DFC #103

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Why are you crying P.J.? And why, why are you holing mommy's bloodstained halter top?chopping block

In this time of tragdey, I just want you to know I understand how you feel. I know what you must be thinking. I've asked myself the very same questions. "What would happen if *I* died suddenly? Who would plan *my* funeral?" We here at Thanatos's Funeral Home are here to help you answer those questions...Thweirdo At Large

Hang in there, P.J. It was hell for Bird, Miles, and Art Pepper to kick, too. But you've got one thing they didn't have, man-- footies.Mahatma Kane Jeeves

Don't cry P.J., I've no idea what your initials are short for, either...Doc Evil

You can cry your little heart out and wish all you want to, but it won't change facts. You're trapped in DFC because of your contract, you're never going to get any bigger, just like Baby Herman - a 40 year-old-lust and a three-year-old winkie, you just won't have the high-paying job or the hired buxom bimbo to push your stroller and light your cigars.anon

Listen to experience, little buddy... all that screaming and crying isn't going to get that diaper changed... *phew*... How many days has it been, again?Orion the Hunter

I'm sorry, PJ, but you can't really expect Mrs. Gifford to feed you today after you made that crappy blouse.Greg J

Yes, little one, death will come quickly to you unbelievers...Dr. Benway

That's for being drawn as tall as me today. It's not your fault, but it still pisses me off.Kurt L.

It's okay for boys to cry. Remember Daddy and his friend Roy at the end of "Old Yeller"?Vice Pope Doug

Be careful, PJ! That's the only furnishing we have for this room, and that makes *it* more valuable than *you*, capiche?The Incorrigible Welshman

Silly PJ! "Security blankets" only work in good comic strips!Kurt L.

Santa only visits childeren he likes. Ernest Borgnine is going to visit YOU!Jojo the Spiv

Let me go over it once more. 1. You're my bitch. 2. Any money my bitches make is mine. 3. Where's my money, bitch?Evil Ed

You can stop your crying you little shit. That blanket is either going in your stomach or in your ass. Your choice!munkihed

Life on Mars, PJ. That's right, LIIIIIFE OOOOOON MAAAAAAARS. Pretty freaky, huh?anon

Look, PJ, the Vatican called, and they're really getting serious. They want your blankie back. 'parently they call it the "Shroud of Turin" or something. Greg J

..yeah, Mom and Dad have been trying to keep it from you, but I think you should be told the truth. You are NOT adopted.Greg J

Hey, c'mon, it's no big deal. Why, I've been called Billy, PJ, even Dolly once. You learn to deal with it. Greg J

Just kidding. Dole actually doesn't stand a chance.Vice Pope Doug

The last kid who took Linus' blanket was found strangled with it. So, I STRONGLY suggest you sneak it into his mailbox BEFORE he catches you with it. Tazabby

So you didn't win this time. There'll be other "Curious George" look-alike contests.anon

Well I think that four shots in the blanket with just one little graze below the ear is some pretty good shooting.Roy

...and when they do drop the Big One, that damn blanket of yours won't do shit!Blue Gargantua

I know all about finders-keepers Peej, but if the forensics guys don't get that blanket they might never solve the TWA bombing!zazu

"...and that, P.J., was my impression of the Spitting Cobra! Now for my next impression,< errg! > the Dung Beetle! < errrgh!> uh, give me a moment here..."Doc Evil

I suggest you never attempt to enter my room again. The insect repellent rigged to the doorknob is only the first line of defense.Keef

You know what? Eventually we're all gonna freeze to death when the sun burns out, but I'll be dead by then; good thing I'm not as young as you.Saint C

I'm sorry you got laughed out of the ball. But really, that one piece nightie and that blue blanket...tacky, tacky tacky!Saint C

Why are you sad about this? Mommy and Daddy are insisting on $10,000 for you. I think you should be flattered!Kurt L.

Hey, I know what would make you feel better. Let's go roll some bums.Anastasia

PJ, I'm sorry... the doctors say your blanket's tumors are malignant. They give it two weeks, tops...Kurt L.

See, the cigarette burns are just mommy's way of saying "I love you, but stop touching yourself down there you little pervert."Kurt L.

Man, that was a pistol-packin' bad-ass, huh? Just think, if you hadn't had that kevlar blanket you'd be pickin' potatoes with a step-ladder right now!Orlando

I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you, but it's best that you know. "Melon-headedness" is a dominant trait.Capt. phealy

Why do you cast a shadow? Because you're not one of us yet. You haven't tasted your first blood.E. Nygma (the Riddler)

Did you know there's a tribe of pygmies in Africa that believe that to become a man, you must literally suck the manliness out of someone who has reached the age of maturity? Do you know what I'm getting at here?Hugh Jass

C'mon, you pansy... that Cuban guy didn't cry when David Reed hit him like that in the gold medal match!Kurt L.

I know how badly you wanna score with chicks, but don't you think ripping off their blouses is a a bit agressive?zazu

Now listen carefully I'm drunk and I'm feeling mighty frisky. Now either you put on that hot little number from panel #63 or I beat your ass again!zazu

Aww c'mon Peej, prison isn't so bad! 3 squares a day, free health care and the sex is in-credible!zazu

Sorry, PJ -- but ya play with the big boys, ya gotta pay. You got a good gram of crystal meth on credit. We need cash today, or we tear another hole in the blankie. Got it?Vice Pope Doug

So, you learned three things today... First, never touch my shit; second, never bullshit a bullshitter; and third, never try to slug it out with the meanest motherfucker in the strip!orlando

Hey Stupid, turn off the tears and listen to me! So what if Mom and Dad were on Flight 800? The way I see it we can only trade up! In fact, I'm gonna call Charles Schultz right now and see if he needs any more round-headed kids!orlando

And thats for trying to get a caption thru the impossible zone!Yakko

Dude, I told you that you were hanging on to your Netscape stock too long! Live n' learn, little brother -- live n' learn.Vice Pope Doug

Quit your moaning! You'll get to suck tit again in about 15 years.Oedipus Rex

You'll be presidential material yet! Now let's hear you say "I feel your pain".James Carville

Don't worry, P.J. Just 'cause you're the only one in the family with a shadow doesn't mean we don't love you. We just resent you.Greg J

I warned you Dolly was packing pepper spray, but you just had to cop yourself a feel, didn't you?Greg J

It's true... Bil IS your father.maniac

No, no, no. This is a life class. While I want you to hold the blanket like that, you still need to take off your clothes.Anastasia

Oh yeah. I guess I should have told you. Mom scraped off the non-skid coatings on the feet of all of your jammies.Anastasia

Perfect! Just remember to lay it on this thick when the Child Welfare Authorities get here.Anastasia

Of course you're scared. We're all scared. But Mom hasn't been making enough money hooking part time. So we're stuck with this Zonker guy as our nanny.Anastasia

....then the children joyously danced around Barney's battered and limp form hanging from the tree. The End.Tazabby

What the hell are you crying about? I'M the one who had to bury her body!Tazabby

Hmmm...you're sitting on the floor, quivering with fear. You must of seen Dolly naked.Tazabby

I'm sorry, PJ, but the coroner said that the scarf is all that's left of Mommy, so it's going to have to do for a while, until Daddy gets the babysitter pregnant.2 Stupid Feds

"Give it up, already. Peanuts already hired some other kid for the Rerun Van Pelt role. You ain't never getting out of this damn circle!"Mr. Clean

"So, first you bend over like this, and then Uncle Roy checks you for hemorrhoids. Biting the blanket helps a little."Mr. Clean

I'm sorry it's come to this PJ, but I'm tired of sharing a bathtub with you. Prepare to die.Evil Ed

If you think falling down and bumping your arm was bad, wait until you see all of the NAMBLA captions that this is going to inspire in the DFC...The Outsider

That's right PJ...I killed Mom, Dad, Dolly and Billy..but I think that I'll keep you...I like you...anon

Don't be afraid of it, PJ. It's called a shadow, and most people have them. You're just the first one in our family to have one, that's all.Diggit

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