DFC #105

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)


Remember, Jeffy, Frank Zappa said "Speed will turn you into your parents." anon

Well, Jeffy, I see that you're young, vibrant, and full of energy, while I'm old, decrepit, and tired. Excuse me, I need to go find your Father's gun.The Incorrigible Welshman

NO SOUP FOR YOU!Slee Bankport

Yeah, I have had the same pants on all week. Gettin 'em on over 400 feet of tapeworm isn't something I wanna go through every morning.Tobin

Satan says that some day, at will, I'll leave a trail of destruction behind me instead of these crappy dotted lines!ThreeSwords Delamitri

My, my, Grandson! You react better to my medication than *I* do!ThreeSwords Delamitri

Although Barfy was dead, his spirit never left us. Instead it found a home in Jeffy's body. It was a constant source of amusement for us to watch him scratch for fleas, run around people begging for walks, and trying to screw with every bitch in heat. Of course, it was Jeffy's own fault that he was in this situation since he was the one who had shot the nail gun into Barfy's head in the first place. Billy Keane...unpublished autobiography Tazabby

Have you noticed that you can't tell what angle your looking at my pet dotted line from? Geez, I think dad's been possesed by the spirit of M.C. Escher.Magus

Look, look I'm Kerri Sturg. . .now give me a million in endoresments and put me on the Wheaties boxCthulhu in Ovo

Now, Jeffy, do you see why I told you to pick up all of your caltrops when you were done playing with them?Greg J

Weave a circle 'round her thrice, and close your eyes in holy dread; for she in Xanadu hath fed, and drunk the milk of Paradise.anon

"It's the 'popcorn-head hop', Granny. I'm surprised you don't know it!"Jo Anne

What??? Billy's been in the shitter for an hour, I gotta pee real bad, AND YOU'RE BRINGING HIM SOMETHING TO READ???Bob Schmalfeldt

The NEW YORK TIMES? Shit, I can't believe dad product placed a paper that doesn't even carry the fuckin' comics!Yakko

I don't KNOW what it is! At first I thought it was black toilet paper, but something told me that was impossible.Stefan Jones

I'm summoning up Grandpa's ghost. Dad's been reading "Dare to Discipline", and I need some heavy duty protection.Mr. Clean

Ring around the old hag, pocket full'a good smack, co-caine, co-caine, we all get high!Evil Ed

Hey, Grandma, I saw a guy with a walker today, so I kicked it out from under him, and he hopped around like this!Evil Ed

Excuse me, Jeffy, but I must find Dolly. I've found the perfect man for her in the paper. See.. it says 'SWM, 6' 3", 180 lb, seeks youthful, short, blobbish, melon-headed shiksa with no neck'. Seems like the perfect young man for my Dolly! slacker

I'm sorry, kid, I'm just too goddamn old to "Do 'The Jeffy' "!Mahatma Kane Jeeves

"I shoulda known you had the %&$^*!New York Times in there! I nearly wet my pants waiting!"Mr. Clean

Laugh while you can Granny! As soon as I reach my starting point, the Rules of Cartoon will turn this dotted line into perforations, a hole will appear around you, and you will fall thru into another universe.paTRICK heSTER

DAMN, bitch! That's the last time I let you put tincture of methiolate on a paper cut again!Dave the Fave

" Dear God Gran'ma! That dotted line that follows Billy around has started stalking ME now!!! AIIIIEEEEEE!!! "Doc Evil

Look Grammy! When I concentrate REALLY hard I can cause typographic symbols and dingbats to radiate from my puffy little body!Jo Jo the Spiv

...and only after you complete the "Hopping Dance of the Hydrocephallic Moppet" do you become a 39th degree Mason.Jo Jo the Spiv

Awh, don't be such a fraidyrat, Jeffy. He's just trying to show how much he likes you. Just think of him as a really long weiner dog without legs. Isn't he a beauty, Jeffy? I raised him myself. He's a hybrid between boa constrictor and a black mamba. Be nice to him now, son, 'cause he's going to help Gramma win the talent portion of the Mrs. Nude Grandmother Contest.Juicy Pink

Bad news in the paper, I'm afraid. It's says here that little boys who go around singing I'm a little teapot are going to be rounded up and sent to prison.Anastasia

The Wall Street Journal says Cowles Syndicate is solvent for at least another year. You won't have to live in a cardboard box just yet.Anastasia

I know I should help him when he has his epileptic seizures, but he's just so damned cute!Greg J

All right! Someone NOT in my family answered my personal ad? Cool!!!Greg J

"Hello, aged one. The days are short and you're in the autumn of your life. Perhaps now you regret the path you have chosen... the three kids who have all but forgotten about you, the husband who went and died on you, and the bunch of sniveling grandchildren who have little more to offer to this world than fodder for a lousy cartoon strip. Feeling the cold sting of emptiness, Grandma? Have patience. It will pass as you leave this world."anon

Been leafing through your Keith Haring prints again?Horselover Fat

I gotta GO!! I don't have the luxury of "Depends" like some people I know!!Vice Pope Doug

"I'm a little speed-freak, short and stout ......"Vice Pope Doug

noihaventconsumedanypharmaceuticaltypedrugsevenremotelyrelatedtospeedwhy?Vice Pope Doug

It's Ida No's umbilical cord tied around my ankle. Ain't it cool lookin'?Blaine C

Okay, honey. Okay. Granny will tie to you the water heater and whip you to bloody pulp. You're SUCH a little devil, aren't you?Blaine C

Thank God you're outta the bathroom! Mommy's week old enchiladas that we had for lunch are kickin' in !! Outta my way!!Vice Pope Doug

Whoa --- Gramma -- for a 75 year old woman, you have one awesome set of knockers!!Vice Pope Doug

Oh no, silly! I know that nice Apache boy told you the ritual dance would work for me, but I'm afraid menopause is permanent.Blaine C

Holy Shit! Are you serious, Gramma? The paper says Daddy is bein' released from prison in this county?? I'm outta here!!Vice Pope Doug

Hop, hop hop! Why, I can jump around and romp allll day long on these nice, young hip joints! Why aren't you hopping, Gramma?Rotter

Jeffy traced a cautious and erratic path around the old one. Her vision had failed, he knew, but her sense of smell was still uncanny. Nonetheless, so long as he managed to remain downwind of her, the kill was a certain one.Rotter

So you got one caption posted on the DFC. Big deal Jeffy, you're still a weasel-shit!Coyote

So, I just thought, y'know, I've already got the hair, I've already got the freaky personality, why not jump around all the time like he does, too? I mean, there're worse people to be like than Richard Simmons, right?Ed the Dead Headless Fed

"...hey macarena, Ah-ight!"Dogbowl

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