DFC #106

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

I know it's cold, Jeffy, but... HOLY SHIT!! Look what Ma's makin' Dad wear!!!anon

How long can Mommy be with one customer??? I'm freezing my ass off!!!!!Mo Cowan

"OK, we put the arms kinda flopped out to the side, an' you put the hat kinda up there, and it'll look just like Dad comin' home after the VFW social."The Turtle

Ever since that Calvin left the neighborhood, we're the ones who get stuck makin' the snowmen for Peanuts. Schultz thinks anyone in a one panel strip automatically has the free time to do his grunt work!Keef

I don't care if he was a beloved christmas icon, Frosty dissed me, so I had to take him down!Mr. Rancid

So women really say "Size doesn't matter?" Why didn't you tell me before I spent the whole morning making my snowball bigger than yours in a subconscious attempt to compensate for my inadequacies?Joe Klein

Whatta you mean, "What cigarettes?"... I gave them to you an hour ago!!! Hurry!!! Start digging!!! My "Nico" level is at critical!!!Orion the Hunter

I wanted to do Christmas in Hawaii, like the Brady Bunch, but NOOOOO! Mr. "I don't look good in Speedos" hadda open his big mouth...Dave the Fave

AGGGGGGGH...I just saw Grandma standing naked at the window!Mr Sunshine

No, dumbass, you're thinking of Sisyphus. Tantulus was the guy who spent eternity hungry and thirsty while food and water eluded his deperate grasp.jerright

Dammit Jeffy! If Dad hears you talking about child labor laws he'l chain us the carpet looms again.Misanthrop

This will be the best snowman in the... Hey, just a minute! How the fuck can you be wearing a scarf when you have no neck?slacker

Hell no, you can't stop! I don't care if it is getting dark. We've got to beat that little fucker Calvin at his own game. Stop being such a pussy, we've only got make three dead soldiers to go in the battlefield before we can start on the Witch's Sabbath scene. Frigid Digit

...and as he fell forward, frozen urine welding his legs together, a single though flashed through his mind: Why? Why did I not go inside???Felix W.

I know its hard work but it'll be worth it when we show dad what something ROUND looks like! Do you want to have a head like that ALL your life?halaq

I tell you, Jeffy, this screwed up idea of his to sell snow to the Eskimos, just isn't gonna work! Tazabby

If he thinks this is so fucking fun, the why isn't he out here with us pushing gigantic snowballs instead of in there downing his fourth bottle of tequilla for the day? Tazabby

I just realized; if this is Hell, and we just got snow, then a lot of interesting things are happening up on Earth!The Incorrigible Welshman

20 fuckin' degrees below zero, and we're outside rollin' snowballs so Dad can draw another damn wholesome cartoon. We never hadda do this before they busted the union.anon

C'mon, think! There's gotta be some way of getting these things over the overpass railing!Roy

Ok. No Barney? Maybe. But I don't believe for ONE SECOND that Dad walked through FIVE MILES of this shit to get to school every day.God Jr.

Oh my god, it's my heart, Jeffy!!!! That kid dad snagged from Guatemala must have had a bad ticker!orlando

I'ts just as cold at home. Remember that drinking binge mom and dad went on after getting heating assistance check...Zebra

Sweet Jesus, look behind you! The Snow Leopard is back and it just grabbed Dolly!Stefan Jones

I don't mind the cold and I can live with the desolate backgrounds but drawing me in this Elmer Fudd get up is going TOO DAMN FAR!!!!zazu

I know that Mom and Dad were trying to give us "tough love", but sending us to Siberia might have been going a bit far.His Imperial Majesty

Why do we have to roll up all this artificial snow after every winter panel?! Doesn't that cheap bastard know that child slavery is against the law?Tazabby

Watching the reflection of the dilapdated rollercoaster in the picture window, Billy gasped as a coaster car fell through a corroded section of track - sending a guillotined head sailing high, high up into the air.not elsie

Well I'll bet it IS cold! Pull it out of the snowball and never do that again while I'm with you! FREAK!the wonder cheese

"Nuclear winter, schnuclear winter. Snow is snow, you snivelling weasel. And if you'd keep your hat on tighter, your hair wouldn't fall out. Now get pushing!"Capt. phealy

Damn it Jeffy, I might do all the work in bed, but out here more than your ass should be movin!caveman

For the last fuckin' time, you're NOT Santa Claus! You're a very disturbed little boy that's helping his brother build a snowman!Vice Pope Doug

Hurry up, the sun's almost up! Ever since Calvin folded, our snowman building revenues from other strips has doubled!Keef

You walk in on Daddy an' his friend Roy playin' strip twister, so we get sent outside to play in fuckin' absolute zero weather all afternoon! Man, I am gonna kick your ass but GOOD!Vice Pope Doug

Oh man, Jeffy, P.J. just stuck his tounge to the mailbox and it froze there! Howcum Dad can't come up with stuff that funny?Doc Evil

Sure it's hard work. But just imagine the look on Dad's mug when he gets a load of these puppies rolling off the roof towards him.Dave

Until Dad learns to draw in perspective, this golf-ball sized hail is going to make us work extra hard.Coyote

*Insert Dolly in snowball caption here *Lyzza

Don't worry. They won't find the bodies until spring. By that time we'll be eatin' mangos offa hooker's chest in St. Barts.zazu

Hey, look on the bright side-- no homo captions!zazu

Man, I never thought Kathy Lee's SnoCone Emporium would be like this!Don Spudleone

Hey, what say we push the envelope of whimsy and graphic design by making fantastic and macabre snow sculptures, kind of like... Oh, fuck it.Horselover Fat

That's what you get for doing all your speed in the last panel! I have no sympathy at all, you little druggie! Now PUSH!Vice Pope Doug

What do you mean you forgot to build the catapult?Anastasia

I just can't believe we got snowballs so big from an inch of snow!Anastasia

Cheer up, Jeffy! Kids all over the world have to deal with the fact that their beloved doggy can get hit by a car, crushing its hindquarters, causing it to pull itself home hour after hour, howling in agony across the dark frozen night, until it gets home and vomits the bright red blood of internal hemorrhaging all across the house, tripping on its own exposed entrails until collapsing in the kid's bed, and dying with one last agonizing whimper. You'll get over it.Vice Pope Doug

...Yes, Jeffy. It was a terrible accident. That's why we need to keep Bil and Thel packed in ice until medical science can help them...or until spring, whichever comes first.Dave the Fave

If you say "this is the winter of our discontent" one more time, so help me God, I'll kill you.Anastasia

Snow is God's dandruff!? Get a grip. If you didn't sleep through science class you'd know better.Anastasia

Okay, now this one's going over here, and...Hey! Dad! What're you...DAD! Stop it! That's a snow MAN! Oh, for godssake. Let's hope he gets gangrene.Sparky the Wonder Fed

Then the song he had been humming all day finally struck him: Lola was a man?Rusty Russell

Billy watched in horror as Jeffy cruelly raped the nostrils of the snowman's head.Jack Schitt

Back to the DFC Archive index