DFC #113

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Boy, I love "Sharper Image"! Where else can a guy get a TV Remote/rectal thermometer?zazu

Hey, Mom! It's the "Li'l Rascals". Alfalfa's sick and they want to know if you're available...Dave the Fave (getting it out of his system)

Hey Cousin "Pat", it's your lover "Cris", are you home?caveman

It's Dad. He says give it up, Mom. You STILL don't look like Uncle Roy.Joe Blow

Get your butt over here, quick! Some sucker finally called 1-900-SPANK-ME! Keep him going for 10 minutes, and we EAT tonight!Joe Blow

Hmmmm, except for an odd effect on human hair, my new shrink-ray works perfectly.jerright

Oh, mighty Ba'al, destroyer of backgrounds! Our submission to your will is complete! We bring you gifts of technology and kitchenware as testimony!Larry Hastings

I'm not screwing around! You get the governor on the phone RIGHT NOW! I want the five million bucks and getaway chopper here TOOT SWEET or I push this button and blow us all straight to fucking HELL!paTRICK heSTER

I punch in the URL for "Babes on the Web", an' I just keep getting this Chinese soundin' guy who seems really pissed off!Vice Pope Doug

I try to call 911 'cause Dolly OD'd on diet pills... but the recording tells me I've reached the "Difficult Zone" an' to please try my call with another angle!Vice Pope Doug

It's Daddy. He says he's sorry, but he used up his background quota yesterday so he could play Nintendo. We'll have to make due without.The Outsider

Hey, Mom, my psychic friend can tell your future by you credit card number's numerology. She said you will soon learn to live without material possessions.Greg J

A programable vibrator that grunts in seven languages? How big a dent did this put in the budget!Bill Fortier

Mom, quick! It's those idiots from the Southern Baptist Convention... They think you're a guy with that new haircut and they're threatening a boycott!Frenchy, the toad swallower

Beam us up *NOW*, Enterprise -- there's a weird alien approaching with some lethal-lookin' Frisbees!the guy in the red shirt

A full-form, free-floating, vaporous apparition -- and it's REAL! Egon! Venkman! Get over here, NOW!Dr. Ray Stantz, the Heart of the Ghostbusters

Wow! Life is so much easier now that I found Mom's remote. Bring those tacos over here, bitch!halaq

Here, Mom...you got the banshee voice...use it on this pain-in-the-ass salesperson. Tazabby

Mommy, a man started giving his credit card number as soon as I picked up the phone. It must be for you.His Imperial Majesty

Cripes. Blondie starts her own business, and now you go and change from that Stepford-wife 'do to this kd lang special. What gives?Zenmaster

Mommy, I finally got the Flowbee company on the phone. They say they're not responsible.Anastasia

Mommy, it's the police. Daddy's been scaring little boys again.Anastasia

It must be for you..it's someone asking for "your mom, that dike bitch."the wonder cheese

It is technology, mother, and it speaks! We must worship it like unto a god!brandt

It's daddy calling from jail again. This time you can smell the booze over the phone.John Boy

It's Bil. He says he won't draw the house until you put your wig back on.Jan Keilk

I'm not sure what kind of animal this is. All I know is that it's a male and it sure likes you!Sauk Hawk

Fine, you win. I hid your breast in my right sleeve. Now PLEASE take the handcuffs off my wrists so this thing will stop shooting pins at my face!Jake

It's Mr. Wilson. Sounds like he's totally wasted. He keeps calling me Dennis and threatening to shove a pair of drumsticks up my ass. Tazabby

It's Daddy! He says that you're not really my Mom and that I should get out of the house as soon as possible. What a goof; I mean, you're making us dinner, how bad could you be??Don Spudleone

My " dorky new haircut " detector is going nuts,Mommy. Why is... oh, I see, never mind...Doc Evil

Holy shit, Mommy! I never knew you had ears!Doc Evil

It's Roy. He says dad needs to go down to the clinic, pronto!anon

It's dad. Should I tell him about all the dyke captions?zazu

You're gonna need more than a short hair cut and Birkenstocks to make it over to "Doonesbury", Babe!zazu

It's Speed Racer. He says you're violatin' the promotional agreement, an' you'll be hearin' from his attorneys!Vice Pope Doug

Mom, it's the guy from the hair salon apologizing for the Jolly Green Giant cut.Diggit

I don't know what it is Mommy -- it looks like it's from the future!Vice Pope Doug

It's Gramma. Sounds like she's sayin' "It's swollen, and I can't get it up". That's silly! She's a girl!Vice Pope Doug

Mom, I think you should be the one to explain to dad about needing only 12 buttons on a phone.Hugh Jass

It's Daddy. He says he won't come home until you quit that Woman's Study class at the JC.Jojo the Spiv

Mom, it's the tabloids again. They want to know how you fit into this whole Melissa Etheridge baby thing. Jeez, I told you that your new haircut was going to cause trouble!ferret

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