DFC #118

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Here's what I use to impress girls. Just remember to put it in the front of your pants.Jadie

...Okay, then will you do it for a king size scooby-snack?Alpha 'n Omega

Hey Bil! We wear short shorts! If you dare wear short shorts,Nair for short shorts! C'mon Bil! You know the words!jybe

Bil, THIS is a potato, or a least a shitass cartoon version of a potato. When you go down to the store to spend your paycheck on booze, please try to pick up a bag of these things so your family will have something to eat for the the rest of the month. Itís easy to remember because Vodka is made from potatoes. Just keep thinking, Potatoes...Vodka, Vodka...Potatoes...6His

It just came parcel post! It's from a group calling themselves "The Jihad For Better Cartooning"! My best guess would be one of Thel's tits! Your thoughts?Bill Versteegen

...Mom's dead, and I think I fucked up your band-saw, but I think this PROVES she had those implants, Dad!Bob Schmalfeldt

I see...a boardroom...at a features syndicate...men are laughing...a contract is being ripped up...Jojo the Spiv

That damn rabbit was in our garden again...so I ripped his cottontail right off his fucking ass! Tazabby

SLIDE #41: Bil Keane being offered a gift by the Mhulli Pygmy tribe in Kenya. Stupidly, he denied the gift which greatly insulted the tribe and caused him to lose his head. Also note his attempt to adapt the tribal clothing style, even though the Mhullis got a great kick out of his chicken legs.Toade

Good, Daddy. That throw was much better. Now I'm going to step back a little bit more...smivey

You wanna know who threw the ball through the window? Ok. I'm not gonna lie to you. It wasn't "Ida No" or "Notme". There's this new kid I saw running from the house. His name is "Getta Life".El Kabong

god what a shot not only did you hit the dot but it when straight though!!!!!anon

Holy shit! Who woulda guessed you could hit a dot at 75 yards! That Mrs Patel is out like a light!zazu

You call *THIS* a fuckin' bomb!? What do I look like the Keystone-fuckin'-cops!? Where's the shitload of wires coming out of a duct-taped pack of C-4, HUh? What about the blinking lights, LED readout and the little thing that goes *Beep? You didn't even draw a fuse on the goddamn thing! God, you're fuckin' pathetic! Now get outa my sight and don't come back until you can draw me a proper bomb!zazu

It fell out of mommy's blouse last week. I'm going to wait until we get a few hundred more "Thel's got one boob" captions before I return it.jerright, on a bad day

Got your cup on? We'll win the ten thousand dollars for sure!Greg J

Just put this on the paper and trace around it. Then you can kiss those melon head captions goodbye.Hugh Jass

Things kicked in slowly for Bil, but when a lanky siren came to offer him a pomegranite, he realized that he was dealing with some very good shit.Dofang

I call this pitch "The Nutcracker". Wanna see?Riff

Here. Mom said if you had some balls, you'd get a job.Roy

It's a ball, Daddy. Some fathers and sons toss it back an' forth, laugh a little, have a good time. No offense, but I'm gettin' tired of the cheap whiskey and gladiator movies!Vice Pope Doug

Y'know how you and Mommy were sayin' there was no way in hell you could afford to get that tumor removed outta Barfy? Vice Pope Doug

Hurry! Luann is takin' a shower right now! We can do the "accidental ball through the window" thing, an' you can get an eyeful of jailbait!Vice Pope Doug

Boy, you can't throw for shit! You keep throwing the ball over my head and into that busy interesection! zazu

This is one of Ma's Ben Wa Balls!? Christ, either you're hung like a small pony, or she's one sexually frustrated bitch!zazu

See, the key to Rhythmic Gymnastics is poise and confidence... see how I lift the apparatus so gracefully, while you stand there looking like you have a beehive in your jockeys. Posture, Dad!The Sandman

Oh Magic Eight Ball! Is my dad the biggest dweeb on Earth?? Whatta ya mean "I don't know"? Just look at him!Gare-Bear

OK, I lifted the orange from the fruit stand - NOW am I ready to learn about ignition systems?Keef

You see Dad, if you teach me to throw and catch this well enough, no one will care how I do at school!Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar

Daddy, you're in two pannels in a row! You haven't been this sober in a long time!Jan Keilek

I'm gonna enter the ' shot-put ' category at the Special Olympics. Hyperencephalism IS considered a handicap, right?Doc Evil

Cripes Dad Do I gotta spell it out for ya? 1: I Look more like William Shatner than I look like you, 2: Mommy always dissapears every time theres a " Star Trek " convention in town, and 3: She adamantly INSISTED that I be named " William. " Can ya figure it out now ya fuckin' dolt?Doc Evil

Want the balley? Take two BIG steps to your right and I'll throw it to you.Cheezo

Attention Parental Unit! You are in violation of the Keane Family Uniform Dress Code! I must now apply the Agonizer to your genital area! Resistance is futile!Kurt L.

You wanna play catch? Do you? Do you? Well then hold your hands out like this! Atta boy! Tazabby

Here's a mock-up for demonstration purposes. Now, you'll need a VRML-capable browser to visit "The Dysfunctional Family Sphere," but with development costs supported by increased ad rates...Rotter

Check it out, dad, my 41st hard-boiled egg. If I get this one down, I beat Cool Hand Luke!Diggit

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