DFC #122

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Damn, where's Sigourney Weaver and a forklift when you need 'em?"Paul T. Riddell

Go-go Gadget arms!!Doc Evil

You'd be shaking too if you have seen Grandma and her friends playing "strip bridge".Anastasia

Know what? Linus told me I couldn't get pregnant if I shook until his sperm fell out!Tazabby

Alright Mommy, I'm just going to slowly back up. Now listen carefully: You are NOT a praying mantis, Mommy. I am NOT a young praying mantis. Now just calm down...anon

I only had two double latte's mommy! Daddy had three and he's lying on the front lawn and twitching.anon

Man, that new crossing guard is strict. And I almost flunked the breathalizer.MechaGumby

Ya know, Thel... You could double your business when the sailors hit port if you do a little of this... If you keep laying there like a peice of liver, word will travel.Orion the Hunter

I had to watch Jeffy's interperative dance, so you better well have the time to watch mine!!The Incorrigible Welshman

Guess I can hold about a gallon of sperm, mom.Psychobear

No, Mom. Straggled lines indicate pain. These are arcs of unfocused horniness.ThreeSwords Delamitri

"Yeah, those damn aliens rectal-probed me again; you won't believe where they put the radio transmitter this time!"Paul T. Riddell

That's the last time I let Dennis Mitchell play "Moby Dick" with me on his parent's waterbed!Mo Cowan

It's my Muhammad Ali impersonation.Jadie

Oh, sure, you think my dancing style is 'cute.' But everytime I twirl around like this after school, I make more than Billy does selling smack!Pastor of Muppets

Oh, I'm just practicing walking like you so I'll be ready when I'm big enough to wear drop-dead-red stilletos too.Half Pint

WHOAH!!! Didja feel that, Ma? The whole country just shifted to the right again!Doc Evil

These invisible hula hoops are keeping off those bugs. I think you gave me one of Daddy's pills by mistake.Dark shadow

Gosh, mom, you make flying look so easy, but I can't seem to get off the ground.Diggit

You'd walk funny too after pulling the chain for the entire football team.anon

This power walking works wonders - check out how HUGE my calf muscles are!Tommy

Daddy was right! The DTs are fun after awhile!Hoover Dam

Hi, mister Gorbachev! What're you doing way up here on this high wire, and dressed in that grass skirt? Damn! What was in Billy's Pepsi? Orion the Hunter

If I can't get the damn thing out, how long before the batteries run down?Gen. Sedgwick

It was Tommy's birthday today. For his treat he passed out Ritalin.Bill

I wush able to pash the shobriety tesht jus' like thish!! Daddy failed, an' got belig-gerent like ushual, so they're beatin' the shit outta him with billy clubsh right now!Vice Pope Doug

Hey Mom, does this look like Parkinson's to you?Mark P

Who-o-o-o-o Too-oo-oo-oo-ook yo-o-o-o-our vi-i-i-i-i-bra-a-a-a-a-to-o-o-o-or? I-I-Ida-a-a-a kno-o-o-o-ow!Riff

Whoa! I never thought I'd get this shit-faced in a drinkin' contest with PJ!Riff

Yeah, mommy, just like this! Except, of course, daddy makes me take my clothes off and cover myself in vaseline...Misanthropic Sociopath


You'd shake like this too, if all you had for two weeks was coffee and diet pills...Waitaminnit...Why aren't you shaking?!Dave the Fave

Watching those hunky electricians work on the telephone lines is cool, but when they say "Don't touch that", they mean it!!!Dave the Fave

It's the "Funky Chicken." I'm surprised you don't remember it from your days as a coke-snorting disco slut!Dave the Fave

Haven't you ever been humped so many times that you lose control of your extremities?Dave the Fave

I'm not doin' it on purpose. It's the body lice. Now will you take me to the doctor?Anastasia

``So then Daddy steps out from the car and walks the line, shaking like a leaf, like this. Then Roy moans "I'm gonna puke" from the back seat, and Daddy lets go, all over the cop. Your policeman friend has a really nasty smile, by the way.''Rusty Russell

I got the part of the Junkie in the school play!Nat Fairbanks

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