DFC #123

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

It's called a BOSS KEY. It flips on a fake baseball game anytime one of us kids walks by.Gamer

Well of course you can't sit that close to the TV. You don't have a pair of Clark Kent Radiation Shield glasses.Roy

He already screwed up Billy's life, do you wanna be next?ed

Don't worry, you can change the channel. Dad's presiding over the Thorazine parade right now!orlando

He's a little disappointed tonight. He thought "Eight Men Out" was a documentary about the Village People.jerright (strike 2)

George Wills, the well-known essayist and political pundit, says that baseball is in fact a grand metaphor for the human condition, each person a member of a team in a collective stuggle to defeat a common foe, and yet at the crucial moment of battle each player must stand alone in the batter's box, without succor or aid, to face the chimera of unknown calamatous pitches and accept the harsh--often irrational--decisions of an unimpeachable authority figure who hides behind a solemn black mask of impenetable stoicism. By the way, pull my finger.jerright (strike 3)

"I know...the Butthole Surfers go Top 40, the Sex Pistols do a Mountain Dew ad, and now GWAR's selling sports gear. When will it ever end?"Paul T. Riddell

The Mets are losing again. Stick around. It gets fun when Dad starts crying.Anastasia

If he says, "While you're down there..." RUN!anon

The Natural was the last movie released in Beta. THAT'S why Daddy watches it every night. Just be happy the Xanadu tape finally broke.Tess Tickle

Or ... he could just enjoy watching a good game without some moron over analyzing every fucking thing a man does.Mad White Guy

It's quite simple if you think about it. You fake an epileptic seizure in front of the television, dad will freak out, and then I'll steal his glasses; then we're sure to see if he has a glass eye or not.Saint C

I dunno. What do YOU think his dosage should be?anon

Isn't it ironic that we can own all these television sets? And yet we have to eat wilted lettuce leaves and bread crusts at the end of each month?Tazabby

I hate the 7th inning stretch. That tonedeaf drunk with the thick glasses reminds me of Daddy.Charlie Steinhice

What do you mean, "Are you worried that he'll see us?" He doesn't have any eyeballs, you twit!ThreeSwords Delamitri

Generic DFC caption #59: Tonight, we kill that sick bastard in his sleep.ThreeSwords Delamitri

He's two fuckin feet from the tv, but he still uses the remote. And the asshole say's I'm lazy 'cause I won't clean my room? Dogbowl

It's just another gay porno! I think the title is "Hung Like A Bull Durham" Uncle Roy must be out of town again!Bill Versteegen

See, I told you ever since he got the Playboy Channel when someone walks in the room he changes the channel real quick-like and puts his hands in his lap.Grinch

I guess it's a baseball movie. The box said "Switchitters: They Swing Both Ways"...shane

No Jeffy, I don't know why there's a goalpost on a baseball field. Maybe because the idiot who drew it has been in an alcoholic stupor since 1975.Anastasia

See, that's the talentless motherfucker, and the guy behind him is the fat blind bastard.Menace Publishing

Take a good look at your future Jeffy, a middle age man who gets sexual gratifaction watching sports on tv.Mad Mike

After the game, we're going to watch that George Carlin classic, "The Seven Words You Can't Use in the Family Circus" - anatomy, proportion, perspective, detail, continuity, originality, and wit. Joe Klein

"When polled, 70% of adult American males ACTUALLY BELIEVE that they could have been a professional athlete if not for an injury or if they had had better coaches. That explains why so many deluded morons like Dad here enjoy watching this stuff. They think they could've done better."Anonywuss (based on an actual survey)

"Of course it's not a real game, silly! In the next scene the shortstop drops the soap in the shower and the fun really begins."Adam Cadre

Dad watches all the Dodger games. He thinks they have the best collective asses in baseball.Coyote

Ok, he's distracted. You go make the sale. Remember, sell the bleach to the freaks -- keep the good shit for later.Superquasihypercyberfunkymonkeyspank

You're giving him your report card NOW? I'd wait until his team starts winning!Superquasihypercyberfunkymonkeyspank

Just think, Jeffy. In twenty years he'll be like this, but in a nursing home. Plus maybe a little more drool, of course.Superquasihypercyberfunkymonkeyspank

No! It's YOUR turn to sit on his lap during the "ball game"! I'm sick & tired of being the butt of all the sick DFC captions!The Chrissed-Off

I'be been waiting a looong time for this, mister. Pull my finger!Riff

"You change that channel while Daddy's watching that game, and you'll be singing with Alvin and the Chipmunks when you're 45."Paul T. Riddell

Roger Maris got the asterisk after his record because Ford Frick liked the concept, but thought it could be improved...Dave the Fave

THEY wear uniforms because they're baseball players. WE wear uniforms because Mommy was terrorized by sadistic nuns when she was our age.Dave the Fave

Pssst! Billy says if you hook up the joystick to the VCR, you can keep him busy for hours...Dave the Fave

It's sorta the same thing. But when Mommy has a "double header", it means free milk for a week!Dave the Fave

Somebody needs to tell Daddy that the bulges come from the cups.The Lawyer

Yeah, I know we'll need a new TV, but it's so much fun to watch him come out of his stupor and start yelling about "no-talent sons-of-bitches" whenever a Peanuts special comes on.anon

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