DFC #124

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

I transferred all Daddy's money, booked a flight, and got us the honeymoon suite. This is gonna be great! Viena in the Spring!Amazing AlKirk

Have you...ahhh...checked out Dad's bookmarks? Er...I'd keep him away from PJ if I were you.anon

Mr. Wilson will be really sorry he threw those rocks at me when he sees his naked butt posted on alt.geezer.erotica.wanna.blow.death.row.inmates.Tazabby

I'm in the lesbian chat room and I need you to help me to sound like a chick...kombat

Oops there goes your nest egg.Wookie


"Yeah, I'm 'Vice-Pope Doug'. What's it to you?"Paul T. Riddell

Do I post your picture in alt.binaries.pictures.erotica, or alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.frustrated.housewives.of.cartoonists ?Larry Anderson

I've accessed Dad's prison record. What's a 'necrophiliac'?The Most Rev.HolyOley

Ok, I'm finished. Sorry if the keyboard's a little sticky.Roy

Let's see... Dual Pentium Pro 250's, 128 Meg of XEDO RAM, Tremayne "Prism-Master" 3D graphics with 8 meg, SB AWE 32 with daughterboard, JVC 10x recordable CD, Hayes Superion 57.6 modem, 21" SVGA... Damn, mom... I guess you did take Dolly's advice in #122 about doubling your business with the sailors! Orion the Hunter

I'm trying to do what those kids on Weird Science did, except she's gotta have bigger hooters.Blaine C

Guess what, Mom! I know a spot on your body that will make you go crazy!!livundr

Mom, buying a mouse and setting it next to the Commodore 64 is not an upgrade!anon

No, no... I access the "alt.binaries.sex" newsgroups for the articles...anon

It's Jack Chick's Web page. I never realized we were damned for so many different reasons.anon

Don't you think they'll regret putting up a PC cartoon and having to weed through the countless Internet shit?Jadie

A gutted terminal with an abacus inside. Do you think I'm a fucking idiot?Jadie

The Keane family leaps into the 80s with the purchase of an Apple IIe!Don Spudleone

Now how much should the IRS make the check for? Not too much, or they'll red-flag it.Kimmie

Here it is mom, the masectomy home page.Now you won't feel so alone.Zippy the Pinehead

Of course wazuu humans can't wazuu catch computer viruses wazuu. What makes wazuu you ask?ThreeSwords Delamitri

Let me check! Yes, you're right! It is the third Thursday of the month! Time for a background! He's so organized now that he got a PC!Bill Versteegen

"There! In fifteen minutes Moscow'll be a smoking crater! Matthew Broderick was a wuss!"Adam Cadre

"Well, Dad's escapades not only made 'Time' and 'Newsweek', but even 'The Met' and 'Suck' are getting in on it. Now don't you wish you'd hung onto that videotape for the big bucks?"Paul T. Riddell

Yeah! Yeah! In a minute! I'm just finishing up an app! Your Cartoon Dykes Chat Room isn't going anywhere! Bill Versteegen

...So Mirsky nominates my site for Worst of the Web, and now I'm getting more hate mail from his site than from the DFC fans!Pastor of Muppets

There. I've put his name on the guest list for every Neonazi and White Supremacy group I could find, downloaded anarchist documents and pedo gifs to his hard drive, and posted MAKE.MONEY.FAST to about 1300 newsgroups. Now to email a death threat to president@whitehouse.gov, and we'll be rid of Bil once and for all!Pastor of Muppets

Cyberporn, Shmyberporn. What's left after you've seen every Barney episode?Geetz Romo

Hey! Today's nipple looks just like yesterday's nipple! I feel gypped!Riff

Heh! The people in these AOL chat rooms are so gullible! I've got this wuss named Charlie Brown convinced I'm a little red headed girl.Stefan Jones

I'm starting a site called "Family Values Circus." I put up pictures from our lives, and encourage people to write wholesome, life-affirming captions. It'll keep the Christian Coalition types so busy that come election day they'll forget to vote and let the dems recapture the House.Stefan Jones

"Aw, mom. These NAMBLA guys aren't ALL bad. Here's one who's willing to pay for my college tuition if I just spend 1 weekend a month at his house until I'm 15."Anonywuss

No seriously, it's called the "Dysfunctional Family Circus" and they seem to describe Dad as a sadistic, drug-addled, homosexual burn out. I hope they go this easy on me!Myke

So Mom, I just hacked into your police file and found you were busted for selling pot back in college. Got any now?Matt Morin

That glazed happy expression, those postings using five smileys in one line, quoting messages and adding only "Me too!" to the end... as Thel gazed down on Billy, she recongnized all the signs of classic clueless newbie syndrome, and she knew that, for the good of the 'Net, she would soon have to flame her own son and shatter his fragile ego into a hundred small, irrepairable shards.Traffic Man

Now mom, these no-name stippers charge a $10 fee per month to access their gif and avi's. Hey, just think of the cash a syndicated superstar like yourself could rake in with just some slightly more graphic material!keef

There's about 50 E-mail messages here from little kids between the ages of 10 and 15. You don't suppose pop has been cruisin' the AOL chat rooms again do ya'?kafka

Don't pull that virginal act, Mom. Somebody added CyberStuds to my bookmark list, and I know it wasn't Dad because he's so senile he thinks the mouse is a fuckin' foot pedal!Riff

I can't believe it! There really is a melon-headed mutant chat room on AOL!Riff

You mean *you're* the "bustybabe" I've been having cybersex with all this year?! Riff

Yes, Mom. This is more technology that you'll never understand. On the other hand, you've got the variable control on your vibrator down to a science!Dave the Fave

I tried to scan in that head shot of Dolly, but it's only a legal-sized scannerDave the Fave

It's official! I just licensed the 3D, Interactive version of "Porno Family Circus" to SEGA for a cool $3.75 mil ...an' I'm blowin' THIS fuckin' pop stand! .Vice Pope Doug

And we're done. Okay, mom, your past is clean. So, if anyone asks, you were a "pharmacist" from 1976 to 1983. Okay? Can you remember that? PHARMACIST. Milo Bloom the Fed

"oh god dolly you make me want to scream i love your pussy" Hee hee hee. God that's good. I wonder why they always put me in that damn red astrick.Milo Bloom the Fed

I'm the unidentified third party Netscape tries to warn you about.Anastasia

I'm spamming the Usenet with a get rich quick scheme. You wouldn't believe how many of these morons send me a dollar.Anastasia

The pics of you showing your whoppers have gotten my page 130 hits in the last hour!anon

I wonder if those guys at Spinnwebe will ever catch on to the fact that we're the ones who submit all the captions?Jeffy Kea... Uh, I mean His Imperial Majesty!

Okay, now SeXdOoD says, "Open the top button slowly as I fondle your ass."Norm DePlume

Uh, mom, not to worry you about grandma or anything, but she just put the salad on the top of the booksehelf and watered it.Pastor of Muppets

And with this program, we can guess what PJ will look like if he's still missing in 10 years....Biff Stryker

It's done! Now, everyone who has seen the DFC now has the Michelangelo virus! Ha! Those sorry bastards...ThreeSwords Delamitri

This so much fun! Bil thinks I'm a sex-craving 21 yr old stewardess that loves cartoonists!zhora

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