DFC #126

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

HEYYYYYYY! Check it out, bro...Jon Arbuckle FINALLY scored!Doc Evil

This may seem off the subject, Jeffy, but you really turn me on.Anon

If you ever see me acting so foolish about a girl, shoot me... just shoot me!Ron Park a.k.a. WoofWolf

"The corn says that they must die, Jeffy. The corn loves us more than those cold, dead people back in the house ever did. Now, get the axe and we'll make it quick."Thomas Wilde

They really should have known better. Five minutes later, bleeding his life into the gutter and feeling drops of uncaring rain beat down upon his face, Roy remembered his friend's advice: "Don't go into 'big-head' territory unarmed."Thomas Wilde

Dammit! Wev'e been standin' here four three hours, and NOBODY seems to have noticed that wer'e naked from the waist down...Doc Evil

Do you want to be a man or a woman when you grow up?anon

Heterosexuals. I just can't figure 'em.Bloody Wanker

Hmm. Long neck, one breast, bad haircut... YEP! She's related to Mom alright!Magus, Dark Lord of Captions

Here come Mommy and Daddy's special "friends" again...guess we're going to Grandma's!clouser

Sure. Charlie Brown grows up and gets some. Those "For Better or for Worse" cretins grow up and have lives. But us? Well, I'm for lightin' Dad on fire right about now. You with me?Zenmaster

This outta be good... I made a tiny hole in each of his condoms while he was baby-sitting last week!orlando

Okay, the over/under on nonsexual captions is 3. Remember, the usual cracks about Dad's drawing skills don't count.Charlie Steinhice

Don't know 'bout you, but my head ain't the only part of me that's disproportionately big right now.Gen. Sedgwick

Remember, only hurt Sally. If Schroeder gets hurt, Lucy won't pay us.Anastasia

Hey! It's K.D. Lang and Melissa Ethridge, together at last! I figured it was only a matter of time...Doc Evil

"I'd forget about her, Jeffy. Even if humans and trolls could mate, they can't interbreed."Paul T. Riddell

See? On weedends, Schulz draws him big and hooks him up. sigh.... if our agents were half that good, I'd've had us out of here and in high-rendered action comics by now. anon

NOW, Jeffy! Use your X-ray vision NOW!Riff

Done her, did him.Riff

Seems like yesterday... I had just dusted Charlie Brown's ass for losing us another ball game. Then he starts on this long winded rant about how he was gonna keep drinking his milk and one day he'd grow up to be a popular teenager and a babe magnet while I'd always be a melon headed runt. Oh if only I'd taken the advice of the American Dairy Association!the Cow - ha ha! MOOOOO!

Success! Teen Bil is dating Ethel Kennedy! Now let's get the DeLorean back to Doc Brown before he notices it's missing...with any luck we're now drunken trust-fund-bum Hyannisport socialites!Rotter

Must be Copyright Renewal Season again. There go Tripper and Skipper from that strip he tried to sell in 1943...Rotter

Look at these freaks of nature, Jeffy. Long, sinewy bodies, disgustingly gapless faces. I just hope they don't breed!Vitamin Tom

SURE she looks hot, but She's handled more dirty sausage than Upton Sinclair!Doc Evil

"Nice, wholesome couple," huh? You've obviously never seen their postings to alt.binaries.erotica.amateur.garden.hose.and.pet.anteater!His Imperial Majesty

That's gotta be them. Now we've just got to carefully 'splain that we are a "Hot White Couple" and that we can do everything we said in the ad!Vice Pope Doug

Well, yeah, he IS doin' that Bumstead chick. Charlie Brown's not really hydrocephalic like us - everything's a costume 'cept the sweater.Joe Klein

We're getting closer to home, Jeffy...notice how people's arms don't extend much past their waists anymore.Roy

Ahh. A pair of lovers, walking together on a spring afternoon....... Let's mug em'!Magus, Dark Lord of Captions

Whew! With all the young, fresh "talent" showin' up in the neighborhood, Thel will be outta business before you can say "sperm-burpin'-gutter-slut"!kafka

A heterosexual, happy, well adjusted couple? Aw shit, there goes the neighborhood.Jan Keilek

Ah! What fine Aryan breeding stock! Exactly the type we'll need after the revolution!Jan Keilek

There it is...NORMAL WORLD. Others like us have tried to go beyond the patch of grass and be a part of it, only to be erased and never heard from again.ChoppingBlock

You are entering a dimension of sight and sound....where heads are in the right proportion...where detail is in abundancy. You are entering reality.Don Spudleone

Wipe your chin, Jeffy.Pastor of Muppets

I just remembered, there's PCP in that toke. Just don't get pissed off at anybody and we'll be... uh, Jeffy? Why are you glaring at those nice people? JEFFY?Pastor of Muppets

That must be DP, ya know, "Dysfunctional Peanuts." They get a lot of Charlie Brown -- Sally incest jokes.Pastor of Muppets

I'm telling you. A Charlie Brown sweater is a babe magnet. When you wear one, all the chicks think you're insecure. You can get them to do anything.Anastasia

Oh no. Mormon missionaries. Quick, go get out the black candles and invert the crosses. We'll be rid of them before you can say, "Look! Sacrifice material!"Anastasia

They've only got eyes for each other. Which I guess is the reason they don't see the out of control 18-wheeler headed right for them.Anastasia

Don't bother, Jeffy. She's gone down on everything except the Titanic.ThreeSwords Delamitri

I'm not sure what he has that attracts the ladies, but that Ted Bundy has a different girl on his arm every day! Bill Versteegen

Yeah, that's what Dolly and I were supposed to look like, but you and PJ came along and he got stuck in this damned cute kids rut. You want to know the other reason I stomp the shit out of you every day?anon

I hope this guy has plenty of penicillinVitaminTom

"Charlie Brown may get all the fine ladies now that he's finally hit puberty, but he still has the same fashion sense!"Adam Cadre

Yes, Jeffy, that is how real people actually look like. Now let's get back into the comics before we're caught and sold as "circus freaks".Tazabby

"I might as well break it to you now, Jeffy -- you've gotta have a normally-proportioned head to get chicks like that!"Adam Cadre

"Wow -- a background, some foliage, appealing figures with reasonable proportions -- Dad must be sublimating something fierce! A couple more nights without getting any and he'll be ready to repaint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel!"Adam Cadre

I told you Heather had two moms.Zebra

Man oh man! How'd ya like to tear of a piece of that!! Yum yummm! An' y'know -- the girl's not bad, either!Vice Pope Doug

'Member when she was our babysitter, an' they did it on the couch?? Man, I had a 'rection for a week after that!!Vice Pope Doug

Sure, they'll let you watch them 'do the nasty.' But, I warn you, it will set you back a month's worth of allowances . . . .anon

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