DFC #132

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Children learn true wisdom at the hands of their mothers." If I understand the "in bed" standard correctly, it sounds like we got a date tonight!keef

I think the translation is "panda testicles in monkey-brain sauce" Hmmm... Why is Jeffy hurling in his napkin?Orion the Hunter

How the fuck do I know what it says. It's in fucking Mardarin.anon

The waiter should have let Jeffy kill the snake, he was the one it bit. Can I take the fried skin to school for show 'n tell?Horselover Fat

Never mind what the fortune says. Any idea why the lady by the window is flipping us off?Charlie Steinhice

It says "Your mother will grow a second breast, making all Nancy Reagan captions useless"! As if! Holy shit! You did!Bill Versteegen

I told you! I always get the "Incest is best" fortunes! Who am I to argue with fate?Nazi Rape Machine

Thel, I will do this thing you ask of me. However, one day I may ask a favor in return...most likely shortly after I hit puberty.Storm E.

I told you Saki wasn't a fruit juice! Now we'll have to drag Jeffy's ass to the car!Pastor of Muppets

Boy, Dad's not a very good waiter. I think he gave us the bill from that old couple that just had tea.Myke

It wasn't a bad meal, but I really think you're establishing a dangerous precedent by selling Jeffy's body to science to pay the bill.Myke

Holy Moses! It's a message from Lil' Orphan Annie! She says that she's a slave worker in a cantonese food processing plant, and that if we honor Sandy's memory we shouldn't eat the General Tso's chicken.Stefan Jones

This is really creepy, mom. It's a message from grandpa. He says he can forgive you for passing on your melon-head genes to his grandkids, but not for their lack of necks, which he blames on someone named "Sluggo." What does that mean, Mom? Huh?Stefan Jones

Well, I wouldn't have ordered "Moo Pak Lee Dao" if I'd known it was Chinese for "Legs of older brother, body of little brother below torso."Joe Klein

"You will follow in your father's footsteps." Oh, great. I get to look forward to a life of no artistic ability, drunkenness, drug addiction, and getting hosed up the ass by a large black man that I pass off to my kids as "Uncle Roy." I think I'll just killl myself now and get it over with.The Lawyer

Mine says "No Matter How Far or How Fast Your Mommy Drives, Your Daddy Will Find You."Bob Schmalfeldt

" Scores of people will submit mean captions about you and your melon-headed siblings. " ...What the Hell?Doc Evil

I just love comin' to Chuck E. Changs! After I read my fortune, I'm gonna play "Skee Barr".Biff Stryker

You're just way too fuckin' cheap. This crappy duct tape may keep Jeffy from eating anything, but I'm just a little too strong for that.BigDog

Mine says, "You will be hungry again in one hour." How could they possibly know that?Amazing AlKirk

"Confucious say: Boy with Melon head often spit seed". It's handwritten. I'll be back, Mommy. I'm gonna go kick the manager's ass.Vice Pope Doug

It says: "You look good without a bra. Call 555-6969". That's silly! I never wear a bra!Vice Pope Doug

Ah yes, another "eating one". Well, we finally got to eat Barfy, even if it was indirect, an' I'm pretty damn sure those little cubes were Soylent Green. An' I feel like I've been poisoned. Ah yes, "Dining Out in the Difficult Zone"!Vice Pope Doug

I told you my booger was bigger than yours, Mom.Will Smith

"You will lose both legs in a horribly painful accident" Hey, this is the same one Jeffy got last week!Coyote

"You are blessed with wisdom, compassion, and fortitude. Too bad your head is so goddamn big."10,000 Pieces of Mold

They're on to us. My fortune says, "You will pay for your meal this time or I will call the cops."Roy

Look at my fortune, "You round-eyed, pasty faced heathens have unwittingly eaten your father!" No wonder I have a bad taste in my mouth!!Bill Versteegen

"You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny." Why do I always get this one?gamer

Lessee, Smiley face "The waiter will notice your little brother's unflattering impression of a Chinese man, and set fire to your house later tonight." Smiley face. Milo B.

Aw, damn! The instructions say you sprinkle the Beano on the food, not take it afterwards!Rotter

Jeez, is EVERYONE white in this strip?Milo Bloom

Jesus! Just look at these "Dilbert" clippings! They've got to stop shrinking the comix page!Rotter

How the fuck should I know what this says. You're the one who keeps blowing all my teachers so they can just pass me to the next grade!Tazabby

"Incontinent chef peed in your rice."F. Jackie

"Sure it says that; remember that time at Taco Bell when you thought '!Chinga tu madre, pendejo!' really meant 'May the Lord be with you'?"Paul T. Riddell

"If you find a rabies tag in the kung pao beef, is that lucky or should I be worried?"Paul T. Riddell

"If you can snatch the Wrigley's Spearmint from my hand, it will be time for us to leave."Paul T. Riddell

Woohoo! The one place we're ALLOWED to eat cat and dog!Yakko

"Aw come on Mom! Enough with the needle dick jokes! Do I do 'vanishing hooter' jokes?"DBH

"You will soon dine with a sperm-burping gutter-slut"....Wow! These fortune cookies really work!kafka

Thel was about to learn the consequences of letting an 8 year old boy order "Kung Pao Poodle"........sudden projectile vomiting.kafka

It says "Rady, you have velly bad haircut now"Rainman

I swear this tasted like Barfy, but that can't be cuz we ate him like 20 captions ago.Don Spudleone

"Mr. Bond, the Chinese food you just ate will cause your body to disappear." Uh, Jeffy, I think I got your fortune. And you got the wrong dinner.Anastasia

"One day, more people will make fun of your name than they do of Dick Trickle's."Anastasia

"You will be plagued by constant jokes of incest, sadism, and cranial deformity." These are so fake. That could apply to anybody!Greg J

SURE I can fake an orgasm! HA! Meg's a freakin' amatuer. Watch this...Doc Evil

" Excessive masturbation will make your little brother really nearsighted. " Doc Evil

"You have knowingly chosen to eat 'Chinese' food prepared and served by midwestern yankee white devils. Prepare for severe gastrointestinal distress, barbarian!"some asia-am guy

It says "For another 10 million, you can get the rest of Jeffy's body back." Am I supposed to add "in bed" to that?Yakko

"Bloodhounds will lead police to your body."Larry Hastings

You mean there's a BILLION people who actually eat this crap?Joe Blow

What'd the waitress mean when she told Dad, "I love you long time"?Joe Blow

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