DFC #133

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

I don't know what's worse - the pain of this compound fracture or seeing mom walk out of Snuffy Smith's house $20 richer.Keef

Beat up by a mime! The kids at school'll never respect me now!Larry Hastings

Torture me all you want. I will NEVER pull your finger!!!slacker

I don't give a damn if you did see a shadow, watch where you're going!Greg J

Awright Jeffy, where'd that fucking dotted line go? Stalking me is one thing, but physical violence! This shit ends NOW!!War Gerbil

Mommy, RUN! The house SEES US, and it HATES US!Brandt

Guess Dad was right. The best way to get her attention IS to fall off the wagon.Charlie Steinhice

Yeah yeah.. I like the Village People too, but do you think you can contain yourself until I can get this thing bandaged..?Bastage

Hey Jeffy, is that a breast I see growing out of your ches... oooooahahhhhh... GRANDPA.. if you don't cut that shit out I'm gonna kick your dead ass!Bastage

I think they're cutting down on the child abuse because they're too lazy to beat all of us, and they know that I'm gonna kick your ass, so it saves them some energy.Blaine C

Dammit Jeffy, I look more Aryan than you! Why do you always want to play the SS stormtrooper?Pastor of Muppets

Since WHEN did we get a force field around the house? What are we, the fucking Jetsons all of a sudden?Pastor of Muppets

Do me a favor! Don't ever, and I mean EVER, scream "Uncle Roy is black" while I'm trying to steer! Bill Versteegen

No, I think they went over the other way, into the street. Go grab 'em before they roll into the sewer, will you? Then pack them in ice and meet us at the hospital.Rotter

But Mom was too late. Billy had already launched a throwing star at Jeffy's jugular.Capt. Ion

Screw the arm, if the shot came from the house, we better RUN!anon

That "hot babe" is Mom. You caused the roll over for nothing!Myke

Listen, dork, I know she's got great tits. Next time, just keep your eyes on the road, okay?The Lawyer

I don't care, Jeffy! All I said to the bitch was that she could use my Radio Flyer to keep her Jello ass from draggin' on the ground. If she can't take a fucking joke, she can kiss my little cartoon ass!Bob Schmalfeldt

Give it up, Jeffy. I know it was you! Not Me and Ida Know aren't around to bail your ass out this time!slacker

My body is slowly becoming normally proportional...AND IT HURTS!Jojo the Halvah sucker

Only on the DFC does the phrase " Adding insult to injury " takes on a sinister new meaning...Doc Evil

Sure, you can explain yourself, you wagon-tipping shitwad; if you're still alive when she gets here.Biff Stryker

Damn you and your demonic floating needles and stars!!!ed munster

Jeffy, I really don't care if BOTH of Mommy's nipples are hard...my damn arm hurts!BigDog

OK, OK, I swear I'll never touch her again. Gosh, you are a jealous type.Zebra

Holy Shit! That hurt like a bastard! And, the bitch of it is, I have a Celestial Body localized on my arm! I'll never get rid of that! Damn!Bill Versteegen

Here she comes to kiss it and make it all better. Quick, kick me in the groin!anon

"This is all your fault!" And with that, Billy shot an animated throwing star from his wound causing Jeffy's bloody, untimely death.ChoppingBlock

This full-contact "I'm a little teapot" is bullshit!Coyote

You know, Jeffy, this is starting to piss me off. Why do you always use my injuries as an excuse to look down Thel's blouse?Pastor of Muppets

Goddamn motherfucking son of a duck licking whore! Who? Ooops --- I mean: "OW, that really smarts!"Vice Pope Doug

Bandaid my ass! I'm gonna fake like I can't move my arm, so I can get a morphine shot, at the 'mergency room, like last time!Vice Pope Doug

Yeah, yeah, "sig heil" to you, too Jeffy. Now help me pick up these goddam teeth before mom gets here!Dofang

I know Mommy did it - I just think the bullet was meant for you!anon

Let's see: Broken arm, whiplash, permanent back injury, pain and suffering, mental anguish... Need I go on, tort boy?ewhac

It was a Peanuts Gang drive-by! But who put them up to it? Who wants me dead?Roy

Excerpt from Faces Of Death Circus: Billy was only slightly injured! Thel's plan was slowly unravelling! Jeffy's warnings of the knife wielding lesbian went unheeded! Bill Versteegen

Mom may be here now, but who's gonna be around to protect you tonight?Riff

We did it, Hobbes! We rode our wagon all the way into another strip! Hobbes? Hobbes?Riff

Damn, I'm still alive!Riff

Funny how I always manage to get injured whenever Mom's wearing her "Baywatch" suit.Riff

What is it boy? Timmy's fallen down the well and has a compound fracture of the lower left mandible! Let's go fetch Sheriff Tilton!Riff

Fuck! That's the last time I mistake that damned "Lawn Jeffy" for the real thing!Riff

"My right arm is just exhausted. Any idea where I can find a woman?"The Sandman

Aw crap..Mommy is chasing me?!? I don't want the crap kicked out of me AND a golden shower!Urthe

"Big deal: she left the leeches inside."Paul T. Riddell

"I don't care what Suzie thought! Do I look like fucking Calvin?"DBH

I know....I know...What do ya' think caused me to suddenly crack-up my wagon! There'll be no end to the friggin' K.D. Lang captions now!!kafka

Screw the "kiss on my boo-boo to make it better"! Get me goddamn Jacobi & Meyers!The 4-Star Pope

That damned fortune cookie didn't see this coming, did it?Anastasia

It's about time she got her fat ass out here. I've only been screaming for half an hour.Anastasia

No! The last time that quack dipensed *pills* for a sports injury I took out half the oppossing team before the police could pin me to the floor.Barry St. Denis

OK, pause the film here. If you look in the upper right corner, behind the grassy knoll, a ghostlike figure can claerly be seen with a rifle. Ladies and gentleman, Not Me was a patsy!Greg J

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