DFC #134

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Next car it'll be Jeffy's turn to be Mr. Handpuppet. By the way, Billy, your prostate is getting boggy. _Unquote_

"Let's test this 'Drivers carry less than $20' theory. Get the taser."Thomas Wilde

OK, last time he made it. I'll give you ten-to-one the van nails Barfy before he can get across the street with two broken legs.D^2

"Amazing to see what those old cars can take. Three antitank rounds, and Daddy'll still take out the barricade."Paul T. Riddell

Check it out, guys. Daddy ran over the sign pointin' to the Detox Center. There's some prime irony for ya...Doc Evil

Okay, as soon as they leave, I'll trash the place. Jeffy, dump the urine and manure in the living room. Billy, you put P.J. outside naked, throw out any food in the house, and start guzzling beer. With any luck, CPS will have us out of here before you can say "Protective Custody!"Pastor of Muppets

It's not often you see a vanishing point in the right foreground.Horselover Fat

I hate it the way they lock their doors as they turn onto our street.Horselover Fat

Short bus is here, time for school Jeffy!Ben

I dunno when they'll be back. How long does it take to break the bank at Vegas?Joe Blow

The Crips are still circling the block. I wouldn't go out if I were you, Dad.Joe Blow

No, that ain't them. Mom said they wouldn't be back until they find Elvis.Joe Blow

You got both the brakes and the steering, right?anon

Well, shit! Looks like we're on our own. Mom and Dad will be gone a month, and we've got to eat are 2 cans of beans and a cherry Chapstick.BigDog

Why can't they do it in the bedroom like normal parents?anon

Oh, what I wouldn't do to get caught in the crossfire of a drive-by right about now!slacker

There they go, off to Reno again. But hey, look at it this way. At least this time they left us canned dog food.INI Caption Phalange

No, that's the ATF shift change; it's the guys who rented the house next door that're DEA, and the "gardeners" who've been landscaping that old lady's lawn for the last ten days are the IRS.not elsie

There go some more lucky orphans off to Mr. Kennedy's house.....Don Spudleone

Yaknow, I don't mind that they leave us alone for the weekend like this. But I really wish they wouldn't cackle evilly when they lock the kitchen cupboards shut.The Outsider

Looks like we're on our own, eh boys? Big difference, huh?Riff

Well, I forget...they said to tell you guys...what was it...good-something about...forever...worth hell.. less...oh, wait, that's right, they said,"Goodbye. You worthless little fucks can rot in hell forver"...that's what it was.ChoppingBlock

Did them. Did both of you. Did the car. Gonna do the doorknob. Anyone else getting tired of this?ferret

Remember, if a grownup tries to make you get into his or her car, talk about having sex with Barfy and eating Soylent Green. You'll be instantly transported to the red asterisk.His Imperial Majesty

Great, they're gone. Billy, call Louie and get as many whores as you can. Jeffy, call T-Bone and score us a couple more ounces of caine. I'll take of the P.R...PJ! Quit banging in the corner, and give me that syringe! There'll be none of that when the customers arrive!Blaine C

Jeffy! Did you hear that? They've gone to get the belt sander for your cranium!A.Holter

Watch the house? Fuck that! You two wankers can stay here and jerk each other off till your arms fall off! Me and PJ are goin' to Tijuana to drink ritas, smoke fatties, and sleep with any native that will give us the time of day!Blaine C

I can't believe mom took the car after she found that slut in the closet. And look! Daddy's chasing the car butt-naked with a hard-on!...The DFC...it's FANTASTIC! Blaine C

I checked the fridge - there's enough food for 3 days. After that, PJ, I guess.TINCAP

Why do they need to pack four suitcases into the station wagon just to go get a half-gallon of milk?ewhac

Time for a new DFC theme: The "Melon-Butt" caption.Dave the Fave

::sigh:: I wish our Dad went off to work. I get too fuckin' paranoid sneaking into the liquor cabinet when he's around.Dave the Fave

Jeffy's butt can't be an "Impossible Zone." Every guy on the block's been there!Dave the Fave

That was the plumber, so this must be Tuesday.Dave the Fave

Wagoneer IV LT...$23,000 base, $31,000 with all the options Daddy ordered. You realize, of course, that Dad makes his daily trip to the package store in our college educations, right?Rotter

Mr. and Mrs. Bumstead had a huge fight over what kind of car to buy. In the end, Dagwood got the Miata he wanted and Blondie got both a minivan for her catering service and an affair with the pool boy.Rotter

You know, some fathers get famous through hard work, inspiration, and achievement. With Daddy, it's gonna be a pony keg, an afternoon watching "Stuntmasters," and an abandoned drawbridge on the other side of town.Rotter

O.K. Billy, let's see a demonstration of these Satanic powers. Blow up that car.Anastasia

Well, there goes Uncle Roy. How long d'ya think it'll be before Dad's walking normally again?Anastasia

...now when the car hits the garage, the airbag ought to keep PJ from being hurled through the windshield. If not, I owe you a dollar. Moonraiser

This bullet-proof glass is great. Drive-bys don't even phase me anymore.Mad Mike

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