DFC #137

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Dammit, honey, i know its fun to say, "shut up or im gonna break your damn legs", but the neighbors just aren't gonna believe that he fell down the stairs for the third time this week!I'm Gumby, dammit!

Look boys, it's Mr. Stand Up For What You Believe In. It's Mr. Hold On To That Milk Money.Bongbrain

I'm taking a first aid course, and I wanted my practice sessions as realistic as possible.Ratman

Two options: my legs were amputated or Jeffy is standing on a stool. Either way, he's trying to get some back door action.Dark Roger

Better get the gun ready...I think his leg's broke.Tazabby

Shit, Bil, I honestly don't know what came over me. I get a new hairstyle and a few drinks into me and suddenly I'm Diana, Bull-Dyke Amazon Queen.tv's Spatch

Honey, just because Billy and Jeffy didn't say anything cute in time for your deadline doesn't mean you can beat the shit out of them.hub

"Well, it shut Billy up, but Jeffy still doesn't know what 'enema' means."Paul T. Riddell

You just had to put a building site in the neighborhood, but could you be bothered to draw a fence? Nooooooo.Peon

Am I imagining things or is the panel getting smaller, and they're slamming into the edges more?Ethelred

Mormon or not, the tubes get tied tomorrow!The UnaBart

HUH?! They have to be dead BEFORE you mummify 'em? DAMN!Doc Evil

...and so then Billy joined in and said, "Yeah? You and what army, bitch?" When I kneecapped him with my little .22, the expression on his face was just PRICELESS. Dave

If I told you once I told you a thousand times, THEY DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!Nicotine

You know, all that screaming and wailing really turns me on.Zebra

Bil, these "good touch / bad touch" demonstrations are getting a bit - overboard - don'tcha think?Jill Ikit

Bil, would you take care of Jeffy? I get queasy looking at his elbow bent the wrong way like that!anon

Dont ask. Just get me a crowbar, some Preparation H, and a shot of Scotch.Joe Blow

You know, if you keep drawing Billy smaller and smaller, soon we can just wash him down the drain.slacker

Goddamnit, Bil! You know what the court order says!! You're not allowed within fifty feet when any of the children are in their underwear!Vice Pope Doug

Honestly Bil! I think you can delay hanging yourself long enough to give me a hand with these two!Bill Versteegen

Bil, I know we've been very busy lately.. but how many times must I remind you not to leave your marital aid in the sink to drip dry..!?Bastage

Cal me " Dr. Crusher " one more time and you'll be needing to wear a VISOR, nutsack!Doc Evil

Oh, I warned them!! "Toss your siblings into a wood chipper and the bone chips are like shrapnel" I said! But would they listen? NO!Bill Versteegen

Great shot with that lawnmower, by the way.Greg J

Well, Mr. Jack Fucking Nicklaus, I'm afraid your "Bathroom Golf Championship" idea took a nasty turn...Dave the Fave

...well that's just too bad. These boys have to learn that when Mommy delivers a kilo she wants her money, not excuses.Mad Mike

Jeffy, if you don't stop trying to dry hump my butt, I'm going to entomb you in a Lucite cube, just like your Daddy!Joe Blow

If you'd sharpened the mower blades like I told you, these cuts wouldn't be so damn jagged.Charlie Steinhice

They've been playing "let's see what'll fit up Barfy's ass" again.Tazabby

No, Dear. It's cats that land on all fours.siren

I know it hurts a little, but foot-binding is an ancient tradition in my family!Riff

I'm using hydrogen peroxide to sterilize the wounds. Somebody drank all the medicinal alcohol.Myke

Who would've thought "Passion Oil" would be so flammable?Riff

I got it all on video this time! We'll sue the Radio Flyer wagon company for a million bucks!not elsie

Somebody didn't hide his PCP stash well enough. The little fuckers nearly tore each other apart.Toozday

Don't give me that look. I've never done a circumcision before!Roy

Bil, how many times do I have to ask you not to make it too easy for the BD/SM crowd at that DFC place?War Gerbil

Ah, Bil! Just in time. Could you take Jeffy to the 'Hospital' so 'Dr. Winchester' can take care of that nasty fracture? Stefan Jones

What do you mean 'It's not my fault?' The 'Home Body Piercing Kit' you gave Dolly for her birthday turned out to be a cigar box full of rusty nails, J.P.'s diaper pins and a bottle of cheap whiskey.Stefan Jones

Billy wants to be a mummy for Halloween. Jeffy wants to be Uncle Roy.Joe Blow

The hospital said a compound fracture of the ankle would cost $1800, and a dislocated elbow would be $650. I figured we could do it for $1.20 of duct tape.Coyote

Corporal, go get the whiskey and hacksaw. We need to get these boys treated and out of here before the Yankees attack again.anon

Better find a better place for your stash, dear. Dolly is dusted out of her mind and practicing her aikido with the Garden Weasel.bong boy

"Let's get a bear for a pet," you said. "It'll be fun," you said....Don Spudleone

Bil, could you keep the Marquis de Sade stuff to a minimum? Dolly and I haven't even had a turn yet, and you've already damaged the goods!anonymous

"Beat 'em up, wrap 'em up, beat 'em up, wrap 'em up..."Storm E.

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