DFC #144

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Ever since Mom lost the top of her head in that accident they won't let me take the damn thing off!"halaq

Yeah, my dad usually takes the camera with him wherever little boys are.The Boy

I swear to God. That "woman" with the beehive hairdo has got a johnson this long. "She" is one of Dad's "special" friends.F. Jackie

What doofus of a groundskeeper installed that basketball goal on the football field?Jessica Steinhice

I have to wear the helmet...so I don't put my fingers in my nose.J.R.

So it's agreed then? The losing team has to do a slow striptease in the middle of the field.Tazabby

What? No, I'm just watching the game. My parents have made me wear this ever since I tried to chew Dolly's ear off over the prize in the cereal box.Bill Hunter

Why am I the only one wearing a black jersey? Cause I'm the star of this friggin' comic!!! Any more questions?!?!Bill Hunter

We're playing football??? Man, I thought it was group strip Twister.Don Spudleone

Believe me, I wish it WAS the shoulder pads that makes me look like I have no neck.Vitamin Tom

I think I realized why I suck at sports. Who can catch ANYTHING with these pathetic stumps that Bil draws as fingers?Pastor of Muppets

Cracker? No, I don't have any. What's THAT look for?Pastor of Muppets

Chop-block me like you did last time we played and I'll have your mother deported so fast it'll make your head spin.The Hanged Man

Trust me, with that Charlie Brown dink as their field goal kicker, we've got this one in the bag. Bongbrain

No way! MY mom is a WAY bigger slut than YOUR mom! She can do 5 guys at once! I've seen it with my own eyes!anon

Let me explain! I'm from the future! I'm pushing forty, have a huge mortgage, alimony and to top it all off, not a dollar in inheritance! So, I need to make some quick cash! The question is, Where did you put the murder weapon?Bill Versteegen

Coach puts us a star on my helmet each time he felches me.Felch Meister

Holy Fuck! The stories are TRUE!! Your head permanently faces backwards now!! This game IS too fuckin' dangerous!! I'm outta here!!Vice Pope Doug

My Gramma says not to take any shit from you Jiggers! Er, I mean you Bungle Bunnies! Aw hell, this is the 90s -- I can't remember any real racial slurs. Just lose, okay??Vice Pope Doug

Whoa...even the blacks in this comic are white!Doc Evil

"Yeah, this is Zonker Harris' own college football helmet. Complete with about three pounds of weed in the lining."Paul T. Riddell

Really, he means well. He always tries to include African-Americans in crowd scenes to show how hip he is. And I'm sure he didn't mean anything in making you number zero.Charlie Steinhice

"Yeah, I know we've got to run that way to score, but the closer everyone seems to get to the end-zone, the fewer and fewer facial features they seem to have."nine elle

Yeah, none of the other guys have them on their helmets. I found 'em in my mom's "work closet."nine elle

You know, I can't help but notice that you look alot like my Mom over there. Is your Dad a plumber, by chance?anon

Are you kidding me? Look, this is Texas Pop Warner, city boy...the only illegal tackles are the ones involving gunplay. And you can even get away with those so long as you're on defense!Rotter

An inch and a half at the most! No, really, go on...tell everyone! Look, my Mom's over there telling Coach's wife, right in front of Dad!Rotter

...uncircumsized, about this long. Well, if you do find it, would you give it to Billy's parents over there? By the way, that was a great fuckin' tackle, man...Rotter

Man, your helmet is so much cooler than mine. How'd you even get one of Burt Reynolds' wigs, anyway?Rotter

Look the white boys feel a bit intimidated by your...er...ahh.. ethnic attributes, so they sent me over here to ask you if you would please take a shower at home.zazu

You know, if she wasn't already drawn in the background, I'd swear you were mom.slacker

O.K. Boston College boy, I hooked that field goal wide right, now where's my payoff?Matt in the Hat

Keene draw your head too big to fit in a helmet, too, huh?Matt in the Hat

Nice haircut and dye-job, Dolly, but I'm afraid once we hit the showers, you'll be off the teamJoe Blow

I figure if I wear this, gibber on and on about some unfunny political crap, I can make my way into a real strip with square panels!The Sandman

I didn't even *know* that NAMBLA *had* a football league.Bil Keane - Your Hero

Shouldn't you be looking for the killer?Too Obvious for Words

Yeah, I got hit on the head a lot this game, but really I feel Tuesday.myke

Yeah, that's my dad's on the sidelines with a camera. So on the count of three, go wide right and head butt him in the crotch.myke

Well, the reason it just hangs there is that there's no chin to strap it on.Paul Roub

Hmmm ... Yeah, I wondered where Dad got that QuickTake camera, too ...Riff

You wouldn't believe the reception I get since I installed an antenna in this thing!Riff

Fuck the "Team Spirit", homey... I don't care if you have to sell your granny's gold teeth... No green, no steroids...Orion the Hunter

Actually, I'm Dolly. But if I see Billy, I'll give him your message.Anastasia

Do I know where to score some crack? I can tell you're not from around here.Anastasia

...And this will be our secret reminder: Two stars, side by side, to represent the beautiful but forbidden love that dare not speak its name. By the way, try to block me today and you'll get a kick to the nutsack that'll launch you into orbit.The 4-Star Pope

There's more to her than pom-poms... here smell this finger!zapper

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