DFC #152

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Thel has a flashback to her '70's power-rock days and begins chanting "Freebird" to a band that now only exists in her drug-addled mind.hoo doggie

The kids really responded well to the "Sober, Dressed, and Hardworking Thel" Doll that Bil created for them.myke

After decades of raising four children who will never grow up, Thel finally achieves holy sainthood. She reluctantly ascends to Heaven still clutching her favorite bucket and towel, which become part of her standard iconography.Ms. Tree

Oh Christ, it's "Sky rockets in flight" again. Would you please sign these adoption papers!Schickelgruber

O.K. Line up at the trough, I've only got one bucket of slop and I don't want you wasting it.Toad in the Hole

Okay, I guess you're all old enough to know who your real fathers are...Dolly: Regis Philbin. Jeffy: William Shatner. P.J.: Drew Carey. Billy: The guy who sold me that vacuum cleaner...Doc Evil

"The Ascension of Thel," El Greco, 1689DrBear

As the crowd began to mob her, Thel began her final encore of the night...her trademark haunting rendition of "Stairway to Heaven"Jim Smith

PJ alertly stuck his finger in the puncture hole, saving Bill's inflatable ThelmaMad Mike

Heroin! Take me Away!Rev. Jason N Whitmore

You're all just going to have to wait until I take care of the PAYING customers.bastard

Billy, put the helmet on, your dad's been drinking again. PJ, not in front of the other kids. Jeffy, I said light on the vermouth! Dolly, don't worry what emancipation means, just sign it!Ory

Mommy! Mommy! I need help with...Oh, Christ, this is great. My homework's due in an hour and SHE's channeling the spirit of disco again. The 4-Star Pope

As the midget knights began their attack, Thel summoned all her superhuman mental powers, planning to blow her enemies away with one crushing telepathic blast that would take every bit of strength she had in a last-ditch attempt to finish cleaning the kitchen tiles in peace.Spenser Sally

Look, let's just settle this logically. Jeffy, I think PJ has something you'd like to drink. And Billy--wouldn't posing for Dolly's erotic art class be a lot more fun than football practice?Jim Smith

Okay, Take 14! Thel ... Posture! Dolly, look more yearning! Jeffy, hand outta the crotch! PJ, no pooping ... and Billy, stop staring at your Mother's tits! C'mon people, this one's gotta be a wrap!Vice Pope Doug

Noone here gets to play with Mr. Abort-o-fetus until you all put up your toys.g0at

"And next up on QVC, from the Franklin Mint's "Despised Comic Strips" collection, we have this lovely statue of the matriarch of the Keane clan, Thelma, surrounded by her melon-headed accidents of birth. Isn't it beautiful? This statue, suitable for dashboards or end tables, will start at two dollars. Only two dollars, to own a piece of comics' darkest hour..."Thomas Wilde

Whoa!Spider-sense tingling...Doc Evil

"Number one: Thou shalt have no other moms before me..."Aquadale Bitty

Next on the auction block is a ride to football practice. Shall we open the bidding at $25.00?Anastasia

Sorry Mommy, but you can't proclaim yourself "Queen of the House". That title already belongs to Uncle RoyAnastasia

Eenie, meanie, minie, moe. This little kid has got to go.PsychoBear

Oh great Goddess of Housework, I make you this vow... if the house isn't clean when I open my eyes, I'm gonna sacrifice my children to you!anon

Okay everybody, now lift your LEFT arm... Billy, if you don't keep up with the rest of us, you'll NEVER work off that excess head fat.Sicily

No chores, no drugs. End of story. Now get moving!Vice Pope Doug

"As God is my witness, I shall never be fertile again!"Ravecavy

Give me your dwarven, your misshapen, your melon-headed masses yearning to be free!Riff

Slop time! Line up for your gruel!Jojo the Spiv

The children looked on as Thel gained personal knowledge of the megalomania that can result from methamphetamine overuse.Vice Pope Doug

Once I have examined your offerings, one of you will earn the right to defile yourself with my soiled underthings.Paul Roub

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses... No, come to think of it, I got plenty of wretched refuse right here.Charlie Steinhice

Crayons? Drinks? A vacuum cleaner, for Chrissakes? Look, you want some, you gotta pay cash like everyone else.Gen. Sedgwick

Jeffy's correct Ma. It's right here in the contract, "No character may claim transendental enlightenment without first submitting to the drug screening."anon

It was a dreary Thursday afternoon that Thel, driven insane by the constant nagging of her children, commanded God to pull her finger.Preacher/Judge

Okay...Dolly: two plus two is four. Billy: it's called a vacuum cleaner. Jeffy: get your milk from the refrigerator like everybody else. And PJ: you're padding's on the wrong side. Preacher/Judge

No one gets the family's second nostril until this house is clean!Thel the Lesbian

Someone go get daddy, mommy thinks she's Joan of Arc again!Neil Diamond

Not now, kids. Can't you see your mother is radioactive?cuddles

We'll put away our toys! We'll get you a beer! We'll do your taxes! Just please, please, PLEASE stop singing ABBA songs, for God's sake!Greg J

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