DFC #153

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

....then that blockhead, Charlie Brown, came running up to kick it. But *I* didn't pull it away. Nah, I let that idiot break his stupid foot!Tazabby

Criminal mastermind Jeffy goes over "The Bowling Alley Heist" again for his slow-witted siblings.anon

Dolly gasped in awe and Billy smiled bemusedly, as Jeffy's finger inched closer and closer... to the button that would send him into eternal damnation... in the the "Phantom Zone".Hank The Hoser

Look guys, I appreciate the effort and all...But I was just kidding when I said " Bring me the head of Marvin the Martian! "Doc Evil ( Hmmm, isn't THAT lovely? )

I hope you and your friends enjoy it in there, Kirk, because Zargon and I have no intention of giving you your bodies back!Robert

There. This little razor blade will give Bil a big suprise come League Night.ChoppingBlock

See this hole Dolly? If you stick your tounge in it, it taste just like a salty mackeral with white sauce.Mr. Terrific

Jeffey showed off his amazing new found strength to his siblings by punching holes into the solid steel ball with just his fingeranon

Hold on. I want to show you what Dad did with this that got us banned from the bowling alley for life.Anastasia

No, this can't be a melon. It's not head shaped!Schickelgruber

Yes, its surface feels as wrinkled as it looks. But why would Bil go to such effort to convey that? Can this perhaps mean that in the real world, bowling balls are in fact smooth?Kevin Sterner

That was the biggest goddamn rabbit I've ever seen!Preacher/Judge

... and as I press this button on my Black Orb Of Death, I will complete my transformation into SHARKMAN !!!!!!!Puck

Dolly stared on in disbelief as her idiotic little brother tried to pick the bowling ball's nose.Tazabby

In response to Jeffy's question, "Will we grow up like other children?", the Magic 8-Ball read, "No Fuckin' way!"Spastic Colon

If you put your ear to it, you can hear Daddy's job sucking!Don Spudleone

First the soccer community, now the bowling community. Great, Bil. Why not "draw" a football next week and alienate the three readers you have left?Professor Falken

"This ball must be from another dimention. Notice the way it reflects light?"Professor Falken

The kids are awashed with feelings of joy, relief, and awe as they discover their "real" parents final gift: a sphere of pure Keaneston, the sum total of their home planet's knowledge and the source of their superhuman powers. Neil Diamond

To entertain the kids, Bil attempted to draw a sphere. As always, it had them laughing them for hours.Professor Falken

Moments later, the Keane family would be hailed as the discoverers of indisputable proof of life on Mars. Jeffy, especially, would be remembered as the one having fed his finger to the life form in the asteroid.The Outsider

Dysfunctional Nostalgia: The hatching of P.J.Doc Evil

Yup, it's stuck alright! Good thing it's my finger this time -- last time was really embarrassin' !!Vice Pope Doug

This is just like you, Dolly! Two smelly holes - no waiting! Ooops, wait a minute - there's a red asterisk at the bottom of this one!Schickelgruber

Just as I figgered! Barfy's been humpin' Dad's bowling ball again!anon

Dung beetles have nothing on me!anon

Billy smiled at his siblings' awe and amazement. He'd be able to sell off this fully textured and rendered item for a fortune.Blue Gargantua

Calm down Dolly...it's not as if you having seen the fifth Keane child before...now let's get it back into it's jar before Mom and Dad get home.Bobo of Arimethea

It's an unfortunate accident of history that the alien probe's first contact with the human race was Jeffy Keane's immortal words: ``Hey, spaceboy! Pull my finger!''Rusty Russell

Your future looks heavy, black, dull... you will stay a child forever!Ren@OLM

I thought coconuts were s'posed to have milk in them! Where's the damn nipple?!Riff

You see? This two-holed ball proves Daddy has no thumbs! That's where we got the gene!Riff

Yup, Mom and Dad are buried in the backyard and PJ's floating in the toilet. What do you want me to do now, Mr. Loc-Nar, sir?Riff

They laughed at me when I proposed my plan for concealing and tranporting weapons-grade plutonium, but they won't be laughing much longer!The 4-Star Pope

A bowling ball made from the skull of Charlie Brown? Thanks, Billy!! This is the best Christmas ever!!The 4-Star Pope

Now watch carefully, 007: the primer button is recessed inside the left hole; the detonator is on the left. Once you and Miss Rockenwriggle have infiltrated Bilfinger's bowling league...Rotter

Good God! I'm losing hair, I've got fat rolls, and I'm bowling a consistent 235 with a 22 pound ball. You've been right all along, guys, I am middle aged.Bongbrain

Comparing this picture with Keane's current work, one thing is clear: Keane hasn't learned a fucking thing about drawing over the last thirty years. --Bil Keane: Dysfunctional From Day One, Red Asterisk Press, 1996The Lawyer

Jeffy, Billy, and Dolly debate how a bowling ball could have ever possibly fit in the miniature bowling bag before them.Professor Falken

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