DFC #154

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Suddenly Bil's worst fears were confirmed. His two eldest children were indeed Scanners and a show-down was afoot.anon

I run 10 miles a day and what happens? My chest loses size and my stomach stays fat. This sucks.Yakko

Quick scram! Daddy's found out we invested in "Whitewater" commodities futures.Hank The Hoser

Remember, A Black man carjacked the minivan, strapped PJ in and rolled it into the lake, or else we're facing the death penalty.Mad Mike

I think we've gone too far. He didn't notice when we sold the furniture for drug money, but sooner or later he's gonna notice that Thel's missing.The 4-Star Pope

In your DREAMS, you melon-headed freak!! Daddy said his sole heir is going to be the one who can go the longest without a drink after chugging a bottle of Tabasco, and it's goddamn well going to be ME!!The 4-Star Pope

So NOW do you think he'll see we're crashing into the sun?The Smoking Mirror

Those sudden attacks of projectile morning sickness will continue untill you come up with money for abortion.Zebra

DANG! Bless you!Doc Evil

Snickersnag! Danglespit!Doc Evil

Shit, but he must have been horny! He covered us with jizz from fifteen feet!The Lawyer

I think we made it okay. Next time you sell dope to a narc, leave me the hell out of it, okay?The Lawyer

No Billy, it's Daddy's turn. He's nicer than you anyways - he always spreads newspaper on the carpet so I don't get rug burns...Verneaux

Jeez, you'd think the old bastard could at least draw an open window or an air conditioner!The Most Rev. Holy-Oley

I wish dad would stop giving us "swirlies".Incoherency

Damn, he's using it. Where else can we drink from a toilet?Picante123

After an hour of no-holds barred combat Billy prepared to deliver the finishing blow.Wha.?

I think they poisoned us. See how the fleas are jumping off of us?Schickelgruber

Gawd, I wish Dad would draw a door to the bathroom!Mike

I hate it when daddy uses his super telekenetic powers to squeeze our heads like lemons.anon

You were right Jeffy...I shoulda never tried to help deliver a calf using my teeth.Dain Bread

I wish he'd hurry up and get off the crapper!! I gotta pee so bad it's comin' out of my head!Dain Bread

I can't hack this cold turkey shit - we gotta score some smack! It's your turn to blow the old man for the 20 bucks!Schickelgruber

Shit -- we walk down the hallway an' we're drenched!! What do you think it would take to get Daddy to draw us thinner?Vice Pope Doug

I wish Daddy would quit melting us with his heat vision.Mike Smith

Jiminy! I knew dad was a legend on the can, but I've never noticed such a change in the humidity beforeGil Gerard

The annual Keane Spit Relay commenced...Spastic Colon

OK, well, as much as I'm disgusted by that, let's hand it to him: a twenty-foot shot from one plug of Red Man. And right when I had my mouth open, too!Rotter

Yeah, well, it was bound to happen. We're wearing red shirts, we were standing by the curb, and we were drawn by Bil...Rotter

Uh-oh, he's still watching. Remember, if we act like we liked it and aren't humiliated, he won't do it again.Anastasia

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