DFC #158

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

No, Mr. Keane. I expect you to die.alanon

Ooooh nooo Jeffey, did you bet all of our allowance on the Denver Broncos?Fred

Look guys, if you don't watch the violence, how can you expect to ever be desensitized to it?bart

Wait. Do not fear this strange box, my borthers. It has given us....shadows.CrAsH

As the first missiles began to fall, the children forgot their teachers' urgent instructions to 'duck and cover' anon

I don't care how humiliated this makes you feel; we can learn a few things from the Simpsons.Bongbrain

Well, I think it's about time that a sporting event got interrupted by soap operas!Tazabby

Guys! Quit slapping yourselves! Barney didn't say "simon says"!XoLo

"Oh my God! Godzilla,....he ..just....crushed....Bambi! Oh the humanity!"Speed R

I have to say, personally, as a dog and a craftsman, that this is by far the finest wall I've ever sat in front of.Tom

The "Wesley Crusher Porno" channel....who would've guessed?Tazabby

Wow! I wish they'd make a claymation version of every Judy Blume book!Kevin T. Bergeson

Until recently the radiation from the old color TV set went undetected.ChoppingBlock

And Dolly sings along in frenzy with her hero, Yoko Ono, on "Documentary".Gwizz

Too late for her brothers, Dolly reviews the video "How to Enjoy Oral Sex", and learns that she shouldn't be using her teeth...Verneaux

C'mon guys! Rosanne singing the "Star Spangled Banner" isn't all that bad!Tazabby

The Chevy Chase Show had the same effect on the other demographics as well.Don Spudleone

Hey Barfy, here comes your close-up.Wally

Man, I didn't know you could get an asshole opened up that wide!Homer15

Obeying the subliminal instructions fed into her brain by the Evil Connie Chung, Dolly emits a high pitch scream that cripples pre-pubescent boys and sets the stage for a Matriarchal Revolution. Meanwhile, the deaf PJ humps his monkey doll.Ricardo Retardo

Look! I know you guys are upset at the terrorists torturing mommy. But if we dont pay the ransom, we'll get cookies _every day_!!Drew

Wow! These Feminine Hygiene videos I got from Grandma are really instructive!Amazing AlKirk

Damn you, Q!! Turn me and the crew of the Voyager back to normal right this instant!Doc Evil

Look out forces of evil, the cops of ' Pacific Blue ' Have dirt bikes! Oooohh...Doc Evil

Awriiiight!!! The Dukes of Hazard!!! Yee-ha!Doc Evil

Hmmm... " Big Bad Beetleborgs "... You know a show is bad - bad - BAD when it makes " Power Rangers Zeo " look good! Is that guy supposed to be the ghost of Liberace?Doc Evil

Another one? Geez, how many movies DID that " Hey Vern! " guy make?Doc Evil

Hmmm... Yes, the T.V. does seem unusually bright...Doc Evil

I always thought that Barney's blood would be purple, not red.The Most Rev.HolyOley

If it doesn't fit, you must aquitt! If it doesn't fit, you must aquitt! If it doesn't fit, you must aquitt!Bubba

I've heard of penis piercing, but testicle piercing?The Lawyer

Billy and Jeffy were permanently blinded, and Dolly lapsed into a catatonic state from which she would never emerge. Only PJ, too young to understand, was left unscathed by the kids' accidental viewing of Bil's movie debut, Heavy into Steve.Sir Psycho Sexy

Oh...Mom's fighting back. Uncle Roy doesn't fight when Daddy does him there!dazzlin

They were all dumb enough to take Daddy's suggestion to watch TV in the driveway. But only Dolly was too dumb to try to scramble out of the way when Mommy screeched in.Rotter

"and I, eeeI, Will always love you-ooo"Greg J

Oh, thank you, Mr. Spud Head, for striking my masturbating brothers blind. Yes, I will send you money...yes, lots of money....The church will prosper...anon

I don't know why most guys are so put off by male homoerotic love scenes .... personally I find them quite compelling ...Vice Pope Doug

Whoaa .... that's NOT a topographic map of Kentucky! That's Gramma's neck! Oh yeah ... this is when Daddy was learning to work the zoom thingy.Vice Pope Doug

Ok, P.J., let's review mom's video instuctions for setting up the party. Hors d'oeuvres, check. Chips and onion dip, check. Three highballs...HIGH-balls?!? Uh-oh.The 4-Star Pope

"Break into our defense computers and program the missiles to target the West Coast?," they said. "Nonsense," they said. "Never happen," they said. I guess I showed THOSE smug, supercilious bastards a thing or two!!The 4-Star Pope

YES! This Uri Geller "Learn to Bend Minds" video is the best $19.95 I ever spent.Anastasia

Alright! A "Look Who's Talking" marathon.Anastasia

How do you expect to pass your gang initiation if you can't get through "A Clockwork Orange"?Anastasia

I don't care how disgusting you think it is boys, you're all gonna watch and learn how to really pleasure me.keldog

"I love you, you love me......."Tazabby

As Dolly recited the words to yet another episode of the Monkees marathon, Jeffy collapsed into an apoplectic fit, Billy struggled not to stab out his eyes, and PJ only looked on in wonder.buoy toy

I don't know what's wrong with you guys. I think Bob Saggett is fuckin' funny!Schickelgruber

Faces of Death..Schmaces of Death...What's the big deal? I've seen Ed Anser with his shirt off, for God's sake.Jojo: Bloated and Rested

Man, I can watch these birthing videos all day long.Get your paws off me, you filthy Jojo!

"It was as if Satan himself had condemned us to Hell. Here was Bil on national television saying he would continue to draw for at least another 40 years." - Excerpt from My Life: A Bleak and White Retrospective by Dolly KeaneTBone

Wow! Uncle Roy's home video sure captures some evocative images of P.J.'s bris, doesn't it guys?...Guys?Trotsky

Wow! Who would've thought Kathine Hepburn would have the balls to do a porn vid at her age?Riff

Of course that's how they do it! Did you think the Vienna Boys Choir kept those high, squeaky voices by accident? Of course, I never imagined they'd televise the procedure.Riff

Hey! You wouldn't think Tim Curry would still fit into that thong teddy!Riff

I just love Barbara Striesand movies, don't you?Riff

Alright already... you can all open your eyes now! Andy Rooney and the "Rectal Cancer Home Detection Kit" commericial is gone.Mud Duck

I didn't think you could get a camcorder that far inside!Joe Blow

Ugh. Someone's gotta hide the video camera so Daddy and Uncle Roy can't find it again.Drew

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