DFC #160

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"That picture's a fake! I never owned a Manlicher Carcano hammer! My head is obviously pasted on aftewards. I did NOT kill the President!"Veep

"Accidentally" whacking her with the claw during every upswing stopped being funny ten minutes ago. Nonetheless, Billy was determined to find out how many she would take before realizing what he was doing.Rotter

Abll rigfft alrbty! Yoof mabde yhur phoint! I bleef in yur Magfik Vfoodhoo Tboo-Bhy-Ffoor! Rotter

And on that day, in the offices of newspaper editors all over the world, Ziggy syndicate proposals were being fished out of wastebaskets and Marmaduke sales brochures were slid from under wobbly chair legs.Rotter

I know I ask this every week, but are you SURE that you're just supposed to let syphillis run its course?Rotter

Okay, Billy check this impression out: "Why? Why me? Why?" Ha, ha. Okay , now the next one...Greg J

Let's see, jail or listen to her whining? Jail? Whining? Hmmm...anon

....So my agent says, "good news, I finally got you a new gig! You report to Apartment 3-G on Monday." Anyhow, can I borrow your hammer for a few minutes? I'm gonna beat myself to death.The 4-Star Pope

As the young Quasimodo sat alone in the belfry, he dreamed of making a friend. Unfortunately, he was only able to build grotesque gargoyles.Tazabby

Do you think this face'll keep Bil from using me in his.......oh shit!Tazabby

Billy, I'm glad you've found an outlet for your rage. Mine is doing the Charleston.trent

Oh no, Billy, No! You're turning into Curious George again! Ma, get Billy's monkey pills!peeb

Radiation. . .leak. . . warping . . . our bodies. . .Must. . . warn. . . others. . .Sgt. Spam

I'm crying cause' you look so terrible in profile!!!meg

Unable to find any paint, Dolly comes up with a creative solution for coloring Billy's woodworking project.MechaGumby

I don't care if it's 30% more effective now. Mommy said to stop hitting me with the ugly stick!Stdheev

"...then he pushed me to the ground...then he got on top of me...and then he...he... MADE ME READ HIS 'FAMILY CIRCUS' sketches! Oh, the HORROR! THE HORROR!"RBByrnes

Every twenty minutes, the zombie that came of Billy's new Chemistry Set mishap would come to check if the gravepost was done. With enough luck, Billy could rid himself of the creature with his new Carpentry Set. He hated Christmas.little daniel jones

Look, Billy. Being a carpenter won't turn you into Jesus any more than making this face will turn me into Roseanne.Fluffo the Wonder-Cat

Dolly, were't you taller than me just a few hours ago?ChoppingBlock

And now: The latest of a series of ads in Clinton's "war on drugs."Jack Schitt

In retrospect, replacing Dolly's last tetnus shot with Folger's Crystals may not have turned out to be such a good idea after all.sundiver

If you make one more joke I'll lick you - with both of my tongues!Cheezo

A dejected Dolly returns home after her catastrophic performance as a Gewn Stephani impersonator. King Moonraiser

I can't take it anymore! Me with this shadow on my shirt for no reason, you with your head at that strange angle. And what the fuck are you supposed to be doing with that 2x4? I need out of this damn strip!Goon

Thank you sir, may I have another?MechaGumby

Hmmm... not much blood there. I'm gonna have to test it again with a few more nails.CJ

If you sing "If I Had A Hammer" one more time, I'll puke all over you!The Most Rev.HolyOley

aww c'mon! Gimmee my lip back!zazu

Help! Mom just tightened my pony tail. I can't move my face.Goon

Until that day, the young Picasso had dreamt of becoming a carpenter. But now, his destiny was clear.Paul Roub

"Geez, Billy, I can't sense anything about your chakras now that you've driven that nail through my third eye!"Scribe

"For God's sake, Jeffy, build me a neck! Just build me a neck!"Tim Kaldahl

'The true misery of our situation really sank in on the day I saw Billy drawn with a head that was not only three sizes too large, but that was attached to his shoulder. And worst of all, the poor freak never even noticed.' -- From He Drawn Us Wrong: The Dolly Keane StoryStefan Jones

Through an unholy tampering of nature, Billy Keane was able to create a hideous shrunken doppelganger of his sister, Dolly. The Cabinet of Dr. Jojo

My career is over! I couldn't even hack it as a Garbage Pail Kid!Riff

All it took was one Freddy Kreuger shirt to turn the DFC into the Manson Family Circus.Riff

"Jesus" thought Billy, as he held the blood-covered hammer in his hand," I think I need to see a rage counselor!"Ike Turner

If you hit your thumb, you're 'sposed to make a face like this, an say, "GODDAMNMOTHERFUCKING SON OF A DUCK LICKING WHORE!!!!" like Mommy does.Vice Pope Doug

"He was just a poor defensless little mouse. Why'd you have to do that to him?"gamer

This one is truly bizarre! Billy is in danger of becoming a hunchback and is wearing what looks to be a prison shirt along with the left over wrist irons. Dolly has Charlie Chan teeth and a big fucking pimple on her forehead, her perspiration appears to have soaked her underarms and her expression looks like she wants to dump a load. Where does a person even start to find a caption that does justice to all that?anon

Hurry up and finish that frickin' outhouse before I shit right here on the table!Tom Tom

C'mon, Billy . Fun is fun, but you went over the line when you replaced my Vagisil with anchovy paste!Sir Psycho Sexy

Billy was thrilled, but mystified when Dolly started sprouting nails from her forehead. Nonetheless, he chose not to look a gift horse in the mouth.Anastasia

No, no, no! A nostril does not belong on the forehead.Anastasia

By now, Billy had become dulled to Dolly's astounding ugliness, even as her face bent the nails.Slaanesh

In the early days, Keane was less sensitive about drawing Dolly's mongolism and Billy's hunchback.The Lawyer

No matter how many raps to the forehead Billy gave her, Dolly would not be detered from demonstrating her fart of the day.Trotsky

The bullies from next door threw me in the mud and called me a slut. You were 'sposed to protect me! Some pimp you are!Bubba

"I'm sick of it! Blood, excretions, and this 'menstruation' garbage... can you ask the fairy to make me a puppet again?"Ravecavy

"Pugsley! Look at this great scab I've got on my head! Think I can get pus coming out of it?"Ravecavy

See Dolly? I'm a reasonable man. You paid off your 'loan' and I removed the board from your knees.Deej

Billy was stunned. That last blow should have killed her. With a heavy sigh, he realized that he was going to have to get a bigger hammer.Psycho Smurf

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