DFC #164

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Welp...there goes my career as a moyle.insane

Mom, Snoopy's outside. He says he wants his ear back.. Sgt. Spam

This? Oh, it's " Freudian Caption " bait...Doc Evil

"This cartoon is so middle America even my shit is white."Psychobear

.... so I guarantee you that's the last time that bastard Barfy humps ANY of our legs!Vice Pope Doug

As a young child, Elvis had to sing for his peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Thus, a legend was born.Stdheev

So, Mr. Kong, you claim that were nowhere near the scene of the crime on the night in question. How then, may I ask, do you explain this?The Last Lemming

Pull my banana...?anon

How can I be 6 and already have a gut?? Banannas the size of footballs!!Mike Bilbow

Okay, here's you're proof! We rubbed out Gonzo, and Fozzie's next, unless you pay the ransom!The Doctor

It may be a bit moldy, but it's the last bit of food in this house....and it's MINE, ALL MINE!!!Tazabby

Thel Keane's cures for chroniclly masturbating children #12 of 147 ---- Try Krazy gluing a piece of fruit to the little pervert's hand, rendering it useless. See Fig 1. above.otis

It's for you, Mr. Belafonte.phonsux

I can't wait until Sunday so I can find out if I'm holding a banana or a cucumber.Dave

It Slices! It Dices! It even Circumcises! It's the NEW ' Black & Decker Pecker-Wrecker! ' Endorsed by Tim Curry!Doc Evil

Yes, I am a "pickle smoocher". So what?Pickelgruber

A banana! You made me dive down Barfy's throat to retrieve a friggin banana!Zebra

But Mr. Michaels...the audience stopped laughing two minutes ago! Six minutes until commercial? Sigh...all right. "Awrrkk! I'm Banana Boy! Banana Boy! Wreeehkk! Banana Boy!" Rotter

Whoa there, Bob Barker. Make sure you know what I'm holding before you start placing bids.anon

No man! Dave's not here!sigar

Where was genetic engineering headed? First they grow a fully formed ear on the back of a lab rat, and now this: a functional human pancreas growing on the end of a toddler's arm.paTRICK heSTER

All I need now is 2 oranges and something to simulate a foreskin and my science project is done.Bubba

Who would've thought Toucan Sam would have leprosy?The 4-Star Pope

I can't hear you, I've got a banana in my hand. Hmmmm, I dunno, Bil. Wouldn't it be funnier if I had in, say, my ear, or something?The 4-Star Pope

G'day, mate! So, the dingo ate your baby, did he?Dark Roger

Hey guys, I found proof of life on Mars!His Imperial Majesty

After we squashed the penny we decided to put PJ's head on the tracks.Monkey

If only Andy Ihtanko were still submitting captions. He'd know how to deal with this one.glrbxbf

The gorilla devoured the banana--and a surprised Jeffy's right arm--in one bite. And that's why the kid only has one arm in Family Circus cartoons drawn after 1969.myrtle the turtle

See, it really IS just a banana in my pocket. I'm never happy to see you, Mommy. You scare me.alanon

When are we going to learn a defense against a pointed stick?Greg J

My God, man! This banana is longer than my arm! I can't wait to try that growth hormone on my marijuana crop...I'll have buds the size of wiffle bats!ColBleep

Dolly! I filled the condom with heroin, just like you said! What?! I'm supposed to swallow it? Man, this 'courier' crap is for the birds.ColBleep

Would you help me attach this Acme Arm Extender?Bill Fortier

The Club for fingers! Just TRY and pull it NOW!Bill Fortier

Billy, the Commissioner's on the Bananaphone! Time to get into our costumes!Riffy

"Eventually we realized what was going on around us, and we made a game of trying to make the jokes extremely obvious. One little gem of mine that always cracked the family up was when I held phallic symbols in front of my very round mouth."--from Under Scrutiny: Geoffery Keane's Struggle in the Dysfunctional Family CircusJim Smith

what kind of animal did this wishbone come from?the surrealist advisor

I feel like I'm in a Mapplethorpe exhibit!Grizz

Mommy, have you seen my harness?Wally

Server error: Too many flagrantly sexual captions. Resubmit a nonsexual caption later.anon

Mom, I know you've told me a million times not to run around the house with turds in my hands, but you've gotta see this one before it dissolves in the toilet!Pastor of Muppets

Mom, you dropped another fetus.siren

Check out the souvenier I got at the NOW rally! It's got S.C.U.M. engraved on the other side!Pastor of Muppets

...so then we tried to scare the gerbil out with THIS, and then we tried...Whatever.

Ladies and Gentlemen, sometimes a banana is just a banana.Anastasia

Nope! That's as wide as my mouth is gonna get. Guess it's back to pretzels and spaghetti for me. Mike Smith

St. Jeffy had his epiphany on the afternoon his mother handed him a banana for a snack and told him to get lost. As he walked into the back yard, he was surrounded by brilliant white light, and the wonders of the universe were revealed to him.Stefan Jones

"Ha...I...uh...(*snirk*)...heeheehee...I...uh...oh shit...let's get another prop for this gag, like an orange or something."Jojo

I took it to the lab, and they still can't tell if Bil was drawing a pickle, a banana, or a Bavarian smokie!Ratman

But I don't want to stand in the DFC circle, they're going to say that I'm holding all kinds of disgusting things, when it's just a... come to think of it, what the hell is it?Horselover Fat

Jeffy's constant reenactments of the "Banana Boat Song" dance from Beetlejuice grew less endearing as time went on. (Certified 100% Freud-free for your protection.)Paul Roub

Hey, Crocodile Dundee, here's your boomerang! Also, your movies SUCK!Schickelgruber

Look out Gallagher, there's a New prop comic in town!!!Doc Evil

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