DFC #167

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Uh...I wouldn't get up during my scene, Dad. Don't make me clock you like I did Kittycat.tbone33

While the Keane family sat, mesmorized by themselves in the "Olden Days," they never noticed the artist, slowly erasing their pitiful world...U-R-A...

Bil's lifeless eyes wouldn't change her mind, this perceived family joy sham had to end and Thel knew she was the woman to do it.Meisterman

Mommy, I'm just saying that next time Daddy has an urge to film, perhaps you should stop breast feeding PJ.Truant

"At last a program low-brow enough for US to enjoy!"halaq

The family watched unheeded, blithely unaware that Kittycat had been dead for weeks.Sgt. Spam

As the beam of heavenly light shown down on Bil and Thel, they relized, quite suddenly that none of the children looked a day older than they had on December 2nd, 1974, the date of the home movie.Truant

Poised on the edge of his seat, Bil hopes that this time the movie will have a happy ending: That Billy won't play stink finger with grandma, and his dear Thel will fight the urge to strip for the camera.Truant

"SSSSHHHH! NYPD Blue is back on and here comes Jeffy's butt shot!"Speed R

Y'know, why buy a camcorder when you can steal mall security videos, right?Troy

Nice documentary, Jeffy... but I think you could've gone with something more subtle than the soundtrack from "Platoon."KL

Hey Mommy, how come we never get to sit in the "Radiation-free Zone"?Schickelgruber

No matter how long we all look at it, it's still just our faimly photo taped to the heater, Daddy.Truant

Crissakes, isn't my life pitiful enough without having to se re-runs of it?The Most Rev.HolyOley

Haaa Ha Ha! That's when Barfy hot-glued Dad's dick to the car bumper and Dolly released the handbrake! Let's see that in super-slow reverse play! HAA, Dad's pullin the car up the drive way! My ribs hurt! I'm gonna cry!Golly

The results of the experiment were surprising: While the cat quickly realised it was a mirror, the rest of the family gazed vacuously for hours.Deej

Sure I like these animated "Family Circus" specials, but I can't get used to the way Mel Brooks does our voices. scabhead

Yes, we were a happy family before the accident. But I have a special feeling that Mommy and Daddy are still with us in spirit. In fact, I bet their spirits are even still wearing those dorky clothes.Schlep

For years afterward, Bil continued to insist that he had received divine inspiration, though the rest of the family told him repeatedly it was only the cops' searchlight shining through the skylight just before the bust.The Outsider

Still annoyed by her brief screen time and her lack of speaking scenes, Kitty Cat refuse to particpate in 'Family Video Night'.Mad Mike

Oh, come on, Kittycat, stop being such a prude! The group sex scene doesn't happen for another ten minutes!The Hanged Man

Bil Keane watched with mute horror as he realized that what the old man said was true; first he would dissapear from his family's photo album, then his friends and loved ones would fail to recognize him. Finally, he would be completely wiped from history.anon

Oh Man! Here comes the part where I try to take Dolly up the ass 'cause I was frying on acid an' thought she was Jeffy! Uhh ... sorry Dolly, but ya gotta admit, it was pretty funny after Mommy pryed me off with the shovel!Vice Pope Doug

Y'know, I think the really scary thing is how damn attractive I find myself.Preacher/Judge

How long till the part where P.J. pees in Montel's lap?Skywise

Geez, they'll let ANYONE host SNL these days..Skywise

Boy, Uncle Roy sure was s'prised when we ALL walked in you, DaddyWally

Wow, this is great! Who needs friends anyway?!markc

What th' Hell?!? Mr.Rogers satin' the F word? Drive-by shootings on " Sesame Street "? Thomas the Tank Engine de-railing? Barney molesting Baby Bop? DANG, how long has Quentin Tarantino been in charge of PBS?!?Doc Evil

As Bil watched the kids and Thel enjoying the tape of their last vacation, the Clear Light of Enlightenment shone upon him. His family was as happy as they would ever be. Now was the time to pull the pin on the grenade so they could all join Grandpa in heaven.Stefan Jones

Here it is! Here it is! Watch the look on the new kid's face drop when he realizes that Mom was just pretending to be friendly, and then that perfect moment of surprise when Dolly let's him have it with the kidney harvester.Stefan Jones

It still looks strange to see us in a family video with our clothes on.The Lawyer

Wow. I've aged so much in the last twenty years!Cheezo

I don't get it, where's the CIRCLE!?!anon

I knew the new rating system was going to ruin television. Where's NYPD Blue?DrBear

"I thought they usually blur the faces on COPS..."The Fat Man

Jeez, this is crap! I can't believe these TV families can be so shallow, so superficial, so...goddamned brainless! Now I...hey...wait a minute...that's US!little daniel jones

My God... I suddenly feel the nausea and revulsion that the rest of America feels after reading our cartoon!Rimbaud

By the way Mom, next time could you and Dad leave the dog collar in the bedroom? People are getting the wrong idea already.jaina solo

Like an 8-year-old Jerry Lewis, Billy would keep his family hostage for entire days, obsessively screening his old films and reveling in their laughter. They were all as sickened as the rest of America, but then, Billy was the man who signed their checks.Rotter

As I understand it, those people are our counterparts on Earth-Z. The parents are normal, the kids have no idea what pederasty, abuse or smack are, and every day they have charming, heart-warming captions. The poor pathetic fucks.The 4-Star Pope

Yeah, it's a great picture. I still don't understand why we had to come sit in the shadow of the Great Pyramid of Cheops to watch it.The 4-Star Pope

I'm impressed. I didn't think there was a chance in hell our tape of digging up grampa to steal his gold fillings would make "Funniest Home Videos."The 4-Star Pope

We're watching this home video for the ninth time, Jeffey, because if we don't, we'll have to watch "Friends." And I don't think anyone wants THAT to happen, do they?The 4-Star Pope

Well, Bil, your mise-en-scene seems to be incredibly informed by that of Antonioni... but I don't see it grossing more than a million. Can you dumb it down a bit?Dave

That's it, Peej....stick your little ass out where he can get a good view of it. Looks like it won't be me or Jeffy he'll be "visiting" tonight.Tazabby

And, Daddy, this was shot while you were in detox. We were happy then.The Hanged Man

I can't believe Fox turned down our cartoon for that damn Simpson's show. I for one could watch hours of us!anon

As the Keane family sat entranced watching themselves on home video, not one of them noticed Bil's abduction by aliens.Anastasia

"Hey look momma I'm a lesbian!" Stupid zone, here I come! How did we survive before we got WebTV?anon

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