DFC #175

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Ten dollairs for zee leetle blond one...No? Twenty for zee old bag? Feefty for zee lot, and zat's my finail offair! Een my contry, you couldn't GIVE away trash like zat!"Nightfall

Daddy, if a waiter steps on your hat, feels up your wife, slaps your children, and screws up your order, you don't leave a tip.Truant

Find a deep-fried cockroach, get 50 bucks! Now THAT's a Happy Meal!Jessica Steinhice

Damn, I haven't had so much fun in a restaurant since Grampa sneezed and dropped his dentures in the borscht!Sgt. Spam

And now it's time for another DFC FLASHBACK! Here, we see our lovable tykes in their 1950s incarnations as Wally, Iggy, Scooter, and Sally. Weren't they adorable in the post-war years?Thomas Wilde

God, how embarrassing! Dad, here's five bucks if you can get Dolly to stop wearing her goddamned veal piscotta leftovers on her head.Dr. KNob

Filthy parasitic scum, Bil thought. They fed off him and gave nothing in return. Yes. Tonight he would heed the voices at last.. Tonight he would rid himself of the disease that called itself FAMILYNow That's a Long Caption!!

Hey, Dick Tracy, if you'd sober up for two minutes, you'd see that Maitre'D is Prune-face.Schickelgruber

No luck, Dad. He said the mirror ball's not for sale.Charlie Steinhice

Boy! That white padded door sure brings I DRY-CLEANED JESUS' WEDDING DRESS! THUMBTACKS! back memories!Rotter

Tonight was way cool. I've never seen a real Mafia hit before.Anastasia

I'll be damned. Those guys you gave the keys to really weren't valet. Well, looks like I owe you a buck.Greg J

Bil, this is the last time you do the counterfeiting! You even drew Washington with a melon-head!Ratman

I told 'em we've been thrown out of fancier dives than this, but in actual fact this is the fanciest dive we've ever been thrown out of, isn't it?Horselover Fat

You miscalculated the tip. Based on current economic predictions under the current administration, combined with the forecasting of a strong dollar over the next three fiscal quarters, 18.5% was excessive...ewhac

A $20 savings bond. Matures in 18 years. 'Happy Birthday' yourself, you cheap sod.ewhac

Its amazing what people will give you when you scream "REACH FOR THE SKY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!"Huggy "Guns" Bear

Aw, Dad, c'mon! One more table dance? I've still got 10 bucks!tbone33

I dunno...I'm walking by and the guy hands me this and says, "Hey, buy your folks some clothes from this decade."tbone33

News flash, Pop. Lyndon Johnson isn't on the five-dollar bill.Riff

It's amazing what people will pay you to stop singing Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits!Riff

Dolly couldn't have been more delighted with the Head Leech that came in her Happy Meal.Tangent

So Guido says to me -- "Yeah," he says, "We can rub out your other grampa, but it'll cost youse more than one dollar, see?"P'Rick

Okay, let's see -- Jeffy's got that yuppie's wallet, Dolly's got that biddy's prescription bag, and I swiped the tips off the tables. Let's go!nice personality

"What are you doing Bil! I told you to start the damm car, you want to hafta pay for this meal?"Speed R

"A $1.15 tip! To your own son. Get out of here, you cheap fuck!"Speed R

Hey, you won't believe what the DFC paid me to do in the next comic, let's just say it has difficult zone written all over it.ChAoS

Dammit Bil! I've told you twenty is spelled with a "y", not two "e's"...Mo Man

Don't bother, mister. They wanted over fifty bucks for the table dance.Robert

Run everybody! The gerbils can't keep 'em busy for long!!eddie f.

Gee, I wonder how many 'Just got a hooker' captions this scene will create. Too bad all I had was a twenty.Pastor of Muppets

I got ten bucks for your glasses! That should pay our mortgage for three more days. . .Sgt. Spam

I've never been thrown out of a restaurant by the fashion police before! Boy, does mom look pissed!Gromble

The waiter said you could take your measly dollar tip and shove it up your ass. When did you start leaving tips?Schickelgruber

Hey Daddy, I saw that bastard waiter slip Mommy his number, so I took your tip back -- split it with me?Vice Pope Doug

Hey Daddy, pull my fiver! [a DFC Komedy Klassic, circa 1952]Vice Pope Doug

The gang of criminals including, Billy Boy Keane and Slop Face PJ was making their daring escape with over $200,000, when Dick Tracy showed up and ruined the party. Livin' In Deep 13

The waiter said we obviously needed it more than he did.Rotter

"Thanks for all the new toys, Chuck, but you'll never be able to buy our false affection quite like Bil did."jaina solo

I made a hundred bucks for doing the waiter in the restroom! I guess I'll have to start charging you, eh, Dad?The Lawyer

"Of all the stupid hats you four are wearing, Dolly's takes home the trophy. What were you thinking, Bil? This is the 90's!"jaina solo

5 star restaurant, my ass...they can't make beans and vodka the way you can, Dad.Tazabby

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