DFC #177

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Hey! Whoever sent the letter bomb, you'll need more postage!Doc Evil

Crowd surfing at a Raffi concert? What will they think of next?Thomas Wilde

C'mon guys, this AIN'T rocket science. What part of "no blow job, no pay check" don't you understand?anon

. . . and whenever they got too rowdy, Postman Pete would calm the children down with his stirring rendition of Don't Cry For Me, Argentina.The Hanged Man

Easy...easy...no sudden movements...don't let them see you're reaching for the pepper spray...they can smell fear... Greg J

The worst thing about this, thought Lewis with his last dying breath, is that a bunch of semi-concious college students are going to see how many pedophile jokes they can make about this scene. Greg J

Okay, new recruits--you can thank Dear Abby for this: it's all addressed to "Any Service Member." I think I'll just drop it on the ground and let you maggots squabble over it.Sarge

OK, anybody else here want to send a letter to God? And remember, God likes it when you send him your lunch money.This is a job for Tess & Monica

Ok, now who wants to start the bidding for this ten-ounce package of coke? Do I hear two hundred dollars?...Tazabby

"The Son of Sam Meets Lord of the Flies."-7 PM on the WB.The Smoking Mirror

Musical scene from "Ron: The World's Most Fertile Mailman."Jizmo the Wonder Horse

"Mr Chao? (Sigh). Mr CHEN Chao? (Sigh). DAMN I hate working in Beijing!"halaq

Now kids, only one of you gets to pull the "special" package from Mr. Mailman's zipper. anon

Great! First sheep cloning, now this!phonsux

Well, first of all, you're all gonna need a good deal of US postage on your forheads, If I'm gonna take you all away from here.Truant

Man, I'll take Marmaduke humping my leg anyday.anon

Sorry kids, all I've got are letters from your sponser parents, Sally Struthers got to the food before we could deliver it...The Almighty Afro

"Oh my GOD, it's quicksand!!! I thought they were just severed heads!"Doughty

"Brains... BRAINS!"hippie

Good news! Kathie Lee gave you all bonuses this month!Jizmo the Wonder Horse

Get back you little bastards! The settlement checks from Michael Jackson don't come til tomorrow!Schickelgruber

A steamroller! A steamroller! My mailbag for a steamroller!Shakespearegruber

A postal worker trying to get through the Million Melon MarchCharlie Steinhice

The corn wants WHAT? What the hell are you talking about?Charlie Steinhice

What is this, northern Idaho or Forsyth County or something? Man, I've seen more diversity at a Texaco board meeting!Charlie Steinhice

C'mon, JUMP for it, you little freaks! War Gerbil

Next week on the X-files: The bizarre death of a federal employee lead Mulder and Scully on a quest to find the truth about the town of time traveling zombie war children.keldog

He thought he noticed a few new heads, again, as he waded his way to the Dahmer's doorstep. "That tears it," he determined. "Either he shovels this walk or first thing Monday I'm telling my supervisor!"Rotter

WARNING: This package of DFC Kidz sold by weight, not by volume. Contents may have settled in circle during shipment.Rotter

"Rain, snow, sleet, dark of night.....nope, nothing in my contract about cannibal pygmies. I'm changing routes."Nightfall

Later, under questioning by police, the children would only stare slackly and drool, mumbling that "Sam" made them gnaw off the mailman's legs...The Mean Person

The original shot contained only a few children, but with help of Industrial Light and Magic, more children were added digitally for the "special edition" re-release Destroy all Astromen

No, you idiots this is all Calvin's fan mail! You gotta be funny to get this stuff.DieBilDie

As the hoards of true believers and witnesses to his miracles crowded around him, Rupert, patron saint of efficient postal delivery, was assumed bodily into Heaven.The 4-Star Pope

Take another step and I'll kill your Coco-Puffs Rebates.helen keller

BACK, I said! You wouldn't want me to get DISGRUNTLED, now would you?Jessica Steinhice

"I hate delivering plastic surgery coupons in the Bil Keane universe!"sewer urchin

A scene from Alfred Hitchcock's early and very disturbing film, The Kids. Later he remade it into its better-known form, replacing the melonheaded midget stars with birds.DeRaptor

Mail call for Camp Ditch The Little Bastards in a Vast Trackless WasteTrotsky

Jeez, what is this, a game of Spot the Peanuts Characters?Preacher/Judge

Back off, you little bastards! Mr. Jackson told me if he caught me smuggling any more of you out of here, he'd sic that damn chimp on me! HypoLuxa

I know I'm super late, and I've missed a few decades, but I'm here to deliver the 90's!Truant

The Branch Dysfunctional compound was so radically anti-Govenment that the Mailman would be brought before the High Priest Billy, who would invariably bite the Mailman's balls off.The Troll

Nature facts: A hungry school of round-headed piranha children can strip the meat off a mailman in ten seconds!Larry Hastings

Back, you little freaks! The cops and the dogs got ALL the drugs headed for the Keane house! ALL the drugs! Now back off!Vice Pope Doug

Meanwhile, back in the old country, the Keane clan eagerly awaits correspondence from their kinsmen in Americasicily

Bil Keane's attempt to hold a steady job ends in failure, as a LSD flashback kicks in, and he imagines his four children multiply to four thousand . . .anon

Man! Who ever heard of a mosh pit at Chuck E Cheese?!Azazael

"Then the supervisor put up his hands like this and begged for his life, but Mr. Larson just laughed and blew him away. After that, he killed the other supervisors and then he killed himself. That's why he won't be your mailman any more."Ghost Grandpa

One moment of terrible clarity-- It's the same three kids over and over with different clothes! --and then it was gone... but Mr. Handley was never the same again.Ravecavy

Waldo has found himself in Munchkinland, where everyone's less than two feet tall. Can you find him?Ravecavy

All he wanted was to deliver the mail. What he got was his own religion.Thomas Wilde

Geez for the last time...the "HighLight" swim suit edition is next month!!!Richie Bagood

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