DFC #179

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Jeez Bil, just how anachronistic do you want to be? You've got this early-sixties kitchen in here, but you've got the fraggin' Santa Maria on the horizon!Pensive

Hand me down a couple of those fishsticks while your in there. I'm trying to teach P.J to ballance a ball on his nose.FlapJacker

Now that we're done, could I have an ice cube to reduce the swelling?jeffyc

Yeah, maybe major league pitchers do soak their hands in ice water after a game, but all you did tonight was get drunk at the bowling alley. How sore could you be?Mike Smith

Ice may reduce the swelling, but if you want to loosen your neck up enough to face forward again, I'd use a heating pad or something instead.Charlie Steinhice

Don't let a cloned sheep named Dolly give you any ideas, Bil. I think you need a bit more high-tech equipment than a fridge and some ice trays. And no, you are not taking a cell from my nipple.Drew

I was wondering if we could please get a step stool for the fridge. Ive been living off a jar of mayonnaise for weeksanon

Will you please close the door? I'm trying to keep my samples for my parole officer as fresh as possible!OM

Good news, Daddy! The two-legged pants have arrived! Should I bring them to you, or would you rather waddle to the door yourself?Jim Smith

Daddy! The dishes are washed and I cleaned my room, so can I have a piece of ice now?Livin' In Deep 13

Okay Daddy, let's try this again. The reason you're vodka ice cubes won't freeze is because of the alcohol content. It keeps them from freezing. You'll have to mix them with something. Pure vodka won't freeze. Understand? No? (Damn, how did I get a father who's a 2nd grade drop-out?) Okay, I'll try again, but I'll try not to use big words this time.Anastasia

Ok, mom wants a gin and tonic, Mr. Johnson wants a Vodka on the rocks with a twist, and Mrs. Johnson wants someone who fills out his bowling shirt manfully....mom says thats two parts slob and one part alcohol.Scooby

"I can't live with this lie anymore. I'm not your real daughter, I'm actually named Doris Feldman. Your real daughter died twelve years ago, in a tragic accident. There, I said it. Now, what's for dinner?"Sgt. Spam

Are the Jello shots finished?anon

Just enjoying the view, thanks....Buoy Toy

Daddy, How is mommy going to be able to breath after you close the 'fridge door?Mojo Friendship

You won't need the ice cubes tonight, daddy. Billy's been tweaking my nipples all day - they're so hard I could scratch glass with 'em!dogboy

Dad, do you ever get the impression that we're living in some sort of government compound? I mean, the white, shiny everything kinda tipped me off.nonentity

"Dad, I couldn't help but notice that the dishes are washed, the house is clean and dinner is on the table. Is Uncle Roy staying the weeknd again?" Speed R

"Perhaps if there was food in there besides mayonnaise, vodka, and ice, I could grow tall enough to reach the 'frigerator handle too."jaina solo

Tell you what--I'll quit spamming "alt.support.tall" if you'll quit spamming "alt.support.short."Devon

. . . and when my friends come over, could you move Billy's head to the back? It sorta grosses them out.The Hanged Man

"Really Dad, I prefer to think of Jeffy as half thawed."Jizmo the Wonder Horse

Why does it hurt when I pee, Daddy? ---DFC oldie # 15 phonsux & bro

"One more time, Bil. Shaken, not stirred. And "very dry" means just a whisper of... oh, why the hell do I even bother to explain all this to a man who drinks Pathmark gin right out of the bottle?Dr Rep

Bil stared soundlessly past Dolly. Her chattering faded away, leaving him to focus on one thing and one thing only: that damn Thel had left a smudge on the shiny linoleum floor, again.Bev

Aw, ice cubes and steak sauce for dinneragain?Rotter

This is my favorite part of Sunday morning... Cocktails before church!Schickelgruber

Could you not? Thats sorta my cucumber.Truant

Daddy, Billy says to come into the living room right away. He finally managed to tie Kittycat's tail in a knot with his tongue!Bev

...and get the turkey baster out of the drawer, too. I've got a lesbian couple in the living room who've decided on LV-87, a *snicker!* "Ultramarathoning Caltech biologist."Rotter

Daddy, I know I'm allegedly way too young to know what autoerotic hanging is. I also know that I get in trouble for spyin'. However, your friend Roy is turnin' really purple right now, an' I thought you should know ...Vice Pope Doug

Billy says if you're gonna have a "safe" sandwich, ya gotta use a condiment!Vice Pope Doug

Were you REALLY the biggest knockout barkeep at the People's Temple?Orbiter-5

Will you watch Sesame Street with me daddy? Today they have Mark Fuhrman and the letter "N"!Gromble

Boy, it's really cool to see a full refridgerator, even if it is at someone else's house.phonsux

It was like some demented Pavlovian experiment. Dolly had seen "9 1/2 Weeks" so many times she became stimulated upon first sight of ice cubes -- Jeffrey Keane - See you in the Funny PapersRiff

That's the left over banana suprise Mommy had to make when Jeffy went insane.Anastasia

So how'd your bowling gamete... er, I mean, game go? How many pins did you knock up-- knock over! I meant knock over! Er, anyway, I, uh, had something kind of impregnate-- er, important to discuss with you...Ravecavy

Hey Daddy, I've got a riddle for you... what has six legs, buzzes, and fails to revive in primitive cryogenics experiments?Ravecavy

Good work Dad! The kidney's on ice, the Saudis have deposited the money in our Swiss account and Billy's sutures appear to be holdingJimmy Jenkins

Back to the DFC Archive index