DFC #195

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

He's going to torch the station wagon! Step on it, Mom!Mike M.

They watched Bil's approach with calm resignation. Only Billy--his arms trapped in the closed rear window--wasn't prepared to "leave his vehicle" in the cleansing flame.Marty Gray

Okay, what's with the forehead? Did you have to pay for the gas with your frontal lobes or something?Charlie Steinhice

"Come on, daddy, keep running! She can't go that fast stuck in first gear! Don't leave us alone with her, PLEASE!"anonymouse

Hey Dad! Wouldn't it be easier if you rode with us until we actually run out of gas?Mutant Dog

You call that an arson job? Look behind you - you had a gallon of hi-octane and you couldn't even get Charley Brown's house to stay lit without syphoning gas out of his dad's old jalopy!OM

Bil, you're pathetic! You took so damn long, we had hitchhikers offering to give us rides!OM

Daddy! You stopped for drinks, didn't you?! Your nose is bloodshot!kewie

When Bil saw Billy's decapitated head and arms stuck in the back window, he knew that it was now a really lousy day...Colin

I don't know which is worse...the old bastard abandoning us out here, or feeling remorse and coming back.Jojo the spiv

Only half a gallon? We'll have to lighten the load. Should we draw straws or should Thel hook a ride home like the last time?Pastor of Muppets

Dad, as much as you might want it to, the car won't run on piss!Riff

"Now, do you see why cell-phones and triple A are worthwhile, you cheap zero?"phonsux

Thanks, papa. You really came through for us this time.Mighty Owl

Hurry up. The radio said there's an escaped prisoner with a prosthetic hand on the loose!Pik

Aw Jeeeez!! We needed a tire, Bil! A fuckin' tire, not gas!Ratman

Note to myself: stop sucking before the gasoline reaches the end of the hose.ewhac

We send you to get gas and you come back with a jug of hillbilly wine?! That's it. I'm walking!goon

Hey, that's not the real Bil! What is this, Bewitched or something?!Tom

Step on the gas, mom! The T-1000 is catching up, and he's morphing from dad into Rodney Dangerfield!Tom

Good news: time travel works. Bad news: this is still the DFC, fuckhead!Vice Pope Doug

You fool! You forgot to cover the license plates! Let's get the hell outta here!Big ol' Bob

Well, it's about friggin' time, Bil. We've already had 5 guys offer to fill Mommy up.Dave--yeah, that'll work

How did you manage to elude the redneck with the banjo?Anastasia

When you're done with that, you might want to change the front tires. We got bored waiting for you.Anastasia

"Dad, we all understand that you wish you never married Mom or had any of us-but what did it solve to burn down the church where you got married? All those innocents, they didn't deserve to die-why Dad, why!?"DR. SCHMUCK

Bil wondered, "Why couldn't a dog named Cujo stop by? Why couldn't several dogs named Cujo stop by?"phonsux

Bil knew that he'd never get away with it, but if he had to listen to Billy whine "Are we there yet?" one more time, they would all receive the cleansing fire of high octane hell....Raven

Dad, if I told you we panicked and ate Jeffy, would you promise not to do a cartoon about it?orrin bloquy

"Darjeeling? But we all wanted orange pekoe!"Jim Ellwanger

Dad, it's not that we don't appreciate your walking back to town and buying a gas can. We were just sorta hoping it might have occurred to you to fill it up.Paul Roub

Bil, what were you thinking?! The physical pain of Barfy taking me from behind is nothing compared to the emotional trauma I'm gonna suffer from all the DFC-ers having a field day with it!Steevie

Hurry it up, Dad! That cross is going attract a lot of attention in a minute or two...shane


"Dad, it's pointless asking. This is the road to Hell."Daniel Lanker

"You and your damn philosophy of never wasting anything. Just because you ran over a squirrel doesn't mean that you have to jump outta the car and cook the carcass-I mean, WHAT FOR? The other animals don't even care if their food is well done & seasoned properly. What the fuck is the matter with you? What?"DR. SCHMUCK

You made sure grandma was dead, right? You buried her deep, right? You burned her clothes, right? You made sure to say the entire dark mass, right?anon

Come on! Faster! How are you gonna win the "Pervert and Tea Kettle" walking race if you don't practice?Tazabby

For several days after, Bil just couldn't figure out where the large burn mark on his left thigh came from.Tazabby

Hurry up! Dolly has to use the pot next!riverside

That's just great, pop; you remembered the gas, but where's my fucking latte!?Eric D. Ellis

You left your wallet in the car, Dad! How'd you get those scruffy-looking men at the gas station back there to give you gas?Neccowafer

I bet if you pour that on Barfy, he'll disconnect himself from my ass!Neccowafer

You'll get there much faster if you don't walk backwards!Mighty Owl

Dad, we needed GAS! We don't care if the ass-inflater was on sale!Preacher/Judge

Well, that was a long seven hours! Man, if Mommy hadn't called for pizza on her cellphone, we'd have star...oops...Rotter

Hey, save a quart of that stuff for me, will you? I told Jeffy I'd set him on fire if he sang "Found A Peanut" one more time, and I'm a man of my word.Rotter

Man oh man, unless you've got four cold Yoo-Hoos hidden behind your back, you're gonna feel real dumb walking all the way back into town!Rotter

Dad, you have to be the least enthusiastic arsonist I've ever seen!Crackers

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