DFC #198

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

You better hurry, Uncle Roy and Bil are finishing off the rest of the coke under the table. You remember what happened last time you were late, don't you? Well, let me just say this. Uncle Roy just bought Bob Flannagan - Supermasachist and he seems real anixous to try some new "things" on someone.Tie up Huggy and slap my Bear ass!

Hurry up Billy, the powers that be at the DFC screwed up and we get to eat again. Hurry - you know it won't happen again for at least 20 more cartoons.anon

As the scene played around him, Jeffy's mind wandered, eventually turning to a contemplation of his career so far. Sure, it was a good gig - nice dough, fame, the occasional vacation... but was he a better actor than he was 37 years ago?Blankenhorn

"Don't look under the table... Daddy's having a Vietcong prison camp flashback."Wonko

Hurry! We're going to have the vodka-flavored tequillas in Daddy's memory now.Tazabby

It was as if a light went on in Barfy's small canine head: Fewer people means more food. Tonight, the little bastard with the wavy hair would end up 'missing' ninailer

I keep stabbing at my wrists with this fork, but I just can't do enough damage to get out of this hell hole.Tazabby

Jesus, brother! Where's the theme from "Shaft" when you really need it?Mighty Owl

Running *TO* the table? Now that's a Keane family first!Charlie Steinhice

Hurry up, Billy! You and Barfy can beat out Bil for the last two spots!anon

Remember, we want to stay out of the red asterisk, so ixnay on the oylentsay eengray.His Imperial Majesty

It looks bad...Jeffy's got the pint of Old Granddad at his left elbow, and he keeps singing Hank Williams songs. Keep that Domestic Abuse Hotline number handy.Diggit

You know, it's not fair. Daddy's disembodied arm is sitting right there on the table, and we're still not allowed to make any 'eating family members' jokes.Heath

Coming late for dinner is rude. But a young boy unable to tear himself away from Lifetime, that's just sad.Rotter

"It's true. Mommy said we're all out of watermelons so we're going to have to carve up your head. I heard her say it. And you're adopted, too."little daniel jones

Jeffy's drinking nothing but vodka, PJ has repeatedly dumped his bowl on the floor, Daddy ran screaming from the table, Barfy has once again lived up to his name, and I just ate my own leg. All in all, I wouldn't recommend the meatloaf tonight.Sicily Sarajevo

You're late. That means we have something in common . . . The Hanged Man

Billy, you just missed it! Daddy had another flashback and jumped out the window!(actual size)

Don't bother running. Steaming hot gruel is still gruel.The Hanged Man

Jeffy kept nursing his scotch, ignoring his idiot sister's babble. "Why God." he thought. "Why am I trapped in this monochrome hell?"P.T. Swizzlestick

Since Daddy's not home, you have to be the man of the house, Billy. Think you can mumble grace, drink til you vomit, and make the "midnight rounds"?Schickelgruber

Billy, it's meatless Hamburger Helper and white bread. It's what we have every night. Why are you so fucking eager?Jojo the Spiv.

"See? Mommy learned her lesson from frame #1. No milk cartons on the table this time. It's nearly two-hundred frames later, but she learned!"phonsux

While Dolly happily informed BIlly about the new margarita mix, Jeffy stared solemly at his club soda . . . only three more weeks of AA, and then the judge would release him from the program.phonsux

Go get the "head of the household" and tell him that his slop is congealing and his bowl of steam is condensing.nonentity

That's right Billy! Run! Run! Golly, you might just miss another grim, joyless, silent hour with our hopelessly alienated family!Jojo

Honest! Cindy Crawford was just at the window asking for you.Anastasia

Following nature's course, the young once again displaces the old. Here, having disposed of Bil, the new "man of the house" strides to his seat at the head of the table.anon

Quick Billy, loosen my ponytail so I can chew!PoohBear

Back to the DFC Archive index