DFC #201

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Come, dear," said Thel in a robotic monotone, "we're all going to the nearest cliff to leap happily to a messy death." The Psychic Fern merely watched as its nefarious plot for more panel time, possibly its own comic strip, unfurled.DoomTrout

"We took a vote, and we've all decided you're the one with the funny shaped head"a dog who shall remain anonymous

"Velkommen, Herr Keane. We are your new family now. The Reich is very interested for your work to proceed without interruption, nicht wahr?"Kurt S.

"Of course we're not CIA plants. We're your family and we're happy to see you as always. Now why don't you take your coat off, Mr.-uh-Keane, is it?"Kurt S.

Seeing us happy makes you suspicious? Well, seeing you suspicous makes us HAPPY!Mr. Ben

The Lollypop Guild here has retained me to act as their legal representative. In that capacity, I must ask that you cease and desist your fraudulent "lickability inspections" immediately. The 4-Star Pope

As the children lauched into "doh-a-deer-a-female-deer" Mr Von Trapp wondered who the hell had let Julie Andrews out of the asylum againno12no

Four good reasons why it doesn't matter if condoms don't feel as good.Beware of Dog

"Bil, we finally figured it out. You're a cartoonist. You work at home. How's'bout tellin' us-all of us-exactly where you go to work every morning?"Thomas Wilde

"Hey, Mr. Wanna-be Tim Leary, can you guess which kid is high on which drug?"phonsux

Bil wearily stared at the familial tableau being played out before him, and faintly realised, much to his joy, that frontal lobotomies did work on 4 out of 5 patients.tv's Spatch

Welcome, Mr. Keane. As you can see, the children are all lined up for your inspection.....one of them is a REAL child while the other three are explosives. Choose wisely.Don Spudleone

You're too late. We ate three panels ago.Charlie Steinhice

As Bil slowly backed out the door, he rejoiced that the deadly freeze gun had worked precisely as the aliens promised. The reckless promise of himself as human research subject had not, after all, been in vain.leek

"Hello- Bil. On- behalf- of- the- children- I- would- like- to- say- that- we- are- all- very- happy- to- have- moved- to- Stepford."Shifter

What's wrong Bil? Don't you recognize the children with their clothes on?X329

I let them watch Friends by mistake. Now they're all demanding $100,000 per cartoon.Teo

They follwed me home, Honey. Can we keep 'em? The legend begins...Doc Evil

Bil, we're all really proud of your new hernia belt, but it might be better to wear it under your clothes next time.Don Reynaldo Cornholio

Hello Bil, Years of neglect and humiliation at your hands created a forge of hatred which I used to shape their emerging psychic abilities. The gestalt has formed and it is more powerful than I dreamed. Who will save you now? Ida know, not me. BWAHAHAHAHA!Sammy

Bil took stock of the situation. All lined up, smiles frozen on their faces. "Fucking cannibals," he thought. "They won't get me without a fight."Mr. Wise Guy

So Bil Keane, why don't you, me, your lovely children, and the little slut you've been meeting here on your business trips all go out to dinner, where we can talk about relationships and alimony and child support...not elsie

Guess what the little bastards did for show and tell in pre-school today? They reenacted your first prison rape on PJ.RaD

The kids? Oh I just told them that they're all a product of my incestrous relationship with my brother and not you.anon

We're going to visit the senator we bought in DC!Yakko

Honey, we just found the most wonderful thing. It's called a restraining order.Peon

That's him, officer! The second from the left!anon

"Remember me? That wild, wacky night in Vegas? No? Maybe THESE will refresh your memory..."anonymouse

"Psst...say we're going to the M-O-V-I-E-S, not the S-L-A-U-G-H-T-E-R-H-O-U-S-E."ANONYMOUSE

Guess which one of us didn't do the mailman while you were gone.anon

Raven! Surely you aren't accompanying us to the Saturnalia celebration without your warlock cloak!grafcafe dot com

I know they all look so damned smug. It wasn't me who bet them he could beat all of them in a drawing contest and lost!J. Wally Thompson

Bil grew very wary at that moment. The last time all his children were lined up and smiling like this, he wound up bound and gagged and half drowned in a pool of his own blood.Azazael

"Oh, God--not another intervention," thought Bil!robmid

Nothing, why? Just a regular evening, Una -- er, honey. Just a little dinner and siege, er -- with soup. Nope we're not FBI-ing -- uh _fibbing_. So just confess ... er, undress I mean, and relax. We'll be back in a little while.Vice Pope Doug

You look tired, honey. Should I suck you off now, or do you want to fuck one of the kids?marx

Bil froze, afraid to move. The smiles, Thel's glazed stare, that damn plant...it all made sense at last. Time seemed to stop. Somewhere, a wolf howled.The Bear Fan

He blinked once, then twice. Shit, it was them! But which family did he run off the road this morning?Pastor of Muppets

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