DFC #206

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Like a child plays with a favorite rag doll, Thel lived in denial of Dolly's death for six months--dressing her, undressing her, setting food in front of her. It wasn't until one arm snapped off in her hand that the first flickers of recognition emerged.Larry Hastings

Ok Bil, I think the meatloaf will pass for Jeffy. Go let the social worker in now.Prof. Moriarity

Honey, get the duct tape--I think the little bastard found a place to breathe.John Franson

"No, sweetie: the rats won't gnaw through so long as you keep moving, but you'll need goggles for the cockroaches."Paul T. Riddell

Since Bill Waterson hung up his pencils, Calvin tried many elaborate disguises to get work in any strip. Coming to the Family Circus demonstrates just how low he had sunk.phonsux

Prepare for take-off! When I yank on the scarf, keep your arms straight and think light thoughts.Big ol' Bob

...and after you have climbed the fence and are on US 27, thumb it to the 96 interchange. Quit whining! You wanna visit gramma or not?Ron Martin

Okay, I've placed the Dorito on your shoulder... if you can reach it, it's yours!Troy

Now Jeffy, don't sneeze or your boots will fill up.Operative Slug

Now I'll just put you in the web until your innards liquify. That reminds me, I need to get some straws."halaq

"Now, listen. Only by de-emphasizing your feminine attributes can we convince Daddy he's finally achieved his dream of having all boys in the family, and then he'll come down off the water tower with Mister High-Powered Rifle."tv's Spatch

"Well, OK, I'll let you go outside again to play that Donner Party game of yours. But if you and your brothers aren't in by Cartoon #320, we'll just have to eat dinner without you."tv's Spatch

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you called Mommy an 'ignorant twat'."tv's Spatch

And I also want a new leather thong, and the complete video set of "Sweaty Studs," and....by the way, Santa you look much smaller in person.Tazabby

Here in state's evidence #11, we see a photograph of the suspect leaning over to take her first bite of the young victim...in whom we can see that rigor motis has already set in. trial transcripts of Thel "Dahmer" KeaneTazabby

Sorry, sweetie. Barfy chewed up the ball gag, so this is the best I can do.Gen. Sedgwick

Uhh, Bil...We got the wrong child. This isn't Jeffy...it's Velma from Scooby Doo!toade

...once you're on the bus, remember to yell 'Allah Akbar', and then pull on the scarf.Diggit

"Look...five miles is nothing...when I was your age, I had to march ten miles through the snow to get to the liquor store"mutantdog

There, this should make you appreciate the luxury of breathing.sINad

Yassir Arafat:The early years!Skywise

I haven't seen any "Tardis," whatever that is, I don't know a thing about any reverse-aging temporal/spatial warp, and if you don't knock off that "I'm Dr. Who" crap, I'll wallop you into next week.The 4-Star Pope

Well, if you'd stop playing with it, we wouldn't have to bind you up like this!Elvis

Now Daddy and I are going on vacation, these clothes should keep you warm until we come back, next week.anon

It's nothing personal, sweetie, but you are kind of an ugly little fuck.Vice Pope Doug

By the time Thel noticed the decoy, Jeffy -and the contents of the Keane's savings account- was halfway to Brazil.Shifter

You know what happens to children who play with Mommy's liquid nitrogen? They get their little, brittle arms snapped off! That's what.Sammy

"... now go out there and be the best pinata you can be."Mr. Menstration

Thel had bet her friends that if, on the hottest day of the summer, she pasted a picture of a winter scene of Jeffy's window, he would put on his coat. It ended up costing Jeffy his life.anon

Umm, this isn't quite what I meant when I asked if you wanted to go 'muff-diving'anon

Now remember, Jeffy, there is no such thing as lemon snow. It took me three years to drill that into Billy.Ratman

Why, you're the Stephenson's boy, aren't you! Then whatever did I cook for dinner?brainiac

Well let's see... by the six inch cuffs on the pants, I'm guessing this is Jeffy.nonentity

Time out, there's no one in Jeffy's suit! Send out the dogs, he's escaped! Colin

Of course you have to go pee now. But mommy needs some time to be alone with Uncle Hank.myke

My my, which little deviant shit are you?The Prisoner of Zelda

I know you were trying to be funny, but Charlie Brown used up these jokes in the 60s.Kevin Wayne Williams

And when you get older, you'll be able to play this kind of cruel joke on your own children.Anastasia

I don't care if it IS 80 degrees out there, WE MUST MAINTAIN THE CHARADE!!Johnny Mojo

Back to the DFC Archive index