DFC #209

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Although many gargoyles may have a fearsome appearance, their demonic forms actually served a protective service, frightening away the forces of evil. Many also served a functional purpose; their gaping maws acted to funnel rainwater away from the walls, so as to prevent the slow decay of erosion.Shifter

OK here's the problem. The T-1 got whacked with a roto-tiller. We should have the connection back up in a couple of hours.Yakko

You won't have to pick up after Dolly anymore, Mommy. I made a line of Graham Crackers leading onto the Interstate.anon

In a few moments, Jeffy will demonstrate his carny act for us by stuffing his entire body into his spacious mouth.Shifter

...And this is the brick he shat when he found out Mom was running that 900 number. And this is the brick he shat the time he caught Dolly in a three-way with Nancy and Sluggo. And this...Heath

Yup, it's dead. Thank GOD somebody finally ran over that damn dotted line with the lawnmower.Magus

"I am just so charismatic that I can point at mere DIRT and it's worthy of publication. Let's just see if either the muffian Dolly, or Billy the pipe-head can duplicate that!"phonsux

And this rock I call Barnicale Bill...living a lie

"Yeah, Dad, go fo the Hoffa joke! If you can't beat the DFCers, join 'em!"phonsux

"You just watch, it's going to be Attack of the Killer Tomatoes all over again!"Morwen

Stupid captions are no longer dumped out, but are mulched into an effective fertilizer at the now environmentally friendly DFC.alanon

Hey! Is it too late to submit new O.J. evidence?Doc Evil

The ants are bogarting th' Nestle' White bars, again!Doc Evil

Your tomatoes are lovely, Mommy. Soft, powdy, supple, dainty and just so slightly perky...And now a contrived reference to a green thumb... anon

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Mapplethorpe!"Thomas Wilde

"Why, look at this! It's the dessicated insectoid carcass of Family Values, twitching and grasping on to the withering shreds of life it has left. Sorry, Mom, were you saying something to Mr. Fascist WASP Church Minister??"nad jones

Jeffy points to the one grain of non-Difficult Zone material in the whole garden.Mr. Ben

Under hypnotherapy, Jeffy "revived" a repressed memory about a sibling his father had murdered years before and buried in the backyard. After leading police to the site, all that was found was an old bottle of Coors.anon

Women? I need not women. The good earth nourishes me, protects me. The land is all I need. Mother Earth is the only woman in my life. Please, let us be alone.Mighty Owl

Generic DFC Caption #413: Social Services'll put me in a foster home after I show 'em this pot patch!The Hanged Man

The family parakeet was the first to snuff it in Jeffy's backyard tar pit. He had plans; he had many, many plans...spook

I told you the fingernails wouldn't disolve without the Quicklime!Prof. Moriarity

Right back here officers! See, this is where he grows it! And wait until you see the Shroom Farm in the basement! Hey, are you guys sure I'll get sent to a foster family? Once Bil finds out I finked him out, he's gonna be after my ass!Amazing AlKirk

Mommy, this is the third time those militant Pentacostals have trashed the flower bed since you got your new hair-do, they even left one of those "God gave women long hair" pamphlets this time. When do we draw the line?Mighty Owl

DFC Trivia #43: Although Bil Keane was able to sneak in the 69 reference on Jeffy's shirt, censors still required his pants to be airbrushed back on.P.T. Swizzlestick

TURN-ONS: Crystal Meth, Sesame Street, Care Bears. TURN-OFFS: Nap Time, Amorous Pets. FAVE PASTIMES: Pointing, Squatting and Drooling.Vice Pope Doug

"Okay, I'm on it! Turn on the sprinkler and let 'Enema-fest" begin!"the hunter

When Midget Melonheads Grow To Frightening Proportions: Tonight on Fox!Skywise

It was on that fateful day, when Jeffy went diving for a hooker's discarded cigarette butt, that his long slide into moral depravity began.Billy Keane, The Vicious Circle

I think you need sharper stones to keep the coyotes from digging up Grandpa's body!ol doc bear

Despite his weeks of training and countless hours on the lawn, poor Jeffy would never grow up to be a mailbox.bobo

So how long before we get to smoke it?Anastasia

...a National Merit Scholar. Dolly's already had an exhibition of her artwork, and PJ! Do you know he tested in the top 4% of his age group? Oh, yes, and Jeffy. Well, he really likes to squat and point.Rotter

Is Jeffy: A) Pinching a loaf B) Bopping the bishop C) Pointing at his pot seedlings D) About to get his tonsils tickled? You make the call on "Difficult Zone!"Paul "D-Zone" Reed

This here points to one conclusion, you lazy bastard. Clean the pool.Mighty Owl

An' this is where we grew the raddish shaped like a thingy!Westur the Unspeakable

Well what about my needs, PJ? What about my needs?Kukla, Fran, & Maggot

Back to the DFC Archive index