DFC #213

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

That's it Mister Bitchy, back in the twat!anon

On 3rd and long, Thel makes the right call -- PUNT!Sean Hart

Stop crying! You know the punishment for calling Mommy's breasts "pendulous"!Schickelgruber

No, Really.... There's no MONSTER under your bed... just take a look for YOURSELF!!!Orion the Hunter (I'm baaaacckk!!)

Thel felt a twinge of regret as she tore Jeffy's arms out. But dammit, she needed his small bones to reconstruct her chin.El Chupacabras

An ordinary suburban housewife uses her own offspring for dowsing.. and finds water in a hole in the bedroom floor. Believe it..or NOT!Mister Sinister (welcome back, Spinn...)

"And every time she put in that blasted Barry White CD, Mom said she was Gonna Love Me Love Me Love Just A Little More" -- My Name Is Jeffrey by J. Keaneanon

I'm sorry young man, but you've been warned! No pants, a black smudge underneath you, and various bodily fluids flying from your head! It's the Stupid Zone for you!alanon

Jeffy didn't take it well when they told him they were going to hand down Billy's lovely jacket to him.Peon

Paniced, and losing the fight, Jeffy Tyson lunged foward, biting his opponent's ear.Magus

"Hush little baby, don't you cry, or Mommy will poke out your other eye..."the hunter

You're NOT my real mommy! Her head was MUCH closer to her shoulders!Troy


Jeffy screamed as each digit snapped under the inhuman strength of Thel Batty. "For Pris...For Zora...," she hissed. "Proud of yourself for firing on an unarmed opponent, little man?" Jester

Christian science will only cure a spastic colon if you pray, my son. My responce to your request for Anusol is "Nay."Andrella

Earliest known record of Paul Atreides' Bene Gesserit training sessions.ewhac

...Don't argue with me, Jeffy, it's time for bed. Tell Satan to possess you tomorrow!OM

First the Moonies, then the Jehovah's Witnesses, and now the Dervishes! GOD, Jeffy, you're SO gullible!Gen. Sedgwick

Because Jeffy left his toys out, Thel was forced to dip him into the deep fat fryer, a traditional Keane family punishment.Podbeing

Snow White finally snaps.Magus

No it was your father's idea to wait this long to circumcise you. It saved $100 on the hospital bill too!anon

I'll kill him for saying that! I don't have mood swings!Horselover Fat (going for the obvious)

Flip! Damn you! Flip. How else do you think you'll ever be the next Dominique Mocianu?J. Wally Thompson

Strengthen your lower back the Thel Keene way!Blue Gargantua

After Thel took up the sport of Dwarf Tossing, the Keane kids' lifes were forever changed.anon

"Now, Jeffy, you know the rules -- at That Time Of The Month, it's your job to 'keep Daddy happy'."Clay Colwell

Relax kid. You've spouted eight projectile drips, four swooping lines and a drop shadow. A little dramatic, don't you think?ChoppingBlock

Jeffy's tantrum had reached the point where it was necessary to bring Cathy Guisewhite in to draw him.Mutantdog

"Oh, come on. You survived your lower arms being chopped off, and when we do the same to your legs we can market you in the Freak Show as 'Stumpy-boy, the Roving Foot Rest!'"the hunter

Rejected idea for a Nissan truck commercial: Action hero drives truck through a strange world of melon-headed lesbians and half nude children. The traditional Japanese geezer is replaced by Bil grinning drunkenly with a chihuahua wearing a tuxedo.jedi mind trip

Wait! They now have ways to PROVE shaken infant syndrome!arnette

Jeffy's protests and warnings go unheded as Thel's curiosity gets the better of her and she finds out just what his trip to Sweden was all about.phonsux

I'm sorry honey, we didn't know Grandma had died when we left you with her -- she's always been pretty quiet. It must have been a very long weekend for you! Vice Pope Doug

Once again, the gravity generators fail on Earth 2: The Mars Colony.Dennis T. Cheung

"Honey, believe me--" "No! Say it! Say IT! I'm ADOPTED! I'M ADOPTED! FOR GOD'S SAKE, SAY IT'S TRUE!"phonsux

'We knew Mom's drinking was out of control on the night she mistook Jeffy for P.J., wedged him into size two diapers, and then mistook his cries of torment for a desire to breast feed.' -- Dolly Keane, Circle of FearHideo Spanner

"For one brief instant Thel looked into my eyes, at the sheer terror and helplessness that lay there amidst my tears. I hoped with every fiber of my being that she would realize how frightened I was; how much I needed her to keep me safe. Then the frigid bitch followed through on her swing and heaved me out of my own bedroom window." --from "Can You Hear the Keane-ing of My Soul" by Jeffy Keane. Rich Lather

Sorry Jeffy, but if I swing a cat to measure the room, the ASPCA will be all over me.Anastasia

Jeffy, honey, I've already told you, if the growth hormones didn't work, we'd just have to stretch you manually. a.holter

Oh, stop whining. You know the rules. "You insult Mommy's haircut, you spend a night in The Hole." Preacher/Judge

Whine, whine, whine! Lots of boys wear lime green pants. Billy never complained that much when we bought him that new jacket in 211. bobo

This was the day that Jeffy was supposed to meet his real father...Mark Rosenfelder. To be honest, Mark was dreading this day MORE than Jeffy was!Mr. Ben

Picture if you will... A single moment in time, captured and forever held out of context. Levitation or child abuse? You have entered... The Difficult Zone.ewhac

Jeffy, stop it! Gallagher lost his watermelons and he needs something small to smash at the end of the show! Stop crying and get out there!Mr. Ben

It's the DFC Wrestling Federation!!! In a Bedroom of Death match, Cryin' Jeffy prepares to flip Mean Mommy Thel into a teddy bear wrapped in barbed wire! Oh, the carnage....Mr. Ben loves his Rebecca

Wake up Jeffy. Shemp is not trying to kill you with pruning shears.Monkntreb

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