DFC #214

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Look Dad! Morning woodpecker!You

"Beautiful morning, huh. The birds are singing, the air is country fresh, and there's not a dark cloud in the sky. You know what I realized this morning? I can't reach the top of my own fucking head. So, how's your life?"Shifter

Ever notice you never see a bird take a whiz?Doc Evil

Hey! Daddy! I just noticed something! No one's ever seen our teeth!!Mighty Owl

Thanks for stretching my arms Mom. It's great to be able to reach the window sill.Peon

HI! I'm your host, Jeffy! On today's show Bil will be showing you how to build a lovely birdhouse, Thel gives her top ten landscaping tips and Billy will show you the quicklime pit where he buried Martha Stewart! - Episode 215 of "Country Circle Living" with the KeanesDelsyn

Ah, Blondie's working on her tan again. Life is good.Peon

This scene would not have been possible six months ago. Thanks to Child Protective Services, Jeffy Grambowski wakes up to many, many bright days.Mighty Owl

"Tom was right! It does just take a smidgen!"Larry Hastings

Actually, it's just the excessive media attention on sensationalistic crime that is feeding into our feelings of disempowerment...excuse me..."Oh boy, a sexy bird! I get something for my fetish and for dinner!"...Anyway, this anxiety leads society into a spiral of...alanon

A young Jeffy never forgot the day he learned old sill windows are much like guillotines...I Saw, I Conquered, I Came...

Fuck Gregory Peck!I think it's a-ok to kill those goddamned mockingbirds!The Boy

"You can almost hear him crying out 'Help...me...' God, I love it when they hit the flypaper!"Paul T. Riddell


Jeffy's one-man show, "Uncle Remus! Uncle Remus! Uncle Remus!" closed in one night.Bill

And although Jeffy had stayed up half the night writing a witty bon mot about the duality of man, a drunken Bil quickly replaced it with "I wonner of worms taste like gaspetti?" Bill

"Hey Billy! The pigs say they want us to come out with our hands up! Whaddya say we throw out a hostage with his throat cut to show them we mean business?"Jester

Good bird you drew, Dad, but that Trapper Keeper on a stick still boggles my mind.Heath

Ah, Spring! When a young man's fancy turns to poisening the fucking freeloader birds!anon

"Hey look! "M" birds! And they're coming this way!"Chekov

Alright, our trap worked! Snoopy'll cough up a king's ransom to get him back!The Hanged Man

Papa! Come quick! This sparrow displays a genetic reversal, a half-inch killing claw on its second toe! Bakker was right!! Birds are dinosaurs, dammit!Mighty Owl

Billy! Billy! The birds are going for the angel dust! Get your ass in here!Mighty Owl

I use to suffer from severe post-coital anal leakage. That was until my Uncle Roy hipped to a new product designed specifically for the promiscuous male prostitute -- SaniCork™. I AM DAMO SUZUKI

Do I mid that I'm almost 40 years old and never have sex? Not really...I've got a place to live, clothes, and I'm part of a powerful international franchise. Come to think of it, it's kind of like being the Pope!kukla, fran, and jojo

The bad news is, a giant white nothingness is eating up our backyard and the sky. The good news is the bird likes the new feeder.Whoa is me.

"I'm in a foul fucking mood, but, hey, at least I look like I'm happy! Satisfied, butt-munches?"phonsux

Holy shit! There was a tree and a house outside this window in #213! Daddy's drawn us a new, carefree, life!Skywise

Look, she's feeding her babies her own vomit too! Colin

I tawt I taw a melon headed, lumpy-haired, no-particular-age kid! I did, I did! Colin

"Mom! He's downloading alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.robin again!"Morwen

Hot damn! Unless that bird ends up in the Difficult Zone, we eat tonight!Joe Klein

Billy, your experiment worked! Me, the window, the whole house - we've doubled in size!Joe Klein

Kittycat has birdie n'testines all over her face!Vice Pope Doug

Ohhh what a beautiful morning / ohh what a beautiful day / everything's goin' much better / since Daddy has stuck with AA!Vice Pope Doug

No one knew what would set Jeffy off on one of his moods. They just knew that when he saw the birds, all hell would break loose.Hugh Jass

I got a deal with the bird. I warn the bird whenever I see KittyKat coming, and in turn the bird craps on Bil's head each morning as he leaves for the publisher's office.Ratman

Generic DFC animal-watching caption: "Mmmm... Dinner!"anon

Look! That bird leads an independent, vibrant existence without being smothered by a family based on shame. What a stupid bird!Kukla

Sometimes when I look out the window at our beautiful world, I can almost forget that I live in a stucco shitbox that smells like baby shit and cigarettes.Kukla

Gee, why birds don't have melon heads?Kevy

Hett kvorters latest message suggests some troop movement near Brussels, Mein General!a.holter

Dolly, if you want real meat for supper, I need my arrow back now!Gen. Sedgwick

...and while the morning call sounds like "who-cooks-for-you," at night it changes subtly to "they're-all-against-you-Jeffy."Bill

"...but Jeffrey didn't make it. He simply had to get off one, last, parting shot at our sadistic wardens of ten years. In his moment of glory, the dogs took him down." --Billy Keene, Escape from Framily CircusBlue Gargantua

Hey guys! Birds will eat human flesh!Grmbrand Johnson

Ok everybody, all together, "Where the fuck is the openning to the birdhouse?!" ThankyouDoofus

Geez, and you jumped on me when I squatted on the garden in 209?! Look at that pile of guano -- our bird feeder's a fucking Superfund site!Phil

I called PJ over to the window just in time to see a pair of crows swoop down on the starling and rip its little body to shreds. To this day, all I have to do is make caw-ing noises to send PJ into a crying fit. Jeffy Keane, "Torment Your Siblings for Fun And Profit"

Hey Billy! Come watch "Formula Y" do its stuff. Die, avian fiend! Ha Ha!!BrightGuy, wronger of rights

I personally think feeding the birds is a waste of good pot seeds.Anastasia

Jeffy could not believe his eyes:A rare White Swallow, the only animal alive which could cure his rare "melontitis". He knew he would have to act quicklyThe Boy

As Jeffy posed for his starring role in the 7 out of last 8 cartoons, DFCers began to get the sneaking sucspision that one of the editors had a "Jeffy fetish"Tony's Dancing Clams

"It's working -- the bird guano is making the grass grow! If we can just build another 800 bird feeders, we could have a whole yard full of grass!"anon

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