DFC #215

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

You think Grandma's a lesbian? All she ever watches is Ellen and Xena!anon

Hey, what are we doing on Married With Children?Joe Breeden

No, it's not very comfortable, but if you help me push it back around, I might actually be able to get my head on straight in time for "Cheers."whatever

She just sits there, pantiless, waiting for the actors to noticeanon

No, it's your turn to kiss gramma's "lotus blossom" while she fantasizes about Matlock.Feh

Gran'ma told me that she bought herself a WebTV. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she spent 500 bucks on a videotape of an AOL infomercial.bobo

All the signs are there: the wig, the overflowing ashtray, the 'Psycho' tape is in, and he's ranting about 'Mother.' Bil's off his meds again.yook

You know it's just a picture glued on an old tv, and I know it's just a picture glued on an old tv, but if it keeps HER occupied, well....The 4-Star Pope

Think about it. Have you ever, anywhere in the house, anywhere at all, seen an electrical outlet? Exactly! So where's the damn picture coming from?The 4-Star Pope

Look, we KNEW there were going to be complications when we got Barfy from Mr. Berkowitz, but we agreed to deal with it. Now, the dog says "kill grandma," so, KILL GRANDMA!! The 4-Star Pope

She's watching that thing on top of the TV.. what the fuck is it?Jinx

I'm telling you, she put half the cast of "Days Of Our Lives" in her will, and she keeps calling Dan Rather "PJ." She's scaring me.BoZo23

I told her the new "SVDL" rating at the beginning means "Safe Viewing for Decent Ladies."Robert

Grandma said she's not moving until she gets her own circleLindap

Listen, we haven't been in a cartoon in ages -- don't fuck it up for me like you did last time, capishe?Yakko

Don't ask. Nobody sane has curtains and venetian blinds.Steve Bowden

"Watch this, Barfy...Dolly, kill."Paul T. Riddell

With grandma,let's just say the tv's on,but the cable's out,if you catch my drift.The Boy

I learned this watching gramma's soaps. It's called a "bitchslap." Hold still.Trevita

If I don't cover the bullet hole in my cheek, the light comes in and my mouth disappears....You asked. Trevita

This should be good - the drunken old bat thinks she's watching "Days of our Lives", but I snuck in Tonya Harding's wedding night video!Schickelgruber

Don't even think about trying for the door. She's armed and she's damned fast.Peon

Gramma takes a double dose o' meds and settles in for the afternoon --- that's why they're called "Dope Operas"!Vice Pope Doug

"We can only keep her propped up like that so long. Pretty soon the neighbors will start to wonder about the stench."spaz

It's amazing! As soon as she turns on "Nick at Nite" the TV changes from our big-screen Toshiba to a 1960 black and white!J. Wally Thompson

"Poor grandma! You can tell when she's trying to use the remote with her phantom limb..."hippie

She claims to be a time traveller from 1981 here to see if Boss Hogg ever got the best of "them Duke Boys."Bill

Check the Civil Defense Manual and see what it says to do when Bea Arthur wanders into your house.Bill

I mean, it's kind of hazy and all, but before "Grannie Nosferatu" moved in, didn't we have two brothers and another dog?Bill

"This is her favorite episode of Welcome Back, Kotter. She'll be in a trance for the next hour. Let's go shave Barfy.Wet Wookiee

Watch out -- Gramma, TV, something outside a widow, Barfy, and you with a doll -- this is a DFC "target rich" environment!Bill

Shut up Dolly! Mr. Kissinger's still pissed about that car thing. He says we disturb him while he's watching the soaps and he's gonna get Yalta on our asses, whatever that means. The Mighty Fishman


You know, I thought Patrick Stewart in a fright wig would be funny, but now that I see it, it's kind of creepy.Bill

Watch out! Grandma found out about our hydroponics lab in the basement, and boy is the ever pissed that we didn't include her!Ratman

"Either her hearing aid has broken again and she just won't admit it, or Grandma's learned Spanish."Shifter

Nothing prime time has to offer can compare with her used tampon shrine.By Jingo

But if she has to keep her arms crossed, why do they call it a straight jacket?Westur the Unspeakable

I'm telling you, her blouse is open. Actors who lisp make her "pinchy."Trevita

While you distract her with the doll, I'll sneak the Xanax out of her purse.Westur the Unspeakable

Still, she doesn't look particularly sentient.Westur the Unspeakable

She's showing signs of awareness. Double her dosage.Westur the Unspeakable

She's incontienent, but she's also an athority figure. That is the nature of paradox, grasshopper.Westur the Unspeakable

No, John Holmes told her she was too old to appear in this movie. Gave her a good gig as a fluffer, though.Joe Klein

I've been giving her sugar pills instead of nitro-glyceren for a week now. One good scare oughtta do it.Westur the Unspeakable

She's watching Forbidden Planet, but I told her it was footage from the Mars Surveyor. Let's watch the fireworks.Westur the Unspeakable

OK, ten more minutes of Deep Throat 9 and Granny'll be so wrapped up in herself that we can make a break for it!Riff

How come you never cradle YOUR knockers during "Saved by the Bell?"Onus

"I can still remember it all so clearly - the soundtrack from Bi-Buddies filling the house, Mom hiding in the upstairs bedroom, Billy warning me that Daddy had slipped once again into his alternate, Bruce... even the dog could sense the wrongness in that house." --Surviving in a Split Personality Household, Dolly KeaneTehporp

Grandma's supposed to go to the H-O-M-E while we're having Barfy put to S-L-E-E-P. But I'm thinking maybe the vet will cut us deal...-Jester

Once Gramma found out that Uncle Roy is a regular on the Guiding Light , she seems kind of proud that Daddy gets deeply buggered by him every Thursday afternoon.Kukla

I think we put too much Valium in Grandma's Metamucil. She hasn't moved since The Price is Right and she's starting to smell like Jeffy's diaper.Podbeing

Have you ever noticed that every appliance in this strip is Solid State. Every friggin' one!anon

Before Billy could warn Grandma, he turned and shrieked in horror. The undead Dolly creature had escaped the basement!P.T. Swizzlestick

I didn't know snuff films actually existed.P.T. Swizzlestick

I've seen this part. She gets naked, offers him a drink, and he hacks her to death with a pizza cutter while singing That's Amore'.OM

My hand poised to strike you and still you posture yourself as best your frumpiness permits...I must admit, you INTRIGUE me, woman!Trevita

Michael Jackson wipes his mouth like this sometimes. It's irrelevant but I like it.Onus

The LATE SHOW?!? IT'S PAST OUR BEDTIME!!!...I know. Big Deal. But problems of any greater magnitude might give our Christian readers ulcers.Trevita

And they call us freaks... she's got her melon head on vertical!a.holter

We spliced the end of Granny's Days of Our Lives tape to the begining of Daddy's Frolicks With Uncle Roy #27. Look's like the Queen of Denial is headed for a Depends Moment!Trotsky

"I've gotta run. After 10 more minutes of the Spice channel she's gonna start calling me 'Buster' and asking me to take a look at her plumbing.the hunter

Man, remember when John Holmes had that huge 'fro? Those were the days, eh?a.holter

She's refusing to leave until she sees PJ alive. What're we gonna do?anon

Her afternoons are a haze of phenobarbital and Three Company re-runs. I can't wait to get old.Cacoon

Stay clear, she's like a fucking rabid dog if you interrupt "Manimal". No offense, Barfy.a.holter

Here we are, drawn as if we're still children, inside a one-panel comic strip, watching "Grandma" watching a two dimensional representation of a three dimensional object which itself displays three dimensional objects on a plane. Frankly, this level of iconic recursion is more than I can take.S.

"She taped both episodes of 'Models,Inc'. Between that and 'Das Boot', she doesn't watch anything else."jedi mind trip

Someone should tell Bil that this "Grandmother" act of him isn't fooling anyone. My god, he didn't even shave this time.Bubba

" I tell ya, it's fuckin' Pavlovian...when Gopher drops Charo's ice bucket she pees in the chair every time!"spook

It's as if she's forgotten she doesn't have eyes.ChoppingBlock

Isn't that the Afro Clown Peeping Tom Rapist just beyond the window?ChoppingBlock

This is the scene where Brandy, the born-again child prostitute shemale, tells her boyfriend Buck, the self-made multibillionaire bastard child of an Armenian King, that she still has a penis. Grandma says she relates to this show.ChoppingBlock

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