DFC #217

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Billy! Get down from there at once! You know that's the sacred tree from which the townsfolk lynched your grandfather.Anastasia

Christ... Your father's been trying to rip-off " Shoe " again, isn't he? Doc Evil

Billy, how are you ever going to learn to be part of the paparazzi if you keep forgetting your camera? You won't have me to keep reminding you forever, you know...Dan Jones

And you just wait there young man until your Father, or Bil, comes home!Steve Bowden

"Get back in the house and finish watching Rush, you little treehugger!"Larry Hastings

Billy knew that he had nothing to fear. As long as Thel's thumb wasn't cocked back, she couldn't firejedi mind trip

I think that I shall never see / a thing as lovely as a tree / or a head as melonius / as that on thee -- from Poetry Circus by Thelma Louise KeaneVice Pope Doug

"And you'll stay there until you learn to play nice with the inflatable woman..."Lance Hall

NeanderThel, in her dwelling of stone, scoffed at Homo HaBilly's primitive shelter.Marty Gray

No no no...That's much too close to the ground. The best you could do jumping from there is break an arm. Why don't you try jumping the gorge down in the park?The Simian

Once Billy had exhausted the use of Thel's dead body, he mounted her head outside near his favorite tree. From its firm branches, he fancied himself a kind of "King of the Circus", where those who oppsed his might were subject to his undying wrath.....until six o'clock, of course, when it was time for dinner.Toothpick Vic Vega

When I asked you to get some eggs, I meant "Go to the store," you retarded little moron!Orion the Hunter

Overcome with grief at Barfy's horrible weed-eater related demise, Dolly and Billy, with the help of a training guide and some quality acid, taught Thel to successfully point.Vice Pope Doug

"Would you, could you, in a tree?/ Pull this finger, just for me?" "I would not, could not, in a tree./ Or at a dance, or spelling bee./ I'd do it not, in spring or fall,/ I will not do it, not at all."‹Dr. Seuss, the hack yearsThe 4-Star Pope

"Billy Keane, get back in this house! You know it's Gramma's enema night and we need all the help we can get holding her down!"TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!

From atop the noble Treant, Billy Baggins stares in horror as Thelraun the Black leans out from her tower, the One Ring decorating her finger...Jeraven

Listen to ME young man, what your father and I do in our bedroom with the dogs and a roll of duct tape is none of your GODDAMN business. Now get down!anon

Dennis the Menace was never quite the same after Mr. Wilson's sex change.The Boy

Now we can't afford pizza tonight, because this comic took six times our daily ink quota. And it's all your fault for climbing that tree. Why couldn't you stay in the Furnitureless Room?Heath

A scene from the latest Larry Niven novel "Into Thel's Trees."DieBilDie

"And on the ninth day, God, dressed as a lowly housewife, closed the circle. He/She also took a side from His/Her son, Billy Christ, and created Dennis. He/She then looked around at the complete universe, saw that it was good, and it was." - From the Dysfunctional News Version of the Holy Bible.Daniel Lanker

I have more talent in MY LITTLE FINGER than Olive Oil could EVER hope for, you condescending little prick...Trevita

OK, you can act out your "Grassy Knoll" theory one more time, but then its dinner time.Jon Alt

If you don't stop dry humping that tree, you're going to get another Draino enema!Scha-Scha-Schmucky

Shut up! I'd kill to be able to "let down my hair"! But the split ends! Those damn split ends!Blue Gargantua

"...when dad was desperate for laughs, he'd simply have me do a "Crotch Crush". It never failed to amuse one and all, but the endless hours of agony and the blood in my urine was the hidden price for their merriment." --Billy Keane, The Comic God ForgotBlue Gargantua

Young man, I knew Tarzan. I dated Tarzan. I ate nits off Tarzan. Young man, you are no Tarzan!Bill

Billy made his debut in Keane's failed Biblical strip, "The Family Serpent."Charlie Steinhice

Being a bird had been fun, Billy thought. What would Thel's magic finger turn him into now?anon

I told you to beat it! You've been replaced by a funnier child.Bubba

"...Young man, you get that tree out of your butt right this instant!!!" From How To Design Really Bad DFC Captions Without Really Trying!OM

Day 32 of Billy's treetop vigil: Thel tries to trick him into joining her Macarena and falling out of the tree.Wet Wookiee

Billy! You come -- I mean, get off -- dammit, I mean, leave that Difficult Zone right now!Steevie

Billy only stared in amazement as his mother embarrassed him again. "Dear God, does she like 'pull my finger' captions?"Dragoon

Billy was less curious about Thel's Tirade-Of-The-Moment than he was about the Mandelbrot set growing beneath the window...ewhac

Billy watched in stunned horror as the film emulsion burned into the frame, consuming his mother.ewhac

And when I get back, I wanna see GREEN on all those leaves, ya hear me?frick

I don't care if it IS the perfect knothole -- I'm not spending an hour pulling splinters out of you again!Luna

"Why, (blush, giggle) I DID hear someone outside my window! And me here all alone... in just a skimpy nightie..."Luna

It was easy to find you. I just had your father erase a few branches.Anastasia

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