DFC #223

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Let me get this straight. You cut comics out of the Swinger's Weekly, then write wholesome captions for them. That's weird.His Imperial Majesty

Since when did Dr. Kevorkian give out coupons?Tazabby

It's a "Get out of the Difficult Zone" card! Ain't that somethin'?Mr. Ben

Screw coupons! Daddy's starting "Genital Mutilation Poker"!Mighty Owl

Okay, they printed Dad's manifesto, but was it absolutely necessary to run coupons for Taco Bell alongside it? Damned liberal media whores...Felix Hunger

Make-believe food stamps make playing "House" so much more realistic!Marty Gray

..as Thel held the neatly snipped panel in her hand, her mind wandered off to a more simple time when she was a curious, young Lass nervously exchanging glances with the lithsome young cartoonist. After that weekend of unbridled lust, she rued the day she ever let the one person go that really made her feel like a woman. Then, startled by her the shrill yapping of her two yard monkeys, she sighed and smiled as she put another "Cathy" comic strip in her scrapbook. excerpt from "Thel Keane: Tortured Soulzazu

So, mom...you're ordering the elmo-shaped french tickler. Does that mean I can have your manhandler? Jeffy broke mine using it on the dog.Shmegma the Intolerant

At first Dolly did not know where the strange odor was coming from. It was not until she saw the worm coming out of Jeffy's head that she realized his melon had gone rotton.El Chupacabras

Hey, look. I think that's the most explicit crotch shot Bil's ever sneaked past the syndicate.Horselover Fat

Nobody used to read the church bulletin before they put the swinger ads in.Horselover Fat

"Relaxed, unhurried message by buxom dominatrix...Traci and Tammy, kinky twins for the discriminating gentleman...There's my ad, Mommy! Darling Dolly, spank the naughty schoolgirl!"-Jester

Thel hated to do it but it was the only way to avoid the severe beatings Bil would inflict on the children so she continued the tireless job of cutting out the good cartoons.Schmuck

Thel wanted to cut out "Cathy" but she couldn't... it was a union thing.Quivering Mound of Venus

The clipping reads, "Make money fast - boring, two dimensional characters from the Fifties need not apply"Projectile Ejaculation

As Dolly's babbling continued to drone on, Thel stared deep into the eyes of Mr. Clean and longed once more to feel his strong, clean, pine-scented arms wrapped around her...Blue Gargantua

"It's a trick, you bonehead! She clips the coupons for Tater Tots, Tombstone Pizza, and Eggo waffles, but we're still gonna get gruel and water two times a day. I can't believe that you're still falling for that one, you silly little shit.the hunter

Don't sweat it Jeffy -- Mommy's been at this fake passport game a long time! You'll be in first grade in A'stralia before the feds even know you've left your room!Vice Pope Doug

Thel carefully made it appear that she was off to the grocery store as she did twice each week --- while her thighs quivered as she anticipated her sweaty, clandestine love tryst with Ellie Patterson.Vice Pope Doug

I knew that we were hard up for product placements this month, but did Bil really have to put all of them in one strip? Even Charles Schultz has his limits.bobo

Hummels, snowbabys ..and now Keane family Kollektibles! The Franklin Mint RULES!! anon

Look! A coupon for "Not Me Cereal." Little marshmallow ghosts mixed with a pound of raw corn, pistachio shells and croutons! Mommy, Pleeeeeeeaaaase!!!!Trevita

"It's an old WWII ration book. On rainy nights Gran'ma likes to tear one coupon into tiny strips while she weeps about the superior race not winning"jedi mind trip

Mummy cuts out the articles 'bout daddy so he doesn't suspect that the police are on to him 'till it's too late.BretttMaverick


Well, we're a cartoon family, right? So why not eat cartoon food?Riff

Want Ads! WANT ADS, OF COURSE! It says right here: "Industrial Vice- Hardly Used"! Hot damn, our new address is gonna be Normal Sized Head Avenue in no time!Toothpick Vic

C'mon, Jeffy, get a clue. When the first two coupons Mom clips are for Thunderbird and Nyquil, "what's for dinner tonight" is a meaningless question.Stefan Jones

100 ct. Deluxe Overnights with wings . . . MegaStrength Midol . . . and a bottle of tequila. Shoot, Jeffy, I think it's gonna be one of Mom's "delicate" weeks.Hideo Spanner

"Hmm", Thel thought to herself, "sale at the kennel." The Keanes would eat well tonight.Skywise

"Every time the police put daddy's driver's license in the paper under Sex Offenders, mommy always cuts it out and saves it in her scrapbook."hippie (alt.fan.spinnwebe isn't propagating, is it?)

Don't you think that an Alcohol Rehab program that gives out coupons just might not have the kind of help that daddy needs?JohnBoy

"Hmmm ... 'Do you like piņa coladas, and getting caught in the rain..' oooh, I think you should answer that one, Mommy."Namgubed the Merry Elf

"With a fake-id, two bucks, and good bargain-hunting skills on our side, I'll bet there's a twelve-pack at SavMor with our name on it!"Moorlock

They're guides to cut by. But I bet Dad thinks Little Billy walked in perfect rectangles around the page.Charlie Steinhice

Lessee..."GWM, stuck in horrid marriage with 4 ungrateful kids, seeks sane partner.." Remind you of anyone, Thel?Paul "Pablo" Reed

A coupon for a FREE ponytail loosening? Dear God, Thel, lemme have it, pleaase?Doc Evil

"Get your fingers out of there! She'll take 'em right off when she's in the zone like this." DieBilDie

You see, according to McCloud, the reason for detailed, realistically rendered backgrounds and simply drawn people is in order to heighten the reader's identification with the comic-strip character. Of course, nobody's going to identify with melon-headed white trash, but at least Dad's got the basic idea down pat.S.

"Mom's dirty secret? She saves and whacks off to 'Hatlo's They'll Do It Every Time'."thanx and a tip of the hat to...

Since when did looking for douche coupons become "family time"?Pensive

"Coupon cutting is an excellent way to lower food costs. With the free coupons in the daily newspaper, and a little water, you can make a tasty, high-fiber mush that satisfies even the hungriest family" - From "Lunchtime in the Difficult Zone:A DFC Cookbook" by Thel Keane, Dept.Of Correction Press, 1997BretttMaverick

50% off birth control pills.... Buy 1 get 1 free offers on Trojans.... Man, this 'Sperm-Burping Gutter Slut' catalog has EVERYTHING!Magus

Every morning she cuts out "Jumble" and pastes our strip in its place so he won't know he's been dropped.Heath

Jesus, Mom, 50 cents off SPAM? I wish you'd go back to turning tricks for the butcher!Schickelgruber

Thanks to the Tribune's switching over to soy-based inks. Thel felt less guilty about serving the kids pictures of actual food.Rotter

See?! Mom was one of the Tropicana girls! Geez, they still run that?Noover

"Somehow, I don't see anything funny about this. Dad drinks it all away and then rubs it in our face in it by drawing mom in this humiliating situation. Let's go pour some bleach in his vodka."phonsux

Here's one, Mommy: "Mistress Rhonda - Bondage, foot worship, latex and domination." Oh wait, it says, "No Keene's, please".Westur the Unspeakable

A coupon for rat poison? I didn't even know we had rats!Orion the Hunter

A coupon for macaroni and cheese? Let me guess... You didn't have much luck down at the docks last night, did you?Orion the Hunter

Rush says that cutting coupons is one step away from food stamps. Rush says a real mother would never skim on her family. Rush says......Bubba

"Shh. Mom thinks she's been saving Bil's comic for the last five years. It would break her heart to know she's been collecting Drano coupons."Shifter

She's "shopping." When Bil scans these, we can have a couple more panels with furniture.Owell

If you'd been changing PJ's diapers for forty years, you'd clip a coupon for a do-it-yourself colostomy kit too.Anastasia

Ooh! Half price for decency and self respect. No, I'm just joking. Sorry to get your hopes up like that, Jeffy.nonentity

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