DFC #225

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

I told my Hitler Youth Commandant about that little comment you made last night when you thought I was asleep. I guess 6 months of hard labor will make you think twice before calling our Fuehrer a "one-balled wonder" again. - translated from "Das FamilienZirk", 1938.Schickelgruber

...bring out your dead!R.J.M.

The bicycle seat fell off again...I'll assume the position, and you get the Tucks medicated pads.R.J.M.

I'm heading to the bathroom...you bring the prune juice, Ex-lax, and LOTS of comic books...I'll be in there for a while!R.J.M.

It was cavity search day at school today. Could you help me pull this glove out of my ass?Schmuck

"Tush! Never tell me; I take it much unkindly/That thou, Iago, who hast my purse/As if the strings were..." Eh? Oh, nothing...daydreaming about getting some real lines again, I guess...RODERIGO, a Venetian gentleman.

Coming home to this sterile, colorless cubicle every day just makes me want to cry--and though I appreciate the thought, those pants just aren't enough.marty gray

Thanks a lot mom. That "rhythm method" works just great.Gruber

With catlike malice, Thel closed the door behind Billy. He made a few grunts as she placed the knife into his back, but other than that, all was silent. Somewhere, a dog barked.Magus

"... and now if my lovely assistant will cover me with the drape, I will attempt to escape from this backpack in less than 30 seconds!"Namgubed the Merry Elf

Don't ask me how my day was, don't ask about homework, my grades are for shit, my life is in the toilet, I'm about half a step away from being a full blown alcoholic, and i wish i was dead. By the way, you look hot in those test pattern pants.jojothedawgfacedboy

Forget the phony laundry bit, Thel. I just saw you sneak out of the Bumsteads' bedroom window. All I want to know is was it Dagwood...or Blondie?Tazabby

Man! That's the last time I take a human head to show-n-tell!Polaris

OK, everybody was right, the jet-pack didn't work. I'll be upstairs giving my calves a skin-graft.hunkydory

...Naw, I didn't go to my skydiving lesson today. I went to check my parachute before I got on the plane and all I found was my laundy and a note that said 'See you in Hell Melon-Boy'. You didn't see where my 'chute went to ..did..you?bobo

"I just spent the day listening to Green Day's lead singer telling us how he's a true punk. I swear I can hear Sid Vicious slamdancing in his crematory urn from here."Paul T. Riddell

"Yeah, I'm back, clean and sober again. I tell ya -- I bet I've been in and out of Betty Ford more times than Gerald!"Generik

Oh, nothing, I just lived out another miserable seven and a half hours of the horrible parody of life that is my existence in this mortal coil, which will be followed after a three-hour break by having a god-awful dinner and getting a vodka-induced "lecture" from your abusive husband. So, how was your day?Crisis

Not that it's any of my business, but how come you don't wash the sheets every day when Dad's IN town?Gen. Sedgwick

Uh-oh, looks like Bil's into his barnyard fetish again. Well, better you in the split-crotch chicken wire pants than me with the sheepskin thrown over my back!Schickelgruber

"3 ... 2 ... 1 ... WHY IS THERE NOT A BEER IN MY HAND?"Namgubed the Merry Elf

There was an amber flash from the countertop, and Billy was quickly down, his throat savagely torn out. Thel learned not to let her guard down against the dread Mrs. Butterworth.TW

Yes, you pay me well. Yes, I remember the time you very generously let me keep a kilo. But stealing Beanie Babies from seven year olds? I just feel dirty.Mighty Owl

Mother fuckin bitches, gonna get me some snatch. Mother fuckin whitey tryin to do me up the ass. Hey Mom! I learned how to gangsta rap today!nonentity

"Hold all my calls, Ms Keane, I'll be busy in my office having a 'conference' with this month's issue of Swank."tv's Spatch

Thel froze the clever smile on her face. She would just close the door, Billy would stop talking, start screaming, and join PJ and Dolly in the wood chipper behind her, school books shredded into a bizarre confetti of useless knowledge. A good day.jedi mind trip

Learned the hard way that 'gay' does not mean happy. And how the fuck was your day?anon

"Oh, joy . . . more colostomy bag jokes, with me holding my butt, and you standing there with an enormous spill cloth . . . How's that beer ad go? It just doesn't get any better than this?"phonsux

::sigh:: I wish MY fangs would grow and MY shadow go away. I hunger for the taste of blood.Dr. Zam

Some sick fuck with a burro was taking a piss on your geraniums, so I gored him with garden weasel.Mighty Owl

"Fly Threads Mamma Jamma!"almost cool

Thanks, Mom. Look, we really need Bil to make me a bit taller or put the door handle lower -- or at least put in a doggie door! You know Jeffrey's been asking about it too.Blue Gargantua

Hi, Mom. Those Difficult Zone pants look terrible on you.Blue Gargantua

Gee, white sheets. Damn is the family boring or what?Schmuck

Sheesh, I'm whipped. Do me up a serious line, Mommy!Vice Pope Doug

Those guys down at the leather bar asked if I was into backpacking -- an' I said yes --- an' you wouldn't b'lieve what happened next!Vice Pope Doug

By the time Billy noticed the return of the dreaded checkered clothing, Thel had already locked and bolted the door. "Welcome back to hell, little man".Westurn the Unspeakable

I missed the bus, left my homeowrk upstairs, the school bully stole my lunch money, a teacher caught me looking up her skirt, the principal found out about me, his wife, and the cocaine ring in the shop room, and I haven't had a cigarette all day. But the real bitch of the bunch, Thel? You're wearing those fucking loose-ass fishnet stockings I told you to throw away weeks ago. Consider yourself one fucked bitch.Toothpick vic

I showed a video tape from Dad and Uncle Roy's stash for "Show and Tell" today...you wouldn't believe all the screaming!Mr. Ben

Oh, lemme' tell ya- MY day was fuckin' peachy. That mongoloid you call a husband fucked up my homework again. You know, Thel, If we ever want to run away together, I'm gonna' need a job. To get a job, I need a diploma. AND I'M NEVER GONNA GRADUATE IF THAT FUCKSTICK KEEPS MAKIN' SPELLING ERRORS ON MY BOOK REPORTS!! Christ...go put on the blue tetty and bring me a beer.Toothpick vic

"Great. The dulcet scent of Tide and urine in the sheets. Gran'ma must be visiting again."Clay Colwell

Thel lets Billy in, and Billy's rubbing his ass... I'm beginning to think Spinnwebe is drawing these things just to make it easy...BretttMaverick

Holy cow, Thel! You're knocked up again!? Somebody needs to get Dad some frickin' skin mags.Marlboro

I...just can't...beleive it. My ex-boyfriend...Andrew...just shot himself in the head in Miami. He was going to come and..."sniff" see me in a few days about...sometheing he wanted to give me.Huggy Bear - #1 in the FBI's most unwanted list.

I tried to tell you that you have to wash "not me" on delicate. Now we have 12 lbs. of dead fictional character to ditch.sigar

I'm not speaking to Dolly ever again. I'm getting tired of her stealing my girlfriends. First Peppermint Patty now Lucy van Pelt.Joe Breeden

Oh by the way, someone got Jeffy and drove off with him, lucky bastard. How was your day?Joe Breeden

Hi Mom! Nothing unusual in my backpack today. Nope, nothing to see - no need to look.Ratman

Had a detention. Turns out my teacher knows Bil from the weekly NAMBLA meetings.Ratman

"Damn my butthole is sore. I really don't like art school."DieBilDie

Thel opened the pen door, releasing Billy into the arena. "Toro, Senor Melon," she thought as her left hand squeezed the hilt of the sword hidden beneath her cape.Podbeing

Geez louise... Just what does the lunchroom put in their chimichangas?Doc Evil

What did I learn? Today I fucking learned to fucking remember the fucking rubber duckie so I won't be fucking mortified at fucking Show and Tell.ChoppingBlock

Martini twist, on the rocks, and keep the 'ludes coming.The Boy

I am SO not looking at those hypno-pants.Skywise

Welllll... Here's somethin' you don't see everyday, Thel... A whole panel without Jeffy!Doc Evil

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