DFC #227

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Well, what have I got left, you ask? My perspective. Strike two, Bil." From "The Dysfunctional Family Watchman:Rorschach In Jail"croonch croonch

I could care less whether you get the blockage out -- I put some metallic sodium in an emptied-out gelcap and flushed it down that toilet 5 minutes ago. So, you see, it's coming out whether you like it or not.Pyro-phil (don't try this at home)

No, Bil, I think 'I like to skwish the poo poos with my toes' is a *fine* caption, might even get you another 'red star', but most of those DFC losers just type in their captions, rather than acting them out first...(I hope,,,)

"I know it's a bad time, but have you considered putting a condom dispenser by the door? You'd make a fortune in this location..."Paul T. Riddell

"So............ do I really have to grow up to be like you or what?"Bil's Drinkin' Buddy

We've had a tornado, a riot, and now a flood. I think the disaster theme has gone far enough, don't you?Peon

I don't like my seat here, it's too hard... Got any stool softener?Doc Evil

"Oh wait, nevermind. It's in my pocket."Heath

"The dream was always the same: The toilet as a porcelain butter churn, Daddy the fetching Milk Maid, and I the lonely farm hand." - excerpt from "Keane There, Done That" by Jeffery Keanewombat

I trust you, Daddy. Not like Billy, Dolly and Mommy. They're downstairs building an ark.Anastasia

Sorry to distract you from your latest assignment Mr. Fixit, but should I go tell Mom to cancel the rest of the 'Time-Life Do it yourself' series?bobo

Just curious...is there a reason that the toilet is the best drawn object in the entire house?Jim Smith

"I was going make some toilet joke that would have sent me to the red zone for sure, but then I noticed your hair looks like a smurf hat. Look Mister "Cartoonist," I've got two words for you--re-fucking-tire." -Jester

I know, I know...you're gonna blame the blockage on all the rejected captions!Mr. Ben (597?!!)

I'm getting tired of this little "Huck Finn" fantasy of yours. Unless you want to hand me the "barge pole" and let me be "Jim" for a little while, that is.Schickelgruber

I know! No more golf in the bathroom! Sheesh, a guy tries to have some fun sometimes....Mr. Ben

"Dad, I know this isn't the best time for a question, but who would win this fight; a rottweiler, or a rottweiler's weight in chihuahuas. Now keep in mind that the rottweiler is smothered in taco sauce....."jedi mind trip

Well, it was almost dead. Can I get a puppy now?Vice Pope Doug

Congratulations, Dad. I think you've created a 100% Difficult Zone panel.Owell

Where's your God now Mr. Cartoon Evangelist? Blue Gargantua

Human excrement? You're soaking in it!Blue Gargantua

Bil's first attempt at sculpture, "Porcelain Rapture", meets a tragic end.jedi mind trip

I'm telling you, there isn't any down there! It wasn't this toilet, and it was a fantasy sequence anyway! Sheesh, we never shoulda let you watch Trainspotting.Joe Klein

See your problem is that the plunger is too small and stiff to get a good seal. What you need is something more puffy and bulbous, with a good textured surface for gripping and... Hey, what are you looking at me like that for?Norm DePlume

....and I hope you do beat whoever is responsible for this into next Tuesday! And, uh, if you find a kiddie golf club down there that says "Jeffy", it's, uh, Billy's.Ultra-Girl

"It was the right decision. That fern was getting too damned uppity."DieBilDie

"You should have seen it -- my 3-wood fairway approach shot goes right in the hole! It was a double eagle!"Namgubed the Happy Gilmore

I take it Cleo's arrival in goldfish heaven has been delayed.Gen. Sedgwick

Why worry about it? It's not as if we were atomtomicly correct or anything.Bubba

"I don't know what came over me. It's just that Raffi make me go out of MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!"sINad

Hey buddy, I've been doing the high cuffs for years, get yer own schtick.Dogbowl

Man, if there's anything worse than the toilet backing up, it's the toilet backing up during mom's "heavy flow" period.nonentity

"I'm sorry! I panicked. I coulda swore that I heard 'em say, ATF!, not 'hey, Jeff!'"phonsux

"Maybe this will teach you: the Keane intestinal tract and 'Taco Night' don't mix."Shifter

One word, Dad. Roughage.S.

If you find any body parts, I didn't do it.Bubba

"Listen, pop... You and I both know that this is gonna be the most copro-centric red zone ever. I say we knock this one off right now and make another joke about our inability to pronounce "spaghetti." 'Kay?Nobody at all

"If we can't get PJ out by suppertime, can I have his Jello?"mutantdog

Hey, look on the bright side! That "Born Loser" hack could never draw a toilet that good!Mighty Owl

Instant Difficult Zone - Just add water!anon

"Look, if I hadn't flushed the two kilos we'd be in the slammer right now and a big guy named Bubba would be doing to you what you're doing to the damn toilet."shred

"Dad, do you think that just be putting a toilet plunger, a mysterious puddle, your bare ankles, both our plump asses, furniture, shading, reflections, "No-Eyeball" glasses (TM), my hypno-hair, and a stool next to the toilet (like THAT's not an obvious pun!!) all in this circle at once, you can keep people from noticing your cheap toupee? Dream on!Steevie

I believe your quote was "Fuck the Sewer Bill, what are they gonna do, shut it off?"Radio Show

So does this mean PJ's gone for good?Ratman

What the fuck did you expect me to do? I've got 3 keys of fine Peruvian flake, and I see the goddamn cops coming. You shoulda told me you an' Uncle Roy were playin' "Dress Up"BretttMaverick

I've never seen the real plumber do that. Although, now that I think about it, I've never seen the real plumber in the bathroom, either.BretttMaverick

The Bil Kean Weight Loss Plan: After eating large meal, look at son. Vomit. Rinse and repeat.Stiles

"If you knew what was in there, you would not be barefoot."Namgubed the Merry Elf

What's going on here, first violence and Keene household, now a toliot shot? Is Bil doing the story boards for Married with Children?Joe Breeden

Bill demonstrates fire walking's poor relation - ritual sewage walking - to a rapt Jeffy.not elsie

Because they were all sick of wearing your dammed checkered clothes, that's why!Westur the Unspeakable

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