DFC #234

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Oh my gosh! The killer was eating cookies at the murder scene. Billy only eats Fig Newtons! We have to call the governor before it's too late!bobo

'Cause IIIII ain't got no boooody! Nobody...cares for me...c'mon, sing alonganon

o-o-o-O-O-O-O-OOAAK!!! Lahoma ....Boston's Moon

Jeffy reaches for his Uzi hidden under the covers, intent on blasting the assassin bursting through the door, completely missing the malevolent 'Death Weeble' perched on the bedpost...Hasbro Khashoggi

How can any of you sleep when for just 75 cents a day, you can make sure Sally Struthers is never without a sandwich in her fat little hands?Sandwichless in Somalia

Oh God, Mommy... I had this awful dream that wirehead college geeks with no lives were making comments on our day-to-day activities. The comments usually involved substance abuse, untold sexual perversions,Soylent Green, miscellaneous scatological gags...Doc Evil

Yeah, it's great that I'm now in every cartoon, but something still has to be done about the name. My agent suggested Jeffy's Family Circus, but to be honest, I'm not willing to settle for anything less than Jeffy's World. Noodle Muffin

And if I die before I wake, I always knew THEL'S TITS WERE FAKE!Siddhartha

It was only when he woke up next to Barfy's bloody decapitated head that he realized he should have taken Billy more seriously.anon

Jeffy had to get up. The plant needed to feed. He knew the fame and all the solo panels in the world weren't worth this.alanon

Y'know, this bedspread would make a cool jacket for, say, Billy.Capt. Ion

While Keane intended his series of panels with Reagan quotes as a tribute, he dropped the project after most people assumed "Where's the rest of me?" was an Alzheimer's reference.Gen. Sedgwick

The better to smell the left side of the room with, my dear...Trevita

Hemp sheets? Hey, Mom! Is Woody Harrelson coming for another three-day weekend?Dogbowl

"...an' the next time you try an' keep me out of a panel, my agent will REALLY have your ass!" Podbeing

Jeffy woke in a cold sweat. What a stange and fearful dream! But at least he still had his precious second- GOOD LORD! Dolly had his other nostril! Jeffy knew he should never have let down his guard.anon

Well, Mommy, if you don't want your knees and elbows to get chafed, why don't you just get me some regular sheets instead of these burlap ones.Schickelgruber

Where... where am I? I remember the rain... the onrushing head lights... I can't feel my legs! WHY CAN"T I FEEL MY LEGS?!?Joe Klein


Ugh...bring me another Tylenol. All that standing on my head must've made my head swell like a mel...umm...forget it.Danische Gestalt

Whoa, what a dream! I dreamed I was in a run-down house with a slutty mom, a drunk dad, a sluttier sister, a psychotic brother, and...a little one-year-old fuckhe--...uh, one-year...old...NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!Crisis

Mommy, do you have a couple more burlap sacks? It's still cold in here, wish you would have paid the gas bill instead of blowing it on that Washington D.C. vacation.anon

Jeffy strared in awe at the tractor trailer which had smashed through his window and driven out the front door. At first he wondered if it was just the acid, but the next morning, the tire track across his comforter was still there...Grmbrand Johnson

Dolly that dance is just not doing if for me. I'm as limp as Uncle Roy's wrist.Schmuck

Uh oh! It's worse than a visit from Bil and Uncle Roy! It's captions about a visit from Bil and Uncle Roy, coming my way!Ratman

Oh, thank God! The Dolly-centric panel was just a dream!Tortelvis Grenkle

Fire up the plane! I wanna go to Denver for a Fried Peanut Butter 'n' 'Nana Sannich!Tortelvis Grenkle

The Franklin Mint introduces its latest figurine to its popular DFC line. This charming piece, entitled "Jeffy Gets Lockjaw", will be a treasured family heirloom for generations to come, and is yours for only 15 monthly installments of $39.95 each.tv's Spatch

Jeffy awakes just in time to see Snoopy running off with his lips in his mouth.Anonywuss

"That's it? You can't even tell me about the third fucking little pig before you run off to get plastered?"L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

Jeffy just can't sleep wondering where that last Easter egg was hidden.R.J.M.

As 'I Got You Babe' plays out of the clock radio, Jeffy realizes that something very familiar is going on.R.J.M.

No Really! Michael Jackson was outside my window looking at me while licking a melon baller!Cruel Grey Rake

"Okay, Dad, I think I've been punished enough! My hands can't be seen, so the bed wetting, pecker pulling and rubber sheet jokes are gonna fly like winged monkeys in Oz. I hid your fifth in the toilet tank."phonsux

"Hey, where's the babe that's supposed to be in this bedroom scene? At least a body double for Ellie Patterson or Edda Burber? How about one of their moms? Hellooo?"phonsux

Before you strap on the muzzle, could you turn on the Tinkerbell night light? It gives me such a naive sense of security...Mighty Owl

Sleep tight? That's not exactly a reassuring thing to say to a little boy with sleep apnea.Mighty Owl

I dunno.. I don't think I need a free trial sleep to know that I probably won't like the Sealy Shards n' Gravel Posturmatic. Mighty Owl

"Thel, come get this damned tribble off my shoulder."Rich Lather

But Jeffy was gone, and the mail order blow-up Jeffy doll just wasn't the same.Larry Hastings

Hey! Who installed the 2000 watt night-light?Anastasia

Five buckets of chum, a cleverly carved boiled eggplant, a hollowed watermelon shell and a tape of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Those were the ingredients of the prank that threw Jeffy into a catatonic fugue state that would last ten years. It was hard work, and we sure caught hell for it, but the look on his face when we snapped on the light was worth it.Stefan Jones

Little Jeffy Lovecraft loved the stars: he only feared the unholy denizens that traveled the interstellar wastes until the time was right to take back Earth,their rightful property...Paul T. Riddell

"I know it's late, but if Orange Julius is offering a peanut-butter-and-banana drink to comemorate Elvis' death, should we worry when it's time to celebrate the deaths of G.G. Allin and Divine?"Paul T. Riddell

I could really go fo r a "Little Nemo in Slumberland" caption about now, but I think I'll just stick with the time-tested favorites. "What's he doing with his hands ?"anon

And you may find yourself, living in a shotgun shack...And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house...And you may ask yourself, my God, how did I get here?Lee Harvey

"Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with my sheets soaking wet and a freight train running through the middle of my head..." This early photo shows a young Bruce Springstein hard at work writing songs.Coalcracker

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