DFC #238

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Judging by those screams, either the gas wore off prematurely, or Dr. Cuthbertson is acting out his gay, pedophillic fantasies on Billy again.Magus

...so then he says, "rectum? Damn near killed him!" Aw, man, you would think the right place to tell that joke would be in a doctor's office! Don Spudleone

So I think nail fungus ads are hillarious! Excuuuuuuuse me for living!Doc Evil

Cuthbertson -- Cthuthu, Is there a connection?living a lie

Jeffy and I have $5 to kick in to get daddy's nuts cut off.Schmuck

... at the beach, Gallant says, "no swimming until an hour after eating," while Goofus says, "no eating until an hour after watching fat people play volleyball."Namgubed the Merry Elf

Maybe we could get Dad's medication set where he keeps drawing furniture.Peon

"Wow... check out the centerfold in this month's Autopsy magazine!"Dr. Dude

"Yeah? Well, maybe if you racked him once in a while, we could have stopped at Billy and me."Heath

Mom, are you sure it's not a little too late to abort P.J.?Noodle Muffin

So if the little wooden guys ARE naked...why don't they get Goofus to steal some of Gallant's clothes for 'em?Jenn Dolari

Mom, don't you think Jeffy is a bit young for a vasectomy?Vinster

I hate comming to the sperm bank! Why can't Daddy just look at pornography like everybody else?anon

"This reminds me of home...nothing to read but Jet and Ebony..."juan valdez

"Hey! According to this, girls don't even have prostates! Why the fuck did I have to go first?"Tillman

Hope our HMO covers dentistry. Last time the doc used a specula on me, he ended up cleaning my teeth. It sucks being so short.Schmuck

So why do I have to kneel here with a look of bemusement and oblivious awe when I've already spent six years in med school? I SWEAR I'll kill Bil and his cutesy fifties child stereotypes!Mississippi the Unmitigatable

Don't give me that, it's not like you never did anything stupid when you were a kid. Besides, how was I supposed to know getting my nipples pierced would cause such a big infection?Anastasia

The fact that this magazine has yellowed and aged over the thirty years since its creation just rubs in the fact that I obviously haven't.Ultra-Girl

Can you believe how far Lucy's gone since the first day she opened up her psychiatric booth a few years ago? Look at this place!Mr. Ben

Billy fell off Jeffy's wagon back in #133, and now you're taking him in to the doctor's office?Mr. Ben

"If that caption stealin' bitch doesn't shut the hell up, she'll be the next one with 17 stab wounds", thought Jeffy.Bil's Drinkin' Buddy (disguised as Jeffy's agent)

I don't understand these guy things -- just how serious IS a tripped nut sack?Gen. Sedgwick

I know we need the money, but wouldn't the old pedophiles prefer me without breast augmentation surgery?Orion the Hunter

I still don't see why I have to give up my liver. You're the one who's been buying him all that beer for the past 20 years.Westur the Unspeakable

Judging by the screams, I would guess Dr. Cuthbertson really is in. In Billy, that is.Hugh Jass

I still don't see why just because Billy skinned his knee, we all suddenly need enemas!Coalcracker

Look at the facts, Mom. Billy did one panel without Jeffy, and less than an hour later he's been accidently stabbed 17 times. I think someone in this family is starting to enjoy the spotlight just a little too much.Westur the Unspeakable

Don't you think it's just the slightest bit odd that Daddy has his prostate checked 3 times a week?Westur the Unspeakable

You can have Gallant...I'd do Goofus in a second. OK, next: Archie or Jughead?Rotter

No, Mommy, I disagree. I highly doubt Dr. Cuthbertson ever changes the sign. It's simply a device to show the average slap-ass reader out there that we are, in fact, in a doctor's office.Mighty Owl

I know you say I should trust my lifelong pediatrician, but I really want to ask him why a rather typical case of the chicken pox called for a lower leg amputation.Mighty Owl

I wanna be in advertising when I grow up. See, look at this ad. There's a strange allure about a job that makes genital herpes look like a leisurely spring afternoon.Mighty Owl

Shesh mom! Of course I know what a specula is! Don't you remeber how Billy got his eagle scouts survival badge?anon

Hey, if Dad's surgery goes over nine hours, can we get pancakes?Rotter

Cuthbertson? Awww... I thought you said we were taking Jeffy to see Dr. Kevorkian!Ratman

"Are you sure that Dr. Cuthbertson can cure Billy's Tirrets syndrome?" (in background) "whoaaaaa im trippin my nut sack into a frenzy of dik play!!! whoaaaaa im trippin my nut sack into a frenzy of dik play!!!anon

...I've been reading the brochures, Mommy, but they're not real clear on this: Does our Blue Cross/Blue Shield cover removing of PJ's teddy bear from his penis?OM

Jeffy sat there seething. Sure, he was in the panel, but without a speaking role. His agent would hear about this for sure.Podbeing

What do you mean I've got no legs...it's just a flesh wound!R.J.M.

While Dolly's innocent questions about catheters completely distracted Thel and PJ, The Plant snatched the opportunity to absorb Jeffy.Podbeing

Well, sure, I guess we can save a few bucks by going to Dr. Cuthbertson, but doesn't it bother you that his clinic's slogan is "As seen on 60 Minutes"?bobo

There . . . hear it? It's that same howl of pain we heard when the last hypnotherapist probed Billy's hidden memories.Stefan Jones

"While you're in there, could you have them put PJ back? He bugs the fuck outta me!"the Artist Formerly Known as the Prince of Darkness

Let's see, a not so subtle double-entdre about the Doctor being "In", me without legs, PJ fucking a teddy bear up the ass, you looking like Betty Crocker, Jeffy looking like his brain isn't getting enough oxygen, more stuff in the foreground and in the background than you can shake a stick at and furniture; why don't we declare this whole panel the "impossible zone" and go on!myke

If it turns out that P.J. ain't Dad's,do we still have to raise the little shit?Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

"OK, so Daddy's a woman trapped in a man's body: do we ALL have to see the fucking shrink?"Randall

I don't know about you, but I'm a little concerned about seeing a gynecologist that got his degree from "The Lucy Van Pelt Medical College".Big Dog

"So...when Billy comes out of surgery we have to call him...er,her..Sasha?"juan valdez

Do you think we could have the doctor surgically remove Jeffy from the next few strips????Big Dog

Dad's been running out of "explanations" for his Barbie-Doll-up-the-Bunghole fetish.Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

Give the fuse 10 minutes, then set PJ and Mr. C-4 Teddy on the couch and walk away calmly. Five minutes later every Godless abortionist in this clinic will be dead.phil

"Cuthbertson? Cuthbertson? What the hell kind of name is that? Whatever happened to surnames like Johnson, Anderson, and Smith?"agm

Mom, look! Goofus is giving Gallant a rimjob!Kevy

I can't believe you trust a doctor who stocks his waiting room with Hustler.FrAnKEANEsTeiN

So, Hep-Cat, how long is Daddy-O gonna be colon-diving with this hippie proctologist?Stealth

*Sigh*, sure methadone is ok, but it's just not the same as the real thing..anon

FINE! I give up!! Daddy can have my left kidney but I get to stay up to 11:00 for the next 4 weeks.anon

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