DFC #240

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Don't go in! In a minute, I'll close the door, and the nerve gas will be released. After it's been flushed out, we'll bronze their corpses and give them to Daddy for his birthday!Mighty Owl

Dolly Keane, after spending several years studying their habits and customs, returns to write her book "Lesbians in the Mist".Magus

"Quick, Jeffy! Go get the camera... in about five minutes, I'm gonna show you how to get a BIG-ASS raise in your 'llowance!"Reed Spacer

Generic DFC Caption #637: (Something intelligent-sounding here)... aww, fuck it. Pull my finger.The Outsider

Guest alert! Furniture ahead!Schmuck

Dolly-Vader and Jeffy-Wan fought a wicked dual in clear view of the captivated storm troopers. But one columbian coffee queef from Thel was all it took to evacuate the troops and commence the closure of the blast doors...Siddhartha

"Back off! You know how hard it is to get them to breed in captivity?"Paul T. Riddell

Jeffy was tired of playing charades, he couldn't figure out what "less beans" meant.R.J.M.

Shh, Mommy's trying to convert the Jehovah's Witness to Scientology.Anastasia

Seems Cuthbertson did her in-vitro too, and HER kids came out with melonheads. Class action, here we come!Gen. Sedgwick

You get the shaving cream, and I'll get the tin snips. We'll tame this unruly bikini line of mine yet!Shootin' for the Red Zone

Now remember what mom said... You work her button while I grease up.Oni no chuck

Well, they've already laughed and compared notes, they had a drink and had a smoke, and Mom just took off her overcoat.I kissed a tv's Spatch

Don't you remember? About seventeen years ago? Bil was away at the Cartoonists' Society convention for a whole week?Rotter

With Jeffy and Aunt Lili playing the X-Men and Avengers and Thel and Dolly playing the Justice League and Legion of Super-Heroes, the DFC re-enacts the Marvel vs. DC first-issue cover.Rotter

SShhhh. I bet Mom fifty bucks she couldn't get into the babysitter's pants in twenty minutes and Thel's just got to the part about PJ not eating enough and leaving her all engorged.Rastaman

"Shit, Billy," Jeffy sighed. "No-one's going to fall for it unless you shave those damn eyebrows."Dragoon

Ssssh! be vewwy vewwy qwiet! I'm hunting Wesbians. Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.Wiff, er, Riff

I set up a mirror in the living room. Now, not only does it seem that we have twice as much furniture, but Mommy has been entranced by her own reflection for hours!Riff

Wish me luck: I'm ging to wait until the Dyke jokes start flooding in, and try to escape disquised as a lava lamp.Bill

Now's not a good time to complain about your cuffs. Thel's in that "If-you-think-that-outfit's-ugly" mood that landed Billy a checked sportcoat.Joe Klein

Have you ever seen Mommy spray a houseguest?Trevita

Girls only, Jeffy! Your job is to look all around the house for spare batteries, an' go play outside after you give 'em to us!Vice Pope Doug

Once the lady from Child Protective Services sees this outfit, I'm outta here!Westur the Unspeakable

Tough luck, kid. By the time Mommy gets through seducing your agent, P.J. will get more dialogue than youWestur the Unspeakable

"You don't tell anyone in DFC that I'm wearing this get-up, and I'll be hush-hush about your little erectile dysfunction, capish?"Moorlock

"The social worker won't leave until she sees PJ's alive and well. How quick can you shave your head and get into some old pajamas?"Tillman

Daddy is passed out behind the couch. Five bucks says they don't notice till he pukes!Schmuck

Run around back and yell "Thel's a dyke." That ought to help break the ice.gamer

I know, I know, it's sad. But Thel's really lonely, and the Mary Kay lady really wants that pink Cadillac!Coalcracker

"Hey Jeffy, has anyone ever told you that your ass starts in the middle of your back?"almost cool

"That's the bitch that told me to get out of her yard last week! I'm gonna give her some serious melon-fu in about a New York minute... go get me my throwing stars, Jeffy!"Reed Spacer

Dolly used her black-belt skills to kill Jeffy several times a week. Bil just kept on drawing him.Dr. Dude

"You better leave them alone, unless you got the goods to pay off the overdue book fees!"Ingold Denker

"As you will see, neither one really takes the 'man's role'."Ingold Denker

Back to the DFC Archive index