DFC #242

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Jeffy had nothing to say, be it Billy or Dolly or one of Shultz's kids. Why should he? He's just too fucking cool.phonsux

Don't laugh, asswipe! The " Red Asterik Boutique " had a white sale today!Doc Evil

As Grandma Keane's ghost invaded Dolly's body, she felt a compelling urge to down a quart of prune juice and harp about the rising cost of Depends.Tazabby

I am wearing a push up bra!Tazabby

You know, it might be a cliche, but I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. --Dolly, speaking in haiku, Open Mike NightMagus

Great Moments In The Arts: A chance meeting between a young Mae West and a young Charles Bukowski. Mae to Charles: "Why donít ya come up and see me sometime?" Charles to Mae: "RETCH!!!" Shifter (With a shoutout to Camelio)

"Damn that Marylin Manson! He said I looked too natural!"DieBilDie

It's double entendre time at the DFC as Bil Keene proudly presents "The Gay 90's".bobo

This is "Great People in American History" week at school. I'm Abraham Lincoln's personal biatch, okay?Mr. Ben

Hey, somebody had to steal the thunder away from you, didn't they? I think I call more attention to myself here than you do in seventeen straight cartoons!Mr. Ben

"Well, someone has to go to England and be mother to those two boys, and I'll be damned if I let Camilla Parker-Bowles beat me to all that loot!"Heath

Dolly dressing up, or Billy coming out of the closet? You decide, on: The Difficult ZoneMagus

I don't care what PETA says, I want them to re-start testing makeup on animals so all those scientists will let me sleep.anon

"I don't give a flyin' fuck if you are family - you know the rule: no glove, no love!"Jacksinn

I'll have you know that Mr. Van Pelt prefers his mistresses to be dressed in a refined manner, you crass little bastard!Orion the Hunter

I'm the Mommy. You're the Daddy. Go get drunk so I can fuck somebody.Vice Pope Doug

Daddy's friend Roy's friend Gustav got sick an' screwed up their dance revue -- so guess who gets to learn how to "boogie-woogie my funky little ass" to Abba in th' next three fuckin' hours!Vice Pope Doug

I am NOT "deluding myself"! I AM gonna be the world's next Ivana Trump, and if you don't like it, you can keep your proletarian ass OUT of my tea party!!little daniel jones

You're really not trying, Jeffy dear. You don't look a thing like Jim Bakker.Oh my darling Clementine!

That's the last time I play with Bil and Uncle Roy. They hogged all the good makeup!TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!

"Janet Reno likes her bitches femme, okay?!"Dave Matthews

I'm done. Your turn in the bedroom from HELL!Schmuck

"Yeah, I lost to that bitch JonBenet again! I'm gonna fix her ass good, you watch!"Generik

"There's no way I can go through life as a lipstick lesbian. Gimme my flannel shirt."Hangdog

"If we're gonna play house, you have to dress in Daddy's clothes. I want you in the leather outfit with the chains."Doctor Radium

"Senator Helms loves me in this outfit, thank you very much!"Lee Harvey

No way! You can't be "Tall, athletic, professional who likes long walks on moonlit beaches"living a lie

"I said twenty bucks and that's final. Daddy said no family discounts."Podbeing

Oh, yeah? And how are you gonna pay YOUR way through college?Gen. Sedgwick

All I can figure is, Dad must get a commission for each Stupid Zone caption.Gen. Sedgwick

Somehow, I don't think this one needs our help.The Interrupting Cow

I am NOT calling you 'Sweet Daddy Williams' !Sweet Daddy Williams

Well, needless to say, I won't be getting invited back to any of Nancy's birthday parties. Little pincushion-headed whore.Marlboro

When it's your turn, be sure not to use your teeth. He's in a horrendous mood.Marlboro

Ok, I'll p'tend to be Courtney Love, and you p'tend to be Kurt Cobain. First I'll make your life miserable and feed off your fame and talent. Meanwhile, you're sinking into the depths of depression and misery. There's a shotgun in the hall closet. Let's play!Marlboro

Absolutely not!! Ladies don't unplug toilets.Noodle Muffin

As can be concluded from this panel, Bil's attempts at using Dolly to advertise makeup products did not go as well as planned.Ultra-Girl

This house is clean.7 Years in JoBeth

Anyone for a "pearl before swine" caption?Trevita

I will too grow into them!Bubba

The Dysfunctional Donald and Ivana Trump?Skywise

"Cuz Uncle Roy's PAYING me to, that's why!"Skywise

Billy's queer. Billy's crazy. Billy's a druggie. I'm sick of it. From now on, I'm only going to appear disguised as Dolly. Let her take all that DFC crap.sisyphus

The new outfit was a perfect disguise for the diminutive performer, but the Artist-formerly-known-as-Prince pendant gave it all away. a.holter

What? Not alternative enough?Anastasia

"Don't complain about plaid jackets, or you get a dress, a pony tail, and a spot on the corner. That's what I've fucking learned."phil

Jeffy didn't care that Billy hated to work the South Side gay bars. He just knew the shitbag owed him five large, and hemorrhoids weren't his problem.phil

Jeffy didn't know what was scarier: the fact that Billy was dressing like a woman and had used more make-up than Tammy Fay Baker on his face, or the fact that he was finding his brother very, very attractive.-Jester

Don't ask. But it's your turn, and Uncle Roy's got a little clown suit just your size!Coalcracker

"I'm honoring the sacred memory of my idol, Jon-Benet, asshole. If your ever call me Tammy Fay again you're a dead man."Stuffy

Jeffy thought in retrospect his use of the phrase, "painted whore", although accurate was probably ill-advised considering the size of the purse relative to his head.Cluster Fuck

"Thanks to you I'm out $300. He wanted me to be Mariah Carey, not Mimi on "Drew Carey." Stuffy

For the last fucking time, its a marriage of convenience. Jose gets his green card, and I get the villa in Cancun. So will you be our God-damned best man or not?bobo

I have no idea how the pony tail came through the back of the hat.living a lie

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