DFC #252

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Maybe ten minutes of the ol' weepy neglected act in the counselor's office, show 'em these and sob, and now Thel's got thirty days of caged heat. Party's at our place, dude."Randall

Seinfeld trivia #221: Newman made a very brief appearance in "Family Circus" back in the 60'sK e v y

"Bil's goin' for some really deep symbolism, here. Look closely! The left hand is the gauche one, the dark one, individualized members without restraint resulting in chaos and anarchy. The right: unity, conformity, confinement, and, of course, it's white. His intellect isn't any deeper than the family gene pool."phonsux

"Hey, I may be to drunk to put on a matching pair of gloves, but at least I don't have a bottle-opener of an overbite."phonsux

"SSHHH! Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting for mewonheads. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!"Magus

"The anti-semetic taunting became unbearable...even a simple snowball fight became yet another opportunity for those Keane kids to make inappropriate circumcision jokes." --From Oy Vey: Growing Up Next to The Gentile Family Circus by Harvey RubensteinCoalcracker

I stared. Billy continued chattering, not yet noticing that his mitten had slipped off and revealed a black hand. As I squinted harder, painfully driving my frames into my cheeks, I could barely discern the pancake makeup coating Billy's face. Suddenly, it all became clear: the hand, the makeup, and why the soccer team had nicknamed him "Horse." Uncle Roy had a lot of explaining to do. --from Circles of Hell: A Young Boy's Encounter With the Keane Family.The Simon

... an' I can still play lead guitar for (*insert grunge band here*)!Namgubed the Merry Elf

So I go 'what KIND of underwear?' and she goes 'um, sort of a tweed-lycra blend' and...shit, are we on again? "...'An the funny thing is, I got another pair just like 'em at home!" ...anyway, like I was saying, there's nothing worse than bad phone sex.anon

Yeah, Bil's on this asymmetry kick--it all started subtly enough with missing arms and nostrils, escalated with Mom's Uniboob, and now--say, aren't those cheek-piercing glasses of yours a bit painful?anon

"Check it out, dude. Michael Jackson meets the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Goodbye, plaid sports coats; hello, new and hip Billy!"pony

Why? Cuz the brass knuckles won't fit under my glove, and you can't pull a trigger with a mitten!PD Lathe

Obviously, you're just a fair-weather golfer.Namgubed the Merry Elf

His chance encounter with Billy led the young Allan Sherman to seek his own showbiz career.Gen. Sedgwick

Just like in Arabic culture -- you use the right hand exclusively for eating...Gen. Sedgwick

Yes maam, you can't go wrong with our single and multiple entry rectal gloves, good for baby and the whole family! They come in both fecus brown leather and creamy yellow latex with an extra depth detector for those hard to gauge problem bums.Willie won't go home

A young Al Frankin meets a young Rush Limbaugh and thinks "Jeez, what a big fat idiot, he can't even match a pair of gloves."anon

I'm so goddam drunk I put my fuckin' sock on my hand! I'll tell you though - I deliberately put on this miniskirt!Schickelgruber

"This one on the right is actually better... the glove has too many fingers! Thanks to my dipshit cartoonist father!"Bob on Bob

This is the largest ribbed condom that money can buy. 'Course, with this hat, I'm obviously not going to have much use for it.Westur the Unspeakable

When times got hard on the "Family Pravda", the Russian cartoon syndicate started paying the lookalikes with mittens and gloves. Tragically, they rarely matched.Skywise

"...And then, just when I thought that they stopped caring about me, they bought me -- get this -- a glove! I can't tell you how great it is to only have to wear a sock on one hand!"Jamey "Quacky" Powell

"I have not one ruble left, Boris! Either we swipe old man's vodka or we make our own!" -- From Wil Keanovsky's post-collapse Ukrainian Circus Family comic.Nuclear Wasp

"Yeah, the Salvation Army are being real shits with our clothing donations. Just cause dad threw up on a bell-ringer last christmas." Tillman

Billy said, "What a lousy replacement for my glove. It really socks, huh huh huh! Ya gotta hand it to me, I'm punny!" The young Henry Kissinger was not amused.Dr. Dude

I don't know if I should contact the media or O.J. but other way I'm rich.anon

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