DFC #253

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Dolly soon realized that "pass the tissues bitch" was the wrong form of address if Thel had a knife.Meathead

Now it's too much bleach, not enough coke! Gimme back my credit card, I'll do it myself.The Brown Gouge

Even th' radio hates " Mmm-Bop! " It just burst into flames!Doc Evil

Judging from what crashed through the living room window, I don't think the FBI recognizes our secession. NOW can we head for the bunker?Gen. Sedgwick

Why didn't someone tell me Ellen had a girlfriend??Vice Pope Doug

Dolly's cried when she found out the secret of Thel's impressive bust (as many men had before her). The Librarian from hell

OK, I'm done with it--hand me the box and I'll put it back. MAN is Daddy a cheap old git.Kevin

"One ain't enough, Thel -- Bil has the dress on and he's doing Aida again."Randall

Judging by how Dolly's head jerked back, and to the left, I'd say the gunman was crouching on the grassy knoll.Magus

Lamarck believed that Homo circus developed long limbs and necks because the larval form had to stretch to reach the tissues when the ephedrine kicked inMoorlock

Dolly, tearfully accepting that she'll never age, regresses and requests the prosthetic nipple, perched tauntingly on the counter she'll never be able to see the top of.pony

Double-ply, MY ASS! Those things barely soak up any blood at all! Oh, by the way, I think Jeffy needs a real tourniquet.Coalcracker

Christ, Mommy! These things are only slightly less abrasive than Jack Palance's face!Mighty Owl

Dolly's incredible strength allowed her to reorganize the house with the push of her finger.Lee Harvey

Dolly quickly learns that there is no easy answer when Thel asks, "Does this have enough tabasco?".Westur the Unspeakable

"Dolly's first pepper spray" - A new Family Circus commemorative plate - Available now from the Franklin Mint!Westur the Unspeakable

Am I crying because of the onions? No... Have you ever heard of Bean-O?Schickelgruber

Thel Thought: Melon=Noise . . . . Knife in Hand+Melon= No more Noise.phonsux

Damnit, Thel! I'm sorry I called you an ugly ass crack-whore, just please give me the tissues!The Almight Afro

Give me a tissue, and quick! These pants were white thirty seconds ago!nonentity

After Not-Me and Ida-Know quit the strip to take starring roles on Casper, the Keane children began blaming things on inanimate objects such as tissue boxes and socks. Needless to say, it wasn't as cute.nonentity

Pull my fing... Jesus Christ! Your neck must be like three feet long in this panel. Share some of that with your neck-challenged offspring.nonentity

"The syndicator r-renewed our fucking s-strip for TH-THREE MORE Y-YEARS!!!!"Randall

"Off, Damn Spoot!" - Lady CumBeth from the Dark Brothers new upscale porn film, "Cumbeth."anon

Is it just me, or does Thel look particularly... insectile tonight?Shifter

Could you hand me those, please? I just saw the most touching thing in the whole world; Bil, drunk as he was, actually tried to swerve and miss the doggy. Poor fella still didn't make it, but damned if Bil didn't try.TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!

Thel pretended not to understand as the last inch and a half of Dolly's Xena figurine ground its way down the In-Sink-Er-Ator.Reamer

Daddy? Billy's dead... No, dammit, that won't do. Let's try again. Dad..dy? Billy.. had an accident....Dragoon

I know our cause is sacred, but the feds just tear-gassed the south wing, and PJ's clawin' his eyes out. Now hand me a fuckin' tissue.Plastic Elvis Pants

Okay, okay, get me those now, bitch, please! anon

Ok, what asshole switched the coke and the baking soda, Thel?Wee Willie Wanker

Once she controlled the Force, Dolly became a menace. At first, we thought it was a blessing, with her gaining the power to make Mom do housework for once, but when she finally uncovered her evil plot, she was too powerful to be stopped. Even bullets froze in midair before her with the slightest wave of her finger.Riff

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