DFC #257

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

The high volume of complaints forced the Premature Ejaculation Foundation to withdraw the poster; this is one of only 23 known extant copies.Gen. Sedgwick (he's baa-aack!)

"Water" you talking about "mudder"...you look "pissed"? Don't tell me, "urine" trouble now...right? (Thank you, you've been a swell audience...I've got a million of 'em)R.J.M.

Sam didn't know when, he didn't know why -- but he knew that somehow this incident was going to end with his suffering a severe beating.Gruber

The Bil Keane Illustrated Dictionary cleverly demonstrates three definitions of "pissed" with one illustration.Larry Hastings

"I had to outwit, outfight and outrun a horde of the weirdest-looking bastards I've ever seen, hitchhike home from some backwater town in Maine, had nightmares that made a bad acid trip look like a Sunday drive, and don't even think about asking why my legs are wet, but I got your book back. Just tell me this: who the fuck is Abdul Alhazrad, anyway?"Thany

Roaring triumphantly, the great Thelma, The Crawling Chaos, descended upon her helpless and terror-struck sacrafices. The Keanes had done well in their offering this time.Magus

Honestly... You didn't REALLY think the kids at school called me " The Whiz Kid " because of my academic credentials, did you?Doc Evil

"Look, think of it this way. Bil's blood will wash off, you can lose the Cleopatra haircut and we can get Todd McFarlane to do the strip and get a movie deal ta boot!"Always look at the bright side!

"I have done thy bidding, Mistress. What is thy next humiliating command?"anon

"But this is my science homework!"Marnen Laibow-Koser

Mommy, Daddy is drunk on the lawn again. It's really bad this time. He thinks I'm a urinal.Anastasia

When Billy was 6, our mother became obsessed with Happy Days . She would make Billy stand for hours trying to do an Arthur Fonzarelli impression. No matter how much he complained about being hungry, tired, or having to use the toilet, she would make him stand there for hours until he got it right. That's when he started taking downers.-- Thelma Dearest by Dolly Keane Mitchell.alanon

But in his first epistle to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul isn't CONDEMNING the practice of baptism for the dead; on the contrary, he cites it as evidence for the corporal resurrection of humanity. So quit accusing me of necromancy, you fundamentalist bitch!anon

Sam the dog looked, impressed at what he saw..."Volume...",he thought,"it's all about volume".juan valdez

Thel had mixed medications again, and the 'rage' had begun. After beating the dog, she held the riding crop high in her right hand & went for Billy. Terrified, he wet himself and ran for the door, which he found locked. Now there would be THEL to pay!Dr. Schmuck

Place the beer in my hand when I walk in - don't just toss it at me!Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Says it right here in this Bible. Big flood. I need all the wood in the house, and oh yeah, we need a girl dog so Sam can breed."pony

The B-2000 Billynator morphed into human form, only to be met by the T-3000 Thelminator, at which point our big-shot robot pissed itself.Randall [clawing back from yellow]

"I thought you'd be proud; after all, this is Christian blood staining the carpet."jedi mind trip

I know, I was bad -- I'll go straight to my room an' do my drugwork -- er, homework, an' only come out if I hafta use th' acid -- I mean, bathroom ... and if I'm bad again, you can crank me -- I mean spank me ...Vice Pope Doug

YOU'RE mad?! My DEVO jumpsuit is ruined!Rotter

Forget about the puddle -- Daddy's friend Roy has been acting really weird lately! It took me two joints, a 'lude an' a blow job to get this Bible away from him! Vice Pope Doug

Workmen's Comp reluctantly agreed that Thel's scoliosis was caused by having to conform to the round panels.Heath

I tripped and fell into the fountain of youth again!!! I'm FUCKED!Trevita

N-n-n-no M-m-m-more W-w-wire C-c-coat H-h-h-hangers!!! I promise I'll be g-g-good!xian, the boy with the monkey heart

Hey you are the one that put diuretics in my cereal this morning.Cabin Boy

Billy had just finished stomping Barfy into a bloody pulp and Sam was next. "...h-hafta get Thel away from the dog-g. I n-need the d-dog," said the voice from within.Willie won't go home

It's that damned Olestra again.Ratman

THIS is why I don't want to wear the fire hydrant costume for Halloween.The Whiz Kid

... an' after the Nun got dressed, an' we got the Brylcream cleaned off the back of the goat, the p'liceman said I could go.Vice Pope Doug

Billy had lobbied and lobbied for a Featured Panel -- but unfortunately, his severe stage fright got the best of him.Vice Pope Doug

We was just havin' a little fun, when the other kids started playin' rough with your right implant!Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Bastard," thought Sam the dog. "He's gonna have to do a whole lot more than that to make this house his territory."Hugh Jass

So for my science project I fed Sammy here 3 pounds of chocolate. Instead of croaking like most dogs would, this little fuck got dysentry so bad they had to evacuate the school!Rimbaud

Talk to him mom, please.....Its drawings like this that keeps those DFC freaks stalking us....War Gerbil

Through the haze of doggy Alzheimer's, Barfy begins to wonder if he shouldn't be getting some doggy depends.phonsux

As Billy tried to make Thel believe that he was victim of a dog pack pee-on, Barfy got the real message: Billy was their territory now, and Barfy could expect a visit from Marmaduke, Snoopy and Odie sometime soon.phonsux

Daddy was chasing me with a baseball bat and a tube of KY, I'd like to see you keep YOUR wits under the same circumstances!anon

"M-my shoes are wet and my h-head isn't because it AIN'T RAINING, THEL! If you don't get out of my way, the rest of the Absolut is comin' out too!"Randall

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