DFC #258

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

If you are calling to make a prostitution reference, press one. If this is a hackneyed reference to philosophy/existentialism press two. Or if you'd like to talk dirty to a melon-headed kid for a half hour or so, please stay on the line.That Not so fresh feeling Inc.

Hey Mom! It's that goddam Al Gore again ...the whiner

"The pointy caption bubble pierced the frame! HULL BREACH! HULL BREACH!"Medea

"Yes, she's right here, tilting dangerously."Thany

"Not yet, but she's workin' on gnawin' her leg off!"Big ol' Bob

Yes, and thank you so much for calling, Dr. Cuthbertson. My deformed left hand really needs corrective surgery, and we couldn't call you because Daddy won't draw a keypad on our phone.Mop-n-Glo

"Free of what?"Wyvern

"Thanks to plea bargaining, yes. Now would you media hacks PLEASE stop bugging me at the house? The press conference isn't for another 24 hours, fer crissakes."Dr. Schmuck

Jeffy debates whether to argue the Kantian or Existential persepective on the nature of Freedom, but decides instead to simply pee into the receiver.ghosty

Not exactly free, more like available for industrial perusement.Zappa

Well, considering freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, I'd say she's free as a bird.Anastasia

DFC Historical Moment #213: With this caption, the editors were completely buried in a massive wave of idiotic captions, killing them instantly. A brief service was held, attended by a few close friends. Also present, somewhat oddly, was longtime nemesis Bil Keane. "Well you bastards," he said slowly, "it's over." He turned and walked back to the black limo, twirling his pen and smiling ever so slightly. --from The life, death and Rebirth of the DFC, available at fine bookstores everywhere.Plastic Elvis Pants

Mom! Another guy figured out how to dial Z an' ! Should I put the tracer on?Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Dad...you know about the restraining order. For God's sakes, it's 2am! Give it up and go to sleep!"Heath

"No, but Dolly's pretty damned cheap."Heath

"Yeah, and I think she had to go down on the judge to get off so easy."Heath [huh huh...get off...huh huh]

Gosh, I hope not! The last time the asylum let her out, she started terrorizing the neighborhood with garden shears!Riff

Damn! Don't you chicks in 3-G ever get enough? I think all you need is a real man!Riff

It took five doctors, a priest, and a case of Tanqueray to stop Jeffy's maniacal laughter. But he could never again pass the hall phone without at least a snicker or two.Agent Todd

Well, to the extent that Daddy's antiquarian doctrines of sexual politics allow, yes.Kevin Bergeson

"Is anyone truly free in a world dominated by the pursuitof material possesions?"Craig Orr

No, and neither are ANY of us until this campaign finance reform stuff makes it past the window-dressing bullshit phase! WE ARE MARIONETTES TO THE MONEYED OLIGARCHY! WHEN MONEY TALKS, IT'S ALL THOSE FUCKING POLITICIANS CAN FUCKING HEAR!!! ...um, excuse me. Just a moment, I'll get her.Take it back. Take it ALL back.

Billy carefully considered the context of the question, the implication of the word, the semiotics and sybolism, and found that there was no reconcilliation between humanities emtpy cries for liberty and the illusions that most every culture has of its owBoston's Moon

No, I'm sorry. That promotion ended on Sunday.This week's promotion is a free Clinique gift.Merlin and Morgana

Well that depends. Can any of us truly say we are free? What is freedom anyway? Jean-Paul Sartre said that we cannot know true freedom so long as we are burdened down by material possessions... uh... come to think of it, judging from all these empty rooms we live in here, I guess she is. Mom, it's for you.Robert

Reverend Graham, listen to me again very carefully this time - * NO * DISCOUNTS * FOR * CLERGY * !not elsie

After ages of having his "comic" assaulted by the DFC, Bil isn't even trying anymore.ColBleep

"Mommy! It's those weirdos from the DFC again, an' they're tryin' to make me crack some lame prostitution joke! What should I tell them?"[chud]

"...In celebrity news, the comics world was shocked today when Thelma Keane of Family Circus murdered her 7-year-old son, Jeffery (Jeffy) Keane, in an LSD-crazed state. Police say that she used a sharp implement, not yet identified or found, to cut through his right ear and into his brain. Mrs. Keane made a statement claiming that Jeffy was killed by a sharp speech bubble emerging from a telephone receiver, implicating her husband, cartoonist Bil Keane, who could not be reached for comment."Thany

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