DFC #262

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Alright. So my grades stunk. Least I'm not a sleazy, crack-whore, toddler-molesting housewife like you, Cyclops Tit!"Magus

Under the threat of not getting to fondle your tomato any more, I confess to being the real Unabomber.anon

There's 562 signatures on this petition, so change the skirt, or face legal action.Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Write about what you know", people tell me. Well, all I know from our family is sex, excessive drinking and drugging, bestality, child abuse and no values! Up yours!Mr. Ben

Hey, Charles Bukowski got his start writing for porn mags!murpes

Failed, shmailed....who needs verbs anyways?Jenn Dolari

"You know how Daddy 'splained how being a drunk was genetic an' all? Well, it looks like bein' smart works the same way."anon

Bil and Roy left for Amsterdam this morning. As this strip's proxy artist, unless these demands are met you can kiss the scenery goodbye and I may have to get, how you say, creative with your proportions. Shoulda been nicer when you had the chance, Ma.Orrin Bloquy

It's my formal letter...I'm seceding from this family. I'm tired of being treated like a melon-headed step-child.R.J.M.

Hold on...PJ is a drooling idiot, Jeffy can't count on his fingers, and Dolly thinks Xena is historical fact. A C- makes me a savant!!!Paul "Slept thru Algebra" Reed

You can understand why I thought man evolved from melons, can't you?anon

I'm sorry. I promise I'll never get another A+ again.Anastasia

Big fucking deal. I forgot to give you the ransome note for PJ. I gotta be honest, Mom. I think that little bastard was taking way too much of your time.Radio Show

So we have the same prison pen pal.. I wouldn't exactly call that 'cheating'. At least not for another 3-8 years.Radio Show

Yeah, can you believe they sent me home from school for this?? If you ask me anything read the wrong way can be interpreted as a death threat!!Al

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Keane, but this is your last warning. Payment in full by 3 o'clock this afternoon or a document identical to the one you hold will be delivered to every newspaper in the tri-state area. Good day, Mrs. Keane."Thany

"I TOLD you Miss Hooper wouldn't like a theme called 'My Mother Swings Both Ways and Wants to Meet You'!"Tillman

Yeah, ain't it a kicker? You think after being in the same grade for 30 years, I'd get everything right, huh?The Boy

"Okay, okay. I think I've got my lines memorized for the next twelve panels. Here we go.. 'Pull my finger, Bil.' 'My wife? I thought it was your wife!' 'Open wide for Chunky!'"Now do it again with more feeling!-Herr Thel

"Paragraph four states I get to do three singing duos with you a month. So from the top I wanna hear 'I Got You, Babe' or I call my attorney."helen keller

Geez, mom, it's only a story. Of COURSE I don't think you slept with ALL of the Dallas Cowboys.Shawn Labounty

Like you could write a better book report on "Giles Goat-Boy."Anastasia

With this panel Bil Keane fulfilled his original product placement deal with the National Plaid Council.Gen. Sedgwick

Like spelling errors are really an issue in a death threat, sheesh!Bil's Drinkin' Buddy

You're askin' me where I got the inspiration for "Attack of the Wasp Waisted Plaid Woman?" Geez, Mom, I got an A for once! Can't you EVER be happy?Jenn Dolari

...so the principal says if you sign that, the parents will be willing to drop the sexual assault and forcible sodomy charges. Of course, Bil can't come to any more PTA meetings and will have to be castrated, but is that really a bad thing?Sinister

"Maybe Charles Dickens didn't start out this way, but Henry Miller did."Randall

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