DFC #263

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"'It's a lot more money,' you said, 'It'll get you exposure,' you said. I don't care, Murray, you just get me a one-way ticket back to Derry. These people are scaring me."phil

Hello? Billy the Wacky Incontinent Clown speaking! How may I... Uh-oh...Doc Evil

Boy, am I embarrassed. It turned out to be a seminar on cloning not clowing .The Unmasked Revenger

Doctor, help. I'm deathly afraid of myself.Mighty Owl

Spinnwebe proudly announces his new sponsor: Dockers loose fitting clown jeans.Doc Evil

Psychic Friends Network? No you've called the Psychotic Friends Network.Terminus

Jeffy is disappointed by the inevitable result of his Kiss audition.Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Send in....the Keanes. Those daffy, wacky Keanes..."Thomas Wilde

Why, no, Dr. Cuthbertson, I haven't noticed any unusual side effects from the medicine.Namgubed the Merry Elf

Whadya mean there's no room in the car?! There's always room in the car, dammit!!!P.T. Barnum

After Dolly's "husband", Ygor moved in, he would monopolize the phone for hours, trying to convince the Department of Immigration not to send him bach to Bratislava.Wildman

Hello, Texas? I figured I have a lot of experience being poked in the ass, and I have my own clown suit. Can I join your rodeo?Doppelganger

"Neverland Valley Ranch, this is Macaulley speaking..."Jack Seward, KGB

That's right, Mrs. Derkins. If you ever want to see Susie alive again, leave 5 seltzer bottles in the boiler room at the bus station.Anastasia

The Joker calls his two evil accomplices, the Smoker and the Midnight Toker.Steve Miller

I gotta go, Zippy... But please rethink your views on hobosexuals in the pinhead military.2BRO2B

Jeffy, leader of the infamous Ku Klux Klowns, would often terrorize blacks with threatening phone calls.Magus

Gramma, can you please have a word with your son? He's starting to take this "Family Circus" thing too literally again, and the lions've already gotten Dolly.The Outsider

Hello? Suicide Encouragement Hotline?CrAsH

"Microsoft technical support, can I help you?"Hikerguy

The strategy worked! After the Killer-Clown-from-Outer-Space had off'ed most of the Keanes, Billy had spiked the phone with a killer carrot. The clown didn't know what hit him.Willie won't go home

Jeffy never did learn how Bil managed to fit live lampreys into both ends of the phone, but he never tried to call for help again.nine elle

Stephen King's office, this is Pennywise. May I help you?Mr. Ben

This week, Tammy Faye Bakker fills in for an ailing P.J.Jizmo the Wonder Horse

Yes, Grandma, a clown. But if you think that's bad you should see what he's making Billy do with those cinder blocks.Jack Seward, KGB

Why, yes...this is a Bugle Boy clown suit!Rotter

No, you don't actually "blow" on it, you... Whoops! Gotta run.Bubba

Yeah, I'm running away to join the circus. We haven't aged in 30 years...why should our ideals?Magua

A scene from the failed comic "Amos and Jeffy"Goon

Another of Billy's get rich quick schemes fails miserably as he learns that while "Everybody Loves a Clown," nobody wants to have phone sex with one.-Jester

"Yeah, I know it looks stupid, but you should see the hair he normally draw me with! It looks like you can scrub by head against a frying pan to get out that burnt-on mess, you know what I'm saying?"--Jester

His career in ruins, Emmanuel Lewis just had to win back Michael's love. He just had to.7 Years in Babette

"Hello? Social Services? This is Jeffy Keane again. Look, I don't care about rules and regulations anymore! All in my head, you say?! Right now I'm dressed as an evil clown! My suit is crotchless! Now find me a SANE family! Comprende?!" Tillman

The Joker began his life of crime as a youth making crank phone calls.Rich Coughlan

If you think this image is scary and disturbing, you should see what they have Uncle Roy wearing. The words "chicken wire" and "Strategically placed play dough" come to mind.nonentity

There's more truth behind "those MCI clowns" than you may think...Adam... not affiliated with communist europe

This 'Insane Klown Posse' fad is really getting out of hand....agm

House arrest didn't stop Jeffy from 'Trick-or-Treating'Radio Show

Yes, this is the office of the White House counsel, may I help you?the whiner

No, this is the Zippy ANONYMOUS hotline! I have a translucent TELEPHONE!! I am NAKED with MEASLES!anon

Don't bother...they're here.Anthony Nambla

My Daddy makes them laugh, PJ thought. Sometimes they laughed until they cried. Now I'm going to just make them cry . . . .phonsux

"Get this: 'What am I, a clown? Am I here to amuse you?' Get it! Ha!...Hello?.......Hello?"Sir Psycho Sexy

Despite their best efforts, Bil and Thel couldn't keep Jeffy from dressing as Pennywise during Halloween, or any other holiday for that matter.alt.fan.spinnwebe needs posts!

... an' I'm only gonna wear it until the statute of limitations runs out.Vice Pope Doug

Well, there's obviously no other way this strip is ever gonna be funny!Vice Pope Doug

So Luann's daddy is runnin' all over the neighborhood lookin for the "clown who's fuckin' with my daughter" -- so I figured ...Vice Pope Doug

Hey, for fifty bucks, a good gram, an' two Metallica tickets --- you'd do it too, so just shut up!Vice Pope Doug

Yeah, listen sweetie. I don't care if he's got Dogbert and the fucking King of Id in with him right now. You get that fuck Murray on the phone right now so he can tell me why I'm in full costume in a solo shot. Murray? Noone can recognize me, Murray. And if noone knows I'm Jeffy, WHAT THE FUCK GOOD IS A SOLO???xian, the boy with the monkey heart

"We traced the call -- the elephant is INSIDE the HOUSE! Get out of there!" Mycroft

Oh, hi Grandma! Uh...I don't really know which one I am...give me a minute...Jim Smith

"Daddy says dialing 911 isn't funny so I called to cheer you up."Trann Falco

Jeffy caught his reflection in the mirror as he spoke into Wonder Woman's invisible phone that hung from the ceiling. "A clown, huh? Polka dots, eh?" Maybe the giant lemon with Dolly's voice was right. Maybe he was tripping on some bad acid.Vitamin Tom

The phone-solicitation bozo that always calls during dinner.Ratman

Disconnected--of course it was... Bil's precious "Clown Suit Night" would not slip through his fingers that easily. Jeffy clenched his teeth and somberly marched back to the "big top".Mighty Owl

"Welcome to 1-900-DIAL-CLOWN. I'm wearing huge polka-dot coveralls with frilly cuffs. I've got a big, banana-shaped smile and a funny bowler derby. Ohhh, yes, and I've got Larry fine's hair and this gorgeous squeaky red nose ...Riff

What am I wearing? Are you sure you want an answer to that?Riff

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