DFC #266

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Well, I put it under the pillow, but that Nerve Ending Fairy stiffed me again."Damo Suzuki

"I don't know what it is, but Daddy's already barfed up 10 of em'!"Magus

When F.C. ended after Bil's suicide, Jeffy went on to a successful career as a merkin salesman.Brad Popsiclestick

Once again Bil misunderstood the syndicate's orders to spice up the strip and included a grape scene.Gen. Sedgwick

"Dolly! Get the armpit-hair scrapbook--NOW!"Randall

In the Joel Silver version, Godot does in fact arrive at the end in the form of a 60-foot mutant. He uproots the tree, eats the two tramps, then rampages on through Chicago to a showdown with Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis.Rotter

Jeffy was the only kid to flunk show and tell.anon

Last year's pop technology, get your neural network here, last years pop technology....yakko

Hey guys, guess what? Brooke Sheilds is pluckin' her eyebrows again!Doc Evil

"Throughout the nightmarish ordeal that was my childhood, I was always grateful for my brother Jeffy. No matter how badly life treated him, he always maintained that sense of wide-eyed, childhood wonder. He was fascinated by the simplest of God's gifts, and would stare enchanted at bananas, and grape stems for hours. He enjoyed a rich fantasy life, talking ceaselessly about answering machines and dressing up like clowns or cowboys...Actually, come to think of it, Dad was right. Jeffy was a fucking retard." From Jeffy Remembered by William Keane Jr.-Jester

"The day that Jeffy scored a solo panel holding a piece of unidentifiable flotsam was the day it all went truly haywire. Billy took to the pets with a phillips screwdriver. Dolly gutted Bil with a weedwhacker like he was a 220 pound trout. That useless Roy Washington just sat in the corner reading his precious Bible and shaking. Thank God I had my valium and cognac, or who know how bad it might have really gotten". -- Thelma Louis Keane, The Day the Circus Died, Harlequin Press 1998Vice Pope Doug

Jeffy wins... * FATALITY!!! * Doc Evil

Jeffy wins a 1997 Darwin Award by proving to the Keanes that the window protecting them all from the vacuum of space is completely shatterproof.Rotter

Look, Captain, a wee baby Entity! Ensign Jeffy was, of course, wearing the red shirt.Namgubed the Merry Elf

In an odd variation on the Xmas mistletoe tradition, the Keane children would hang a barren grape stalk above the door, and demand a drink of Thunderbird when standing under itthe hunter

Disempowered, Jeffy grew more desperate with each passing day. Within a month, he was trying such bizarre tactics as the Hypno-Fern [pictured here] and the Hypno-Weeble-Wobble.Heath

Now, from the Franklin Mint: the Jeffy(tm) Fruit Stand. You can have your grapes served to you by America's favorite preschooler in this handsomely proportioned hand painted porcelain collectible. Grape stem not included.Peon

I love you, Morticia.Analperm

"I ate all the grapes, and, by the way, I'm pregnant."anon

Jeffy was the talk of Show 'n Tell when he proudly presented Charles Grodin's toupe to his classmates.The 13th Floor

2:00 The Outer Limits Biology Project A deformed child seeks attention by using family members' body parts for a school project. Jeffy: Billy Mumy Uncle Roy: Anthony PerkinsPaul "Aaargh!" Reed

Wanna know how many grapes can fit up P.J.'s nose?Tazabby

"You put your brain stem in, you put your brain stem out, you put your brain stem in, and you shake it all about..."Jizmo the Wonder Horse

Wow! The Popeil Pocket Varicose Vein Stripper really, really works!the whiner

Man! Get a frog drunk enough and you can rip out its central nervous system without a twitch!Riff

Cool look, gramma just coughed up a lung!R.J.M.

Young Dr. Moreau successfully splices a centipede with a praying mantis.Trevita

"That fucking dove will never crap on our car again."Omar

...and when I pulled out the eyeball, look what was attatched to it!Tony's Dancing Clams

"Get on the phone, Daddy - we're down to seeds and stems again!"Generik

"Boy, you sure find some weird stuff inside Uncle Roy!"the Artist Formerly Known as the Prince of Darkness

Hey Mommy! I found Bil's toupee floating in the toilet again. Jesus, he's gotta ease up on the tequila!Blackstone

Wow! Now that's what I call a 'rhoid!Action Jackson

Mom, I found a Julia Set in the bedroom wastebasket. Have you been seeing Benoit again?ewhac

Jeffy's attempt to engineer a "better, faster earthworm" has gone horribly awry.ColBleep

I don't know what it is -- but the last time I had some, I woke up in the back seat of a limo in 'Lantic City, in a clown costume, in a pool of someone else's vomit. Want some?Vice Pope Doug

Jeffy didn't care what the hell he had to hold, as long as he was featured.Vice Pope Doug

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