DFC #271

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

The engines canna take it any longer, captain! Listen to that horrible sound they're making already!Joe Z

"I do so have a detachable head! Watch!"Thany

You know, watching a man die wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.Sludge

Great. Billy's in rehab, an' Dad's drunk off his gourd -- that leaves us to come up with tomorrow's cartoon. Quick, get me that picture of Billy on the phone with Grandma, an' some trace paper!Namgubed the Merry Elf

P.J. couldn't decide which disgusted him more: Bil's drunken and depressingly punctual morning nap, or Jeffy's insane insistence that he invented the "Home Alone" face grab.the hunter

A preview of the upcoming movie, Home Alone With Daddy.Bubba

I say we fix his deviated septum with the cactus.Anastasia

'PJ! Get some adrenaline and the heavy duty syringe! The fuck just shot my whole stash of China White!'Bil's Drug Buddy

"Wow, PJ, you're right! All you have to do is cross the two yellow wires, and his head starts glowing!"Zolo

Amazingly, after numerous hints of incest, child beating, substance abuse, and even pet-eating, it was a cactus within a toddler's reach that gave Child Protective Services the solid evidence they'd sought so long.Gen. Sedgwick

Unfortunately, Edvard Munch passed away before he could create a work based on the other image seared into his brain since early childhood: The Snore.The Outsider

AGGHHH! I didn't know the Spice Girls SANG, too! Turn it off. TURN IT OOOOOFFFF!!!alanon

You forgot the bowl of warm water? How are we EVER gonna get a new sofa???Gen. Sedgwick

And coming up next: Lenny discover's Squiggy's coffee creamer recipe is boric acid; Carmine loses a ball in his ragu; and Whoops! Another Defazio! All this and more on JEFFERNE & SHIRLEY.7 Years in Babette

See? I told you I could twist my head completely around! You owe me a dollar!Riff

No, you're wrong, the W3 Consortium is much more qualified to set HTML standards than for-profit corporations are! I can't hear you, la la la la la!Werehamster

My God! Who would have guessed he knows all the lyrics to all of Barry Manilow's songs?Anastasia

PJ, quick, while he's sleeping! Get me jeans that aren't tight-rolled, a sweater that isn't monogrammed, and a pair of earrings that don't dangle so much. I'm so fucking eighties it's disgusting.Tangent

Keane's variation of Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil : Hear no evil, snore much evil, unable to speak anything evil with more than 1 syllable.Magus

"Can't you hear it? It's the beating of that infernal heart! Pull up the floorboards -- there you will find bloody witness to my transgressions!" Of course, there was nothing under the floorboards but a big stack of Bil's early work in "Anal Action Comix,Jizmo the Wonder Horse

This is getting out of hand! We've got to destroy his damn opera records!anon

...and fifty-five! Come on, PJ, push! These neck extension exercises really work! Feel the burn! One thousand nine hundred and fifty-six! One thousand nine hundred and fifty-seven!garden weasel

PJ couldn't make up his mind .... Jeffy's mouth was softer with smaller teeth, but Dad's mouth created a lot more suction - especially when he was snoring.Hugh G Rection

"It's...it's not you, it's me. Sometimes, taking care of Bil, and the house...it just gets a little much at times, you know? I'm sorry, P.J..."Thomas Wilde

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