DFC #272

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Ms. Johnson's OK, I guess, but her bird-eating trick is really getting to me.Jim

"How long do you think that strychnine in her inhaler would take effect?"Damo Suzuki

"I know it's only straight to video, but being an extra in RED DAWN II is exhilarating nonetheless."A. Earles

Ever notice she has to goose her right breast to hit B Flat?Nethicus

Your'e Mom's cooking Stove Top stuffing? My Mom is cooking Top Ramen -n- Spam and Slow baked psegettio's with beef franks mixed with Dinty Moore beef stew.Ghostman

Big fuckin' deal. My brother Jeffy can hawk a loogie that looks like a whole orchestra.Dr. Zam (back after a long hiatus)

"Get my gun out of my backpack. It's fuckin' killing time."ST

Geez, everyone knows using a 2600Hz tone to spoof the trunk line doesn't work anymore. Teacher's so lame. Probably doesn't even know how to beige-box.phil

Charlie Brown's teacher is substituting today. I can't understand a word she's saying!Namgubed the Merry Elf

I just noticed she has blocked the door with her desk...that could only mean one thing...John Tesh is next.Waldo

I still say that, in order to understand how to teach a class of melonheads, she should have to be a melonhead!The Outsider

It's not a dog whistle, and that's not why they call her Lassie anyway.Gen. Sedgwick (hey, she kinda looks like Kim Cattrall...)

I don't know what it is, but every time she blows that whistle, I start salivating!Riff

You think the whistle's bad? The teacher she replaced used to wear a hand puppet on one hand and talked about killing Kathie Lee Gifford!Mr. Ben

"Jeez! How many fucking times do we havta sing "Aqualung"? I get the point already!"Tillman

So, they don't allow prayer in schools, but it's OK for teacher to spend ninty minutes a day doing gang'sta rap?Westur the Unspeakable

When they get to verse about "...land of the pilgrim's pride", scream Allah Akbar three times and set off the bomb under your sweater. Allah be with you.Action Jackson

It's so sad when their minds start to go.Westur the Unspeakable

I thought we would be doing, you know, grade school plays. Like A Boy Named Charlie Brown or The Ugliest Duckling. I never thought we would be doing Old Calcutta.Bubba

Look smart -- Captain's on the bridge.Namgubed the Merry Elf

It's nice that AA finally recognized that kids our age need help sometimes too.Gen. Sedgwick

..and then they found the body. Of course Daddy denied everything, but forensics confirmed there was a match with the fibers from his sweater. So how was your weekend?anon

"Pssst, Suzie, I'm not sure, but I think Ms. Hadley is blowing smoke up our asses...do you really believe that Bach wrote 'Fugue in D Minor for Kazoo?'"The Unmasked Revenger

I got the idea from watching Speed ...if she goes below Middle C, the kazoo blows up in her freaking face.The Unmasked Revenger

"Actually, I've heard better renditions of Mendelssohn's Concerto for Violin and Ochestra in E Minor before...I mean that last bar should have ben hit with more bravado, and the last four measures should have been pianissimo ... But, what can you expect from a person who plays the kazoo through her nose?"The Unmasked Revenger

Get ready to run when the guard dogs respond!Joe Z

I swear if she does "Hey Hey My My" one more time, I will personally shove that thing straight up her ass.[chud]

This feels like one of those anxiety dreams I always have about school, except I'm wearing clothes and there's no pagan orgy going on.nonentity

Is it just me, or do you feel like David Lee Roth in the "Hot for Teacher" video?NME

Why are my eyes so huge today? Jesus, I don't know... blame Bil and his huge stack of "Angel of Darkess" comics.Opti

No! Not yet! We all rush the black kid on the third whistle.anon

You drew the giraffe and the ice-cream cone, huh? Yeah, I drew the banana, the crucifix and the leather boot...Opti

It appears my Mom's dyke haircut is gaining popularity...Doc Evil

OK, on the count of three, we start singing Me So Horny at the top of our lungs.Anastasia

"Look, I don't care how deeply you and Jeffy are 'in love.' I'm just telling you to keep the hell off my bed."Mycroft

Yesterday we learned the alphabet, today we're learning Sumerian fertility symbols.Rimbaud

She's wearin' pants. That means she's goin' to Hell.Mighty Owl

Yeah, she plays a mean whistle. But she's no Zamfir. Zamfir... now that guy could shred, girl.Mighty Owl

Fuck. The thing only plays one note and she needs sheet music. Welcome to public education, baby.Mighty Owl

First day of school, and she bites the head off a live canary! Second grade rocks!Rotter

OK, fine, keep your lunch money, but I won't be responsible if those pictures show up in a Danish magazine....Anonymous

She was rejected by fifteen different record labels...so now she just travels around and sings to grade school kids."The 13th Floor

"No, I wasn't talking to you. My mouth always does this when my pony tail is too tight."The 13th Floor

Somehow I thought the lesbian studies class would have involved more than the instructor whistling "I am woman" while pantless.Doofus

"...and we're supposed to be impressed that Mrs. Morgan can sing 'Take me out to the ballgame' while simaltaneously downing a shot of vodka! No wonder we've spent three weeks just learning the letter A."Willie won't go home

These Camel plugs are shameless. Analperm

Family Circus. Humor only giraffe's can hear.anon

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