DFC #273

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Mommy! I won a beauty contest for small boys! I have to pick up my prize under the old bridge outside of town, so I'll be home in an hour or so.Johnny Royal

Jeffy will be right back. He's with the fluff girl.anon

"It's the Nielsens...I'm gonna save Tony Danza's ass!"Randall

It's AT&T. They have PJ and they'll kill him if we don't switch back.Large Neck

See Jeffy? The so-called psychic just said she sees me as an abused child of a burnt-out prostitute and an alcoholic, with a melon-shaped head, and the object of amusement for thousands of computer geeks. These things are so vague, they could apply to anybody!anon

"It's Grandpa! He's forgotten again -- is he sposta walk away from the light or towards the light?"Galahad

That's right friends, it's that simple! In four to six weeks, you can be running a fully operational crack house and making the money you've always known you desrved-- and it's tax free!Grmbrand Johnson

#43: Here Billy gets a solo shot and talks into the wrong end of the phone! Now do you understand why I get so many solo panels?Jeffy Keane (as told to Gen. Sedgwick)

"OK, Dolly...after you connect the C-5 to the red and green wires, just screw the cover back on the mouthpiece. Now, next time Dad calls 'The Franklin Mint' with another plate idea...KA-BLAM!!"The Unmasked Revenger

It's MCI - they noticed we switched to AT&T 2 minutes ago and want to know if we would like to switch back?Terminus

Yo, Roy! It's the humane society again. Could you run through that "situational ethics" thing one more time?dog lovin' greg

"...and as you can see, Bil Keane's standard arcs are used in creating this phone, my head, my belly...hell, just about everything." --- Billy Keane lecture, "Repetative Motifs in Cartooning." The Unmasked Revenger

Ma, it's that customer sales rep from Adam and Eve's.....she said your "Double-Decker Extra Long King Dong" is on it's way...anon

... So how do I know you're really dressed like a clown?Riff

I'm sorry. You've reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.Riff

"Wow! My psychic friend told me I'm a bloated sack of shit with no irises!"Omar

Oh, jeez. Grandmas's really done it now! She showed up at the Weinbergs in her nightie, threatenin' to do the "Final Solution" with Jeffy's Super Soaker. They tied her to a lounge chair with a garden hose, an' gave her some wine. She's asleep now. Vice Pope Doug


Wow, the police really do take each and every bomb threat they receive seriously!agm

"Hey everybody, I just phoned Gramma to thank her for the birthday money and she died! BONUS!"Dr. Schmuck

Mom! It's doctor Cuthbertson! The test results are in - I AM a girl, after all!Nobody's Uncle

"Is there an Ima PoorlyDrawnCartoonForIdiots here? Ima PoorlyDrawnCaroo-- hey!"Jizmo the Wonder Horse

In another mind-bending "negative space" Family Circus, Bil Keane creates an image that can either be perceived as two candlesticks, an old woman, or a brain-damaged little snotbag yelling into the wrong end of a phone.Jizmo the Wonder Horse

Hey mom, can I go over to Timmy's for dinner and some rough anal sex?Jayne County

"Fleet's in!"Ngoc van Trimble

"Sperm-burping gutter sluts? Just a minute... Mommy! It's for you!"Generik

"Hey Jeffy! Uncle Roy just got his welfare check! Get my rubber underwear, an' bring the bong!"Generik

"Fuck the belt, Dad! Hit 'er with this!"Generik

"Hey Mom! Dad wants to know if you're still friends with that bail bondsman!"Ray Manatino

Kevorkian's coming!! Kevorkian's coming!!! Al

Anyone here sign up for clown college?Anastasia

"I'm not having this! Somebody's taken a huge bite out of the middle already!" -- from Well, I Thought It Was Funny: A Collection Of My Favorite Reject Captions edited by Bil KeaneThany

Hey Jeffy, did you know that "Yankee Doodle" gets you a German lady with a hair-lip? VitaminTom

"It's Jeffy's lawyers. They feel my Phone on you mate joke is in violation of his intellectual property. Intellectual? Have they ever met Jeffy? Christ, the kid has enough problems with his bodily functions, let alone property... what do you mean, 'I'm on'?"tv's Spatch

"The coroner's call" - A new Family Circus commemmerative collecter's plate - Available now from the Franklin Mint!Westur the Unspeakable

No one was sure which was Spike Lee's greater mistake: Girl 6, or its ill-fated sequel, Melon Head 6.nonentity

"Ooh! Ooh! I got one!...[snicker]...'Keane's roadkill restaurant; you kill 'em, we grill 'em!'...[click]...HAHAHAHAHA!"Jamey "Quacky" Powell

All I hear are chirping noises. I think Woodstock's making obscene bird calls again!Riff

Dad - it's the comissioner! He wants you to put on your cape and tights and head over to his office right away! Oh - and don't forget the lubricant this time!Riff

Well I'll be! It's not time to kill again! I just misheard!Bionic Duck

Mommy, how many ’lowances are there in $2.99 a minute?mark

Oooh... you are a SEXY phone......(*stroke* *stroke*) I love you, baby. You'll all I need.Mmmmmm......Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon (I'm a sick fuck, am I?)

"Who else wants to hear Tickle-Me-Elmo talkin' dirty?"Generik

MOM, it's that gross fat lady from the church bakesale commitee again!!!bubba

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